I: So... This Happened
"Where am I?"
The first thing Courtney noticed when she woke up is that she was cold and tired. The second thing was that she had no idea where she was.
She certainly wasn't in Hawaii. The climate here was very moderate, with grassy plains and some dense forestry in the area, and not a single volcano in sight. She also knew this wasn't the Pacific Ocean, the last place she remembered being, because, well, she wasn't drowning.
She couldn't really pinpoint an exact area as to where she might be. If she had her phone on her, she might have been able to look it up, but unfortunately she didn't have that, or any of the other electronics she carries around, on her. And even if she did, it's more than likely they would have been destroyed by the ocean.
That was another problem. See, Courtney was the kind of person who liked to be on top of things, and at the moment that wasn't really possible.
Okay Courtney, she told herself, as she wandered around aimlessly near the edge of a forest, figure out where you are first, then worry about your missing files once this is all sorted out.
A thought occurred to Courtney. What if this was some kind of secret challenge from Chris? She thought Heather had already won the million, so was this the start of the next season or something? God, she hoped not. She still hadn't forgotten about her plan to sue the bastard for all he was worth, but it looked like that would have to wait a little while longer.
Another thought occurred to Courtney: was she the only one here? Were any of the other Total Drama contestants brought here? Surely at least a few of them had to be. And that was to say nothing about the inhabitants of this... place. Did anyone actually live here? Was this just a deserted island in the middle of nowhere? If it was, why was it deserted? The climate seemed decent enough and there were, as far as she could tell, no omnipresent predators lurking around, so what exactly was the problem? And if it wasn't deserted, then where the fuck was everyone?
Too many questions, Courtney, the mocha-skinned girl told herself, you're going to give yourself a brain aneurysm.
Courtney decided that the best place for her to look would be in the forest. Sure, it could potentially be more dangerous than the grassy plains surrounding it, but the plains just seemed to drag on endlessly while the forest had at least some kind of direction. If she was paying more attention, she would have noticed a house situated on top of a hill near the forest, but, uncharacteristically, she wasn't.
And she was about twenty-five paces into the forest when at least one of her questions was answered, because she just happened to bump into Gwen.
Now, Courtney's feelings about this were understandably mixed. On the one hand, it was nice to know that she wasn't stranded here alone, and it was kind of nice to see a familiar face. On the other hand, if there was one familiar face she could go the rest of her life without seeing, it would be Gwen. Well, actually, it would be Chris McLean, but Gwen was a close second.
After the collision, the two girls just sort of glared at each other. No one said anything, perhaps in worry that the slightest personal comment might start another row, perhaps just because they didn't really want to talk to each other. Finally, after what seemed like a millennium of silence, Gwen finally spoke.
"Have you found anyone else?" she asked.
"No," Courtney answered.
"Neither have I," Gwen said.
"OK," Courtney responded.
And after that there really wasn't anything left to say. Well, except the stuff that would cause another major fight. So, the two girls silently walked further and further into the forest, looking for any signs of life, friendly, hostile or otherwise. And they likely would have continued that, if not for the running and frantic shouting of one of their, ahem, "friends."
"Heather?" Gwen asked when she saw the black-haired girl running at speeds no human being should ever run at.
"Start running!" Heather shouted, "Get out of the forest! Ask questions later!"
She didn't seem like she was bullshitting, so the other girls managed to run out of the forest with no complaints. Once they got out though...
"Heather, what the fuck was that!?" Gwen asked angrily.
Heather laid down on the grass, panting furiously, "I... think we... lost it... lemme... catch... my breath."
"Lost what?"
"Tree wolf," Heather said.
"What?" Courtney said.
Heather said nothing, continuing to get her breath back to a regular motion. Once her adrenaline had subsided, she began to explain.
"You could have a little bit more patience, goth girl," Heather said, "Or was the fact that I was screaming like Rain Man with a megaphone not enough of an indication that this was a bad time."
Gwen growled.
"Anyways, I got chased by a- 'tree wolf.' I'm really not sure how else I describe it. It's a wolf that was made of tree logs."
Gwen raised an eyebrow, "Um- did you do acid back in Hawaii or did you wait until you got here to trip?"
"Fine, don't believe me then. But just look at me, you think I'd do this to myself?"
Heather was a mess. Her clothing was torn, she wasn't wearing shoes, her hair was all over the place, she had a several lacerations across her body and she had a large, forming, grotesque bruise on her right shoulder and upper arm.
Courtney bit, "So Heather, why was the 'tree wolf' attacking you?"
"I threw a rock at it."
The girls glared at her.
"What? Don't blame me, how was I supposed to know it was alive?"
Courtney sighed, "So, if you're done arguing, I have a question. What the fuck are we supposed to do now!?"
"We could always go back into the forest and see if anyone else ended up on this god forsaken rock," Gwen offered.
Heather cleared her throat, "Tree wolf," she said.
Gwen sighed, "Fine, I'll humor you Heather, we won't go back into the forest for fear of being attacked by a goddamn tree wolf. Now where else do you think we should go?"
"I think all the clown makeup might be affecting your eyesight," Heather smirked, "Because, past that bridge over there and right up that hill, there's a house."
"Hey, this is my first time outside the forest," Gwen said, "But it's not Courtney's."
And now it was Courtney's turn to earn the ire of her companions. Not really having an adequate justification for not noticing the house, Courtney simply looked down and blushed slightly.
"Can you make it up the hill, or do you need to catch your breath more?" Gwen asked sincerely.
"While I do appreciate your concern," Heather sneered, "I'm perfectly capable of walking up a hill, thank you very much."
"Hey, I was trying to be nice," Gwen said.
Heather grumbled, "Let's just go."
"Wait," Courtney said, "You're not seriously suggesting that we knock on a random person's door and ask what's going on, are you?"
"Um- yes," Gwen said, "That's... kind of what we've been talking about the last 5 minutes. Where have you been?"
"Well, wouldn't it make said person extremely uncomfortable?" Courtney protested.
"Do you have any better ideas?" Heather spat.
Obviously, the journey to the house wasn't a problem. It was only about a 10 minute walk, and it was a relatively small hill. The only mildly annoying part, other than the company the girls were dealing with, was this random chicken that kept circling around them.
"Um- I think this chicken's retarded," Heather said.
"It's a chicken. They're all dumb as hell," Gwen said.
"Yeah, but usually they mind their own business. This one probably was in chicken sped classes."
"Chickens don't have sped," Gwen said, "In fact, chickens don't really have any formal education at all."
"Oh fuck off Gwen, you get what I'm trying to say. Courtney gets it, right?"
"It's offensive," Courtney whined, "Not to mention inaccurate."
"Shut up, Courtney," the other two girls said.
And when they reached the door, they began bitching again, this time about who was going to knock. Gwen and Heather were yelling at each other mostly, providing inane reasons as to why the other one would have to knock on the door. Finally, Courtney gave in, and decided to knock 'professionally and respectfully,' And apparently, 'professionally and respectfully' included kicking the door with so much force, the other girls were surprised it didn't break. But what happened when the door opened was probably not something they were expecting.
You see, when a human being knocks on the door of a human-looking house, the natural thing to expect to find inside would be, well, a human(s). That, however, wasn't the case here, as when the door swung open, Heather, Gwen and Courtney were shocked to find that instead of a human being standing inside, it was a... horse?
Actually, none of the girls were quite sure. It looked vaguely similar to a horse, but not like any horse they'd ever seen before. For one thing, it was quite a bit smaller than a regular sized horse, although it didn't look like a foal. It was also... yellow. And something of an artificial looking yellow at that, as in, it looked like a colour you'd see in an art pallet. It also had a somewhat humanized looking face, completely with a fairly small and non-exaggerated snout and bright, expressive, blue eyes, as well as three pink butterflies tattooed on either side of its ass. It looked feminine, but since it was so unlike anything they'd ever seen before that they couldn't definitively pinpoint it as female. But despite everything that was just mentioned, none of those attributes were even the strangest part, no, the strangest part of its appearance was the two folds on either side of its body. They looked like... wings?
Of the three girls, the only one that even attempted to keep her composure was Courtney. Gwen and Heather simply stood their like lobotomized chimpanzees, jaws hanging low and a glazed, vacant expression in their eyes. Courtney was about to say something to this eldritch monstrosity, when the horse-thing's eyes widened in fear, it squealed in terror and quickly slammed the door, incoherently shouting something about 'monsters,' leaving the so-called heroines stranded on its front porch with no idea what to say or do.
Finally, Courtney spoke up, "So- what just happened?"
"Are- are we all tripping on acid?" Gwen asked.
"Well, from what I can gather, either we've somehow been sucked into some kind of parallel universe, where tree wolves and mutant horses exist, or we're on some seriously fucking good drugs right now," Heather said, "And since I don't remember doing any drugs since Camp Wawanakwa started and it'd be extremely unlikely for all 3 of us to have exactly the same trip, I think the crazy parallel universe theory might actually be the one that's making more sense right now."
While Gwen and Heather were looking confused, scared, and perhaps a little sad, Courtney had a big, stupid smile plastered across her face. It was actually a little bit creepy.
"Well, you seem oddly happy about us possibly never seeing any of our friends and family again," Gwen said.
"Oh, of course I'm happy," Courtney said, "Why wouldn't I be happy? There's nothing even slightly out of the ordinary here. For a second there I thought you said something about being transported to a parallel universe with no humans where we'll never see any of our family or friends again, which means that I'll never fulfill any of my lifelong goals, but it's good to know that this was all a big misunderstanding and that is in no way the current predicament we are dealing with. Goodnight."
Courtney shut her eyes and began feigning sleeping noises, leaving the other girls perplexed.
:"Um... you know it's broad daylight, right?" Gwen said.
"Don't bother trying to respond to that," Heather said, "I think Courtney's broken."
"Thank God for that," Gwen said, "This day's been pretty shitty so far, so I'm glad at least one thing is going right."
"Understatement of the century," Heather snarked, referring to Gwen describing the day as 'pretty shitty.'
And then they just kind of sat there. They really weren't sure what else they were supposed to do at this point (searching for others seemed like a pointless endeavor if they really were in an alternate universe; at this point it would just be introducing more people to their misery). And while they were technically on someone else's lawn, and if horse-girl came back to tell them to GTFO, they would probably leave, but until that actually happened, it was best if they stayed in a place they knew was safe, especially with Courtney being... odd.
However, the girls weren't waiting there for very long, as they were shortly spotted and tackled by another one of these bizarre looking characters. This one had many of the same features as the yellow horse, including the misplaced wings, except that this one was light blue, had rainbow hair (as opposed to the yellow horse's baby pink hair,) had lightning bolts instead of the butterflies on its ass, and didn't look so easily frightened.
The girls (or, Heather and Gwen at least, Courtney was still trapped in la-la land,) managed to see the blue-horse while she was descending, but it wasn't much help, she crashed into the trio and somehow managed to stay on top of them while they were tumbling, eventually ending up standing over Gwen, staring the girls down angrily.
"How do we get out of this?" Heather asked.
"I don't know. I'm the one that's trapped here," Gwen said, "You can just, I don't know, kick it in the balls or something."
"I don't think it has balls.. It looks female."
"It's worth a shot, isn't it?"
"Hey," the blue horse said (hilarious,) "What are you two talking about?"
"You can talk?" The girls said simultaneously.
"No, I can't. That's why I'm talking to you right now."
"It's definitely female," Heather said, "A very whiny female."
"Whiny?" the horse, well, whined, "Who are you calling whiny?"
"You," Heather said, "Nothing personal, it's just that your voice makes me want to punch kittens."
"Don't mind Heather," Gwen said, "She'd probably punch a kitten whether she heard your voice or not."
"Uh-huh..." the horse said, looking confused, "So, who, and what, exactly are you?"
"Funny," Heather said, "We were about to ask you the same thing. But since I am feeling rather generous today, I will go first; as long as you get off of us."
The blue horse obliged, dusting herself (with her front hooves?) as she let the girls get themselves up. After getting that settled, Heather cleared her throat and began to speak:
"My name is Heather Lee. I am the queen and imperial ruler of all humans. And this is Gwen Morrow, a peasant who feels the need to follow me everywhere I go."
"She's not actually a queen, blue-horse," Gwen said, "She's simply prone to delusions of grandeur and forgot to take her meds this morning."
"I do have a name, y'know," the blue horse said, "I'm Rainbow Dash, the fastest flier in all of Equestria and- wait, did you say human?"
"Yeah, that is what we are," Gwen said, "Well, actually, I'm not entirely sure about-" Gwen received an elbow in the ribs before she could finish that sentence.
"Oh, god dammit Lyra," Rainbow Dash mumbled.
"Who's Lyra?" Gwen asked.
"It's- it's not really important," Dash said, "Just, if you see a teal unicorn with a lyre as a cutie mark, run like your life depends on it. Because it probably does."
"Cutie mark?" Heather asked.
Dash looked puzzled, "You don't know what a cutie mark is?"
"Um- no," Heather said, "We kind of just arrived here."
Dash looked like she was about to do something, but then seemingly decided against it, "It's probably better if Twilight explains it to you."
"I read Twilight, and while I don't really remember it that well, I don't believe it ever mentioned Cutie Marks," Gwen said.
"You actually read Twilight?" Heather asked incredulously.
"Look, I was 13 at the time and I thought anything with vampires in it was cool. You can hardly blame me for picking up a book about vampires that everyone was reading at the time."
"I'd love to offer my two cents," Dash said, "But frankly I have no clue what either of you are talking about, so I'll just-" And it was at this moment that Dash finally noticed the third human, lying on the ground, seemingly in some kind of comatose state.
"Er- what's wrong with your friend?" Dash asked.
"EVERYTHING!" The girls replied.
"Right, then-" Dash said, backing away slowly. While she certainly wasn't intimidated by the humans (or, at least, would never admit to being intimidated by the humans,) she was starting to find them really weird. Their constant bickering wasn't helping that perception.
"Just, uh, stay around Fluttershy's house, alright? I'm just going to go, uh, get the others." Dash said, and flew away quickly, showing the girls that she wasn't completely bullshitting when she said she was the fastest flier in Equestria.
"Others?" Gwen asked, "Does she mean other horses or other humans?"
"Hell if I know," Heather said, "But at least we know the name of the yellow horse now. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash... does anyone in 'Equestria' have a normal name. Or even something like Gwen?"
Gwen sighed, "I don't know either. There's only one thing I really know for sure about this place."
"And that is?"
Gwen snickered, "Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."
Gwen began laughing boisterously. She was then promptly smacked in the back of the head.
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Not bad. Just sharpen up the concept and you'll be fine. Seriously? I'm the only like? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
2539591 I like Total Drama, so this gets a like.
Well there are some issues that need to be addressed. Even in Total Drama there isn't that much swearing. You could use some prereaders but otherwise this is a very unique and intresting concept.
Also I loved it when Courtney snapped and Gwen said she read Twilight.
Gwen and Courntey give Heather an odd look.
Heather: It was a big rock.
(Thumbs up if you get the joke and where it comes from)
2539797Is the origin of the phrase from a certain science-fiction TV show from the Sixties?
"Bung a rock at it."
Dafuq?
EDIT (sorry commenter above me): *reads chapter* pretty good
*reads plot synopsis afterwards* I am interested.
I love Total Drama but I'm skeptical to read this.
EDIT: Alright, not bad. I'll be watching this. I also have a feeling Izzy and Pinkie Pie will instantly be the best of friends.
I loved this!!! Please continue on
2541260 Izzy and Pinkie would probably have to be separated so that the multiverse doesn't implode.
Lindsay and Derpy would also be a bad combination.
2541448 OH GOD LMFAO YES PLEASE.
2540996 What exactly did that commenter say? I didn't have time to read it before he deleted his comment.
2541408 I'm glad you enjoyed it.
2540139 Close but not quite.
2539797
Awesome clip from one of the greatest cartoons of all time.
2542041 Yay you got it.