The Ponion

by CartsBeforeHorses

Equestrian Government Shuts Down Over Budget Dispute

September 21st, 2013
Equestrian Government Shuts Down Over Budget Dispute

CANTERLOT—Following a fierce debate in the Equestrian congress between Reponycans and Democolts which did not lead to a compromise over Celestiacare and the budget, the government has shut down, and nonessential services will be cut until Congress passes a budget.

"We're really upset that we couldn't work something out," said House Speaker John Boehneighr at a press conference, "but Celestiacare is just going to ruin small businesses, and we need to come up with a workable solution."

Sources confirmed that the first day of the Celestiacare exchanges coming online, literally thousands of small businesses shut their doors instantaneously.

"Within moments of these exchanges coming on line, my business just vanished," said Davenport, the owner of a crater in the ground which was once a quill and sofa shop.

Also, hospital waiting lines stretched from Ponyville to the Crystal Empire, where they intertwined with the Crystal Empire's own socialized medicine lines into one big conga across the continent.

Despite the law being a complete and total failure in its first day, and only popular with 40% of Equestrians, the Democolts and Princess Celestia were adamant that nothing in the law be changed.

"I won't sign a repeal of even one word of that law," Celestia was quoted as saying, "Not one word. It's all perfect. There is literally nothing in this bill that could stand changing."

When asked about the unpopular provisions of the law, such as the tax on makers of lifesaving medical devices, or the requirement that every stallion and mare purchase health insurance whether they want or need it or not, Celestia simply said, "They don't know what's best for them; only I do. The law is perfect."

"Indeed, the health law is the word of the living goddess Celestia herself," said Senate majority leader Hairy Read. "For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished."

This impasse means that critical services will no longer be provided. Millions of veterans will no longer be paid, the Everfree Forest and other national parks will be closed to visitors, and thousands of employees will be furloughed. Also, Princess Celestia will no longer raise the sun.

"Eh, let the unicorns do it again like they used to back during the time of the three pony tribes," said Celestia, "because they won't be paying me to do it anymore! Or get Luna to do it."

At press time, sources confirmed that the moon was still hanging in the sky as the unicorns were struggling to get the sun to rise over the horizon, and that if they can not, Equestria will be doomed to eternal darkness until congress passes a budget. Ω

Comments

[Skeeter The Lurker]

How fitting.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[SpaceCommie]

Silly ponies.

[CrowMagnon]

Man, there really is no difference between Republican propaganda and satire anymore.

[Tachyon Xenophile]

3290434
So true.

[Blagdaross]

See, Luna? That's how you create eternal night! Just let Congress run things.

I has a sad

[Jphyper]

I miss the days when this story had original ideas. Lately, all it's done is ponify real-world news stories. You disappoint me, author.

[Georg]

Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Bravo!

[Alaborn]

"The Guard commissaries have been closed down. However, the twenty-seven confectioners and bakers that personally supply Princess Celestia have been deemed essential employees, and the Princess of the Day was recently spotted consuming an entire eight layer cake."

[canius]

yea let LUNA do it ...
thats perfect.... and and what is sad is that IRL makes perfect satire ...