Diamond Cutter Anthology Entries

by Yukito

Prompt #12 - Diamond, Please

Prompt: Diamond Tiara goes on vacation.

---

Diamond Tiara squinted as she gently moved her club back-and-forth, lightly tapping it against her golf ball each time. She was just one shot from par, but quite a distance from the hole. She had to take this carefully…

“You can’t just inch it to the hole like that,” Silver Spoon said.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Diamond said nonchalantly as she tapped the ball again.

“I can see what you’re doing. Either swing already or I’m marking you down as ten strokes.”

Diamond Tiara growled. “Fine.” She hit the ball, watching as it moved swiftly towards the hole on a straight line, hitting the hole and… going over it ever-so-slightly. “OH COME ON!” she shouted as she threw her club to the ground. “Every time! I swear this game is RIGGED!”

“At least you’re not knocking into onto other holes,” Silver Spoon pointed out, backing away from the angry filly who picked up her ball and slammed it into the hole. “… So that’s one over par for this hole…”

“How many more are left?” Diamond Tiara asked as she recovered her ball.

“Two more, plus the free shot one.”

“And then what? Daddy said he’ll be done by about four.”

Silver Spoon shrugged. “Well there are plenty of things to do around here. We’ll just look around to see what there is.” Diamond opened her bag and pulled out a glass bottle from inside. “Is that the drink your dad packed you? Why is it in a glass bottle?”

“I don’t know. Cultural differences?” Diamond twisted the cap off of the bottle and drank the liquid inside, her eyes shooting wide open as she quickly pulled the bottle away and swallowed. “Yuck! Is this what juice in Californeigh taste like?”

---

Filthy Rich was in heaven. Warm sun, warm sand, beautiful mares in revealing swimsuits, and not a single peep from his demanding little princess or his high-strung lawyers causing even more of his hairs to turn grey.

The stallion sighed pleasantly and reached for his bottle of fine cider. He was confused when he felt a plastic bottle in his bag and pulled out what he found to be a bottle of grape juice. “This is Diamond’s… But if I have this, then Diamond has my…

---

Diamond hiccupped again as she tapped the ball, watching as it steered off to the left and hit the rock wall. “STUPID BALL! I SAID GO RIGHT. RIIIIIIIIGHT!”

“Diamond, you know that you’re yelling to a ball, right?” Silver Spoon asked.

“Well it’s doing all the things wrong!” Diamond retorted. “The hole’s that way but the ball keeps going this way! Why would I tell the ball to go this way?! Clearly the ball is doing it on its own!”

“The ball is… moving on its own…”

Diamond Tiara nodded. “Yes!”

“… Maybe we should stop. I don’t think you’re enjoying this game very much.”

“No!” Diamond yelled. “I’m not gonna let a ball beat me! It’s fine, I got this.”

“But you’re already at eight strokes for this hole. Even if I get ten next hole and you get a hole-in-one, you won’t-”

“Ssssssssssh!” Silence fell between the two fillies for a few uncomfortable seconds. “I must… concentrate…” Diamond Tiara aimed for the hole, pulled back her club, and swung… and hit the ball into the water hazard past the hole. “AaaaaaAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!”

Silver Spoon removed her hooves from her ears and looked around nervously. She was so thankful that there was nopony else around. “Diamond, please-”

“One more putt!” Diamond declared as she ran over to the water where her ball was. “Siiiiiil! Get my ball for me!”

“Yeah yeah,” Silver Spoon sighed as she placed her own ball, club and the record sheet down and once again reached into the water for the ball.

Behind Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara chugged the last of her juice that had actually started to taste better the more she had drank it. She then hiccupped again.

---

Filthy Rich rushed into the reception area of the minigolf course where he had left the two fillies earlier that day. The same mare that was minding the counter before was still there, blowing bubbles with her bubblegum and reading a magazine with a rock band on the cover with a bored expression on her face.

“Excuse me, ma’am. I was here earlier with my daughter and her friend and I was wondering if they-”

“Little pink kid with the crown and grey kid with the glasses?” the mare asked before blowing another bubble.

“Yes! Are they still here?”

“They left,” the mare responded after her bubble popped. She then resumed her chewing in silence for a few seconds.

“Well… do you know where they went to, at least?”

“Dunno. The tipsy one said somethin’ about carts though.”

“‘Tipsy one’?” Filthy Rich asked in a concerned tone.

“Yeah, the pink one. She looked like she was walkin’ on two legs.”

Filthy Rich gulped. “Y-You said something about carts? Where might a place like that be around here?”

“Uhhh… Oh. There’s a go-kart track down that way,” the mare said, pointing a hoof behind her. “It’s next to the big climbing wall thingy.”

“Climbing wall thingy. Got it,” Filthy Rich said with a nod before heading out. He then came back in a second later and examined the mare behind the counter. She looked to be… about in her thirties, late-twenties at least, and she wasn’t hard on the eyes. “Say, I don’t suppose you-”

“Already got a coltfriend,” the mare said.

“Then thank you again for your help,” Filthy Rich said before running back outside.

---

Silver Spoon stared in confusion as her friend continued to giggle seemingly at nothing for what must have been five minutes now. Every time it seemed that Diamond Tiara was starting to calm down, suddenly the laughter rekindled and it was starting to test the limits of Silver Spoon’s patience.

Finally Diamond’s giggles quieted down enough for Silver Spoon to ask, “What are you laughing at?”

“Your name,” Diamond Tiara said through her laughter, “And your cutie mark… are the SAME! PFFT BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” And just like that, Diamond Tiara was down on her back again kicking her legs in an explosive fit of laughter.

“Uh, so is yours?” Silver Spoon pointed out, which seemed to silence Diamond immediately.

Diamond stood up at stared at her friend in shock for a few seconds. “… Oh my gosh, IT ISH!” Diamond’s laughter returned in full force. “DIAMOND TIARA! SHILVER SPOON! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”

Silver Spoon looked around and shied away from the strange looks pointed towards them from the nearby ponies. “Di, please stop. You’re really freaking me ou-”

“Hey, go-karts!” Diamond suddenly shouted, racing past Silver Spoon and jumping over the small fence surrounding the go-kart track.

“Diamond, you can’t-”

“It’s okay! I’ll get ush shome wheels!” Diamond assured her friend as she ran out onto the course, intercepting the path of an incoming filly in her go-kart, who screamed before steering quickly to the left, crashing into the wall of tires and coming to a complete stop. Diamond approached the filly and said, “You should be more careful! Driving ish dangerous, y’know?”

The filly unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the go-kart, crying as she ran towards the fence when an older mare with a concerned look on her face was waiting.

“Thanksh!” Diamond waved to the filly before getting into the go-kart. “Now lesshee…”

“Hey, you!”

Diamond looked up to see two stallions running towards her, one blowing a whistle and both looking very angry. “You’ll never take me alive!” Diamond Tiara proclaimed as she stomped on the left pedal. The go-kart responded by shooting backwards at full speed, riding up the hill behind it and flying into the air, over the fence, and landing on the ground outside. Diamond blinked a few times before a smile consumed her face. “That wash AWESOME!”

“Diamond, are you okay?!” Silver Spoon asked as she raced to her friend. “Oh my gosh, your hoof!”

Diamond looked at her right forehoof to find that it was fine. She then checked her left, then her left hind hoof, and finally found what her friend must have been concerned about. She was bleeding. “Eh, it’ll wash right out…”

“You two, stop right there!” a stallion shouted as he hopped the fence and ran towards the two.

“You can’t catch me! I’m Diamond Tiara Dashles! Er, I mean, the other way ‘round!” Diamond jumped out of her go-kart and ran away, tripping over falling onto her face in the process. She felt a hoof grab her left foreleg and found herself being pulled up by a very angry-looking stallion. At the same time, she felt something slip off of her head and heard a ‘clang’ on the ground.

“You’re coming with us!” the stallion said.

Diamond ignored his words though as her focus turned to the shiny tiara sitting on the ground. Diamond tried to reach for it but her reach was impaired by the hold of the stallion behind her. With her choices limited and her brainpower not up to its usual scratch, Diamond Tiara settled for the only plan she could conjure up at that time. “WaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

“H-Hey! Calm down!” the stallion pleaded, loosening his grip and allowing the filly to fall to her haunches as she bawled her eyes out in the centre of the gathering crowd. “Can somepony bring this kid a lollipop or… something?!”

Silver Spoon watched the respect she held for her friend dwindle to nothingness before her very eyes. With a solemn sigh and a shake of her head she decided to simply resign herself silently to the park’s security.

---

By the time Filthy Rich arrived at the go-kart track news of the loud pink filly causing a ruckus had already spread throughout the park and reached his ears. When he silently reported to the staff that he was said filly’s father, the security detail escorted him to the day care that was holding her and Silver Spoon.

He prayed that she hadn’t caused even more trouble in the meantime. When he finally got there, what he saw was worse than anything he could have ever imagine. His daughter was wearing a lampshade on her head, a loose tie around her neck, and she was dancing on top of a table whilst singing a song that most certainly did not match the barnyard jingle that the cassette tape behind her was playing.

“I like blank flanks and I cannot lie! You other fillies can’t deny!”

“She’s been like this for fifteen minutes now,” the day care teacher reported to the distraught father. “Her friend is in the next room receiving therapy.”

“Where did she even get those things?”

“She asked for them. She said ‘I don’t know why, but I feel I need them’.” The day care teacher simply shrugged. “She also asked for a kebab but I don’t know anywhere around here that sells them. I just gave her a piece of candy. I don’t think she even knows what a kebab is.”

“Diamond, honey-”

“DADDY!” Diamond Tiara hopped off of the table and ran into her father’s hooves. “Daddy, I had the beeeeeeeeeeest day ever! I got to play golf, and ride a c-car! And uh… I played golf! Oh, wait, I said that.” Diamond giggled and at her own foolishness. “Daddy! I got my licence today! I’ll drive ush home!”

“T-That’s fine, Diamond. We’ll walk.” Filthy Rich raised his head as he saw Silver Spoon walking towards them from the other room. “Are you okay? I’m terribly sorry about this.”

“It’s fine,” Silver Spoon said. “I’ll just repress this memory for the rest of my life and so long as we never speak of this again, we’ll be fine.”

“SILVY!” Diamond Tiara hugged her friend and gave her a big kiss on the lips. “You’re my beshtest friend, but don’t tell anyone I shaid that!”

Filthy Rich looked uncomfortable as he watched Silver Spoon wipe her lips. “Repressing the memory… Repressing the memory…”

Whilst Silver Spoon did her little chant, Diamond Tiara tugged at her father’s leg, gathering his attention. “Daddy, can you carry me?”

Filthy Rich fully intended to do so and quite frankly was happy that he wouldn’t have to deal with any protests from his daughter. Smiling, he knelt down and allowed her to climb onto his back. As he stood up, he turned to the day care teacher and the security pony and said, “I’m truly sorry about all this, she-”

“It’s fine,” the day care teacher said. “We’re used to foals having too much sugar and getting out of hoof.”

“At least the damage to the go-kart wasn’t too sever, and the parent of the filly driving it isn’t pressing any charges.”

Filthy Rich shifted his eyes about nervously. “Yes, a sugar rush. That’s exactly what this is.” Clearing his throat, Filthy Rich motioned for Silver Spoon to follow him. “Well then, let’s get this energetic little filly to bed before she crashes.”

A loud snoring sound from the father’s back told him that it was already too late for that. Diamond Tiara was already out cold. He left with Silver Spoon and explained to her that Diamond’s ‘juice’ was simply high in sugar, and that Diamond Tiara had what was called a ‘sugar rush’. Thankfully she seemed to buy it, and it turned out that this particular little secret would be one that Filthy Rich would take to his grave.

As the two walked, Filthy Rich learned that Diamond had only drunk one-and-a-half of the three bottles he had mistakenly put into her bag. This news brought about a shocking realisation for the stallion. ‘My daughter’s a lightweight…’

---

Diamond Tiara awoke with a groan. Her head was pounding, her body was hot and sweaty, the room was shaking, the birds were louder than usual, and she could smell something that she knew was herself, but was doing her best to deny.

“Diamond? Are you awake, sweetie?”

“Daddy?” Diamond asked, clearing her throat after hearing her own groggy voice. “W-What happened? Where am I? What about the golf and-”

“It’s okay. Just relax,” Filthy Rich said, offering his daughter a glass of water that she drank steadily. “Diamond, there’s something that we need to talk about.”

Diamond gulped as she swallowed her mouthful of water and looked up towards her dad. “There is?”

Filthy Rich nodded. “It’s a little early, but I need to teach you something about ‘hangovers’.”

“‘Hangovers’? What’s-” Diamond stopped suddenly as she felt something rushing up her body, from her stomach and approaching her mouth very quickly.

“Bathroom is down the hall and to the right,” he said. His daughter was off just as soon as she placed her glass down and slammed the door behind herself. “… Right. No more drinking on vacation,” the stallion told himself as he walked over towards his suitcase and opened it up, revealing the treasure trove of alcoholic beverages inside. One-by-one, Filthy Rich collected the bottles and poured them down the sink. “… She’s been in there a while. Probably passed out on the seat.”

Filthy Rich’s suspicions were proven false as he heard the bathroom door open behind him. Turning around, the stallion found his daughter approaching him with a horrified look on her face. “I… kissed Silver Spoon…” Filthy Rich nodded, and then she passed out.

Comments

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

This is very funny... and I felt so bad for Diamond Tiara.

[DerpedRainbow]

Drunk Diamond is so funny... Why am I tempted to get Alula drunk?

Do you think she would be bitter?

[superfun]

I think this is my favorite story so far.