In Good Company

by PseudoFiction

The Reprimand

The Reprimand

Staff Sergeant Buckshot’s quarters was as one might expect his quarters to be. More like an office than a living space.

His bed was perfectly made with the blanket folded back neatly to reveal the pillow – possibly stuffed with bricks like the mattress; because Buckshot was just that hard. He had a bookshelf stuffed with a mixture of history and fiction, all books on legendary and actual battles. Campaigns stretched Equestria and beyond. He had a big banner stamped with the Sol Guard logo – a clone of Celestia’s cutie mark – hanging over his desk shuffled neatly along the far wall. That was where he worked and it showed his work was as neatly as his bed and wardrobe. His papers were neatly stacked, organised in trays; even his quills and pencils were organised by colour and length.

It was a little unnerving for the privates who couldn’t even keep their hoof-lockers tidy. Even Steel Block wasn’t this organised.

Since the Royal Guard guidelines demanded all guardsponies be tidy at all times it was no surprise Buckshot was a little anal-retentive when it came to his living space.

Standing in a row, Brute Force, Mercury and Steel Block tried their best to look as pristine as the staff sergeant’s room. It turned out to be quite an impossible endeavour, since all three of their helmets were missing revealing their singed and tousled manes; their armour was dented and scorched in places and Brute Force even had lumps of cake stuck to his coat.

While the three earth-ponies stood to attention, Buckshot was pacing up and down the room wearing a groove in the floor. Not because he was nervous. Because he really hadn’t a clue what he should say and was trying to come up with an opening statement. He’d entered the room about ten minutes ago and haven’t even said hello. Not even an order to stand to attention.

It was eerie. Then again, this was not a normal situation.

The trio had been in trouble before. They’d been in deep trouble before. But not like this. Never like this. Heck, Colonel Hard Candy was fuming! She was on her way up, and honestly the sergeant wasn’t sure what he could say to get the colonel to take it easy on the privates.

And it begged the question, after what they did; did they deserve any slack?

Lifting his head, the staff sergeant paused his pacing and scanned the three faces. He chewed his cigar stub for a moment before it worked smoothly into the opposite corner of his mouth. Then with a sigh he lowered his head again and paced some more, realising he wasn’t quite sure how to begin yet.

Eventually though, Buckshot found his voice. And after such an extended silence, it came in a torrent of immense volume.

“WHAT THE HAY WERE YOU THINKING!?” The staff sergeant bellowed out.

Brute Force was the one who got a face full of Buckshot’s Royal Canterlot Voice, and it quite literally slicked back the remnants of his burned mane.

“Umm…” was the sheepish hum that came from all three privates.

“Don’t answer that.” Buckshot grumbled finding the volume control on his vocal-chords and pacing some more. As he moved he kept grumbling: “I should know the three of you don’t really think that often.”

“Are you mad, sarge?” Mercury asked meekly.

“No, he’s freakin’ peachy.” Brute Force hissed sarcastically.

Buckshot however shook his head vigorously and stopped pacing. Turning to face them, he straightened out his posture. “I’m not angry, kids...” he admitted before pausing to find the right words to express himself. “I’m just disappointed.”

Steel Block physically winced. “That hurts so much more, sarge.”

“I know, that’s why I said it.” The sergeant snapped at him before addressing the three of them again. “You know Colonel Hard Candy is actually coming up here to give you three a hard time, right? She probably has your discharge papers signed in triplicate too!”

Mercury gulped loudest of the three, knowing full well her mother would kill her if she got discharged.

“Doesn’t the colonel have anything better to do, sir?” Brute asked hoping the staff sergeant would say ‘yes.’

No such luck though. “Everypony needs a job, private. Colonel Hard Candy’s job is to be a mule.”

The staff sergeant lowered his head and paced some more. All three heads watched him innocently, turning as he moved to their left, whirled around and moved to the right. Eventually he halted again and sighed. Sitting on his haunches, Buckshot waved for the privates to be at ease. They barely moved.

“Let’s just get the explanation straight before she gets up here.” Buckshot sighed tiredly. “Tell me the whole story, start to finish. But trust me, it better be a good one!”

Awkwardly, the three private glanced at each other before Steel Block gave a nod. Being the most rational of the three, it was silently decided he ought to do the telling.

“Yes sir.” Steel Block began. “It started when we were assigned the royal quarters guard duty…”

~~~

“… oh-please, oh-please, oh-please!” Mercury bawled like an infant as she followed Steel Block like a lost puppy – puppy-dog eyes and all. “I’m curious!”

“No.” Steel Block growled for the hundredth time that evening as he rigidly marched his assigned patrol route.

His path circled the royal quarters. It passed by Celestia and Luna’s respective studies, as well as some royal guest chambers and the infamous Princess Celestia’s Bedchamber. We say infamous simply because nopony bar the princess of the sun and her sister really gets to go inside very often.

Steel Block’s hooves scraped and clicked sharply on the floor as he walked in a by-the-book rhythm. Private Mercury on the other hand was completely off-beat. In fact, she wasn’t even at her assigned post. She was supposed to be standing outside Princess Celestia’s study with Brute Force. Instead she was stalking Steel Block like a bad smell.

“Oh, c’mon!” Mercury pouted as Steel Block rounded the corner into the hallway bringing what was supposed to be a lonely patrol full circle. “Why not?”

“You know darn well why not!” Steel Block snapped as he passed by the door to the princess’ study.

Standing outside was Brute Force. Like the other two he was groomed and his charcoal armour – even the silver chainmail under-layer – was polished to a perfect shine. He stood in a half-attentive stance, half-wittedly taking his duty to guard the royal study half-seriously.

“He say yes yet?” Brute asked with an eager grin as he watched Steel and Mercury walk by.

“I’m working on it.” The mare grumbled. “C’mon, Steel! Don’t be such a hater, brony.”

“I’m not hating.” Steel Block stopped in his tracks to address the duo plaguing his motivation to perform his duty. “I just don’t have a death-wish!”

“Oh, c’mon!” Brute Force whine matching Mercury’s tone. “Nopony has to know. It’s so boring up here.”

Mercury nodded in agreement. “Yeah. And besides, with Celestia-…”

“Princess Celestia.” Brute Force quickly corrected with a whisper.

“Whatever,” – the mare snapped – “with her entertaining the Saddle Arabian diplomats downstairs nopony is going to be up here. We practically own the royal quarters for the evening.”

“You’re suggesting invading Princess Celestia’s privacy.” Steel Block hissed, checking the surroundings like they were talking about overthrowing the throne. “If we get caught we’ll be sent to the sun for sure. Or worse! We could be discharged from the guard!”

Brute Force and Mercury blinked a few times before the mare spoke again. “Your priorities are really weird.”

“We’re not breaking into the princess’ bedchamber.” Steel snapped.

That was when they did it. The worst possible thing the duo could have done. Their eyes widened, the black pupils growing twice the normal size. Their lips quivered as they stared up at their friend innocently – almost pathetically.

It was like having an adorably retarded puppy stare you down… worse yet, it was more like two adorably retarded puppies staring your down. There was simply no way he could say no again.

“Ugh…” with a deep sigh, Steel Block raked his forehoof down over his face. “Fine! Let’s make it quick.”

“Boo-yeah!” the other two whooped, leaping for joy.

Without hesitating or wasting any time they scrambled over the slick polished floor, leading the way to Princess Celestia’s bedroom with a distinct bounce in their step. Steel Block followed with less enthusiasm.

The bedroom door wasn’t too far away. Four doors down they found it. And it sort of stood out.

Made of dark-stained wood, the door had a gothic arched top and was home to a heavy brass set of hinges with a gold-plated knob. Decorative plates of a purple-ish metal decorated the wood with intricate swirls like honeysuckle growing over the wood.

Reaching up, Mercury grabbed the knob in both hooves and gave it a twist. Nothing happened. Not a click of the lock, not a groan of the hinges; not even a light rattle of the wood.

“Hgggnnnnnn!” Mercury didn’t relent, struggling against the door before giving up. “Okay,” – she sighed, catching her breath – “that’s locked.”

“Good!” Steel Block looked quite happy about that. “We can’t get in. Can we get back to work now?”

“Ugh.” Brute Force rolled his eyes stepping up and burying his head in one of the pouches attached to his armour. “Gimme a sec. I’ll pick the lock.” He suddenly re-emerged with a pair of probes lodged between his teeth.

Steel Block scoffed. “You know how to pick a lock?”

“I’m quite familiar with the ancient arts of subtlety.” Brute Force assured as he slotted the probes into the keyhole and started twiddling them with his fore-hooves…

~~~

Staff Sergeant Buckshot held up a hoof, interrupting the story. “Wait just a second. You picked the lock?” he asked disbelievingly.

The privates glanced at each other as if to confer before Brute Force slowly nodded his head. “Uh, y-yeah. Yes sir.”

Buckshot cocked an eyebrow before pointing at the private. “… you? The patience to pick a lock?”

Brute Force rubbed his neck sheepishly feeling his cheeks burn. “Well… I tried to pick it.”

“How did that work out for you?”

“Uhm…” tapping his lip, Brute Force had to think carefully about what he said next…

~~~

The lock holding Celestia’s bedroom door in place broke in a shower of splinters and shards of metal as Brute Force put a leg clean through it. The door slammed open loudly with a thunderous clang that echoed throughout the royal quarters.

One at a time, the three earth-ponies poked their heads over the threshold to look inside. Mercury – at the top – was grinning broadly. Steel Block – in the middle – seemed less pleased and scowled down to Brute Force at the bottom of their stack.

“Ancient arts of subtlety, eh?” Steel Block rumbled.

Brute shrugged. “Ah, the ancient arts were too slow.”

One at a time the ponies trotted into Celestia’s bedroom, looking about like excited tourists observing the inside of a forbidden tomb open to the public. Steel Block was less excited though, carefully poking his head out the door and looking up and down the hallway to keep watch.

Princess Celestia did have some neat digs. It was definitely fancier than the guards’ billets. Honestly though, it wasn’t quite what they had expected. It was quite dark, but in a cosy way. It was as if they had been teleported up into the sky and were standing on the clouds during a summer’s eve; just before the sun dipped over the horizon to make way for Luna’s moon.

Passing the small rosebush growing in a pot by the door, Mercury and Brute Force spread out around the bed laid into the centre of the floor. Brute experimentally prodded the long golden comforter running along the long edge of the bed while Mercury poked her head into the massive hearth nearby. Steel Block was still by the door keeping watch.

“You satisfied now?” the larger stallion called to his friends. “It’s just another fancy room.”

“Oh, man, this is awesome!” Mercury suddenly squealed over the sound of rattling armour.

Hearing the metal plates of her uniform shifting, Steel Block closed his eyes with a calming sigh. “I’m going to turn around, and when I do you’d better not be naked on the princess’ bed.”

“Oh, no.” Brute Force chuckled as Steel Block whipped around. “It’s better than that.”

Jerking his eyes open, Steel Block felt his stomach twist. His expression sank. What he saw was indeed better than seeing the private jumping on the princess’ bed. For given value of better of course. What she was doing certainly made their odds of being banished to the sun better if they got caught better.

Private Mercury had dived head-first into Celestia’s wardrobe and re-emerged wearing the royal vestments over her own armour. Perched atop her helmet was a golden tiara centred with a glistening gem, an identical stone centring the heavy necklace draped on her neck. Even though her armour bulked her already buff physique out a bit, the golden apparel was still too big.

“I didn’t know she had spares.” She said inspecting the shiny tiara perched on her helmet.

Mercury looked herself up and down, wiggling her butt a little to get more comfortable. Brute Force couldn’t help imagine his friend was actually Princess Celestia as she made the motion – were he a pegasus, his wings would have been standing on end.

“Oooh, check out my swag! I’m Princess Celestia. I raise the sun! One of these days, Luna. One of these days. Wham! Bam! Straight to the moon!”

Steel Block’s hoof met his face with an armoured clang. “We are going to die.”

As if her impression of Celestia wasn’t enough, Mercury proceeded to walk up and down the room. Though it wasn’t so much a walk as it was a strut. Imitating the models she’s often seen at those fancy shows wearing the latest Sapphire Shores apparel; Mercury wagged her flanks in an exaggerated fashion as she placed one hoof in front of the other…

~~~

“Objection!” Mercury cried derailing the tale. “I did not do a sexy strut. That is preposterous. It was a normal walk. Sir, Steel Block is a liar.”

Steel Block gave a little chuckle. “When have you ever heard me lie? I assure you, sir. That strut had sexy written all over it.”

“I couldn’t less care if she did a moon-walk! Get on with it!” the staff sergeant demanded impatiently.

~~~

“How much do I look like Celestia in this?” Mercury asked as she stopped strutting long enough for the two stallions to properly take in the fact their friend was breaking some very sacred rules.

“It’s close.” Brute Force admitted with a nod. “You’re only missing the horn and the wings. Oh, and the stature. You’re too short. The vestments don’t quite fit. Also, your eyes are off. Ooh-ooh, and your mane isn’t right for...” thinking about Celestia in some more detail; Brute Force was glad he wasn’t a pegasus or his wings would have been standing on end again.

“Alright, alright. I get it.” Mercury huffed before her expression brightened again. “Hey, we should find some other guards and mess with ‘em. Convince ‘em the princess has been transformed into an earth-pony.”

Steel Block was gaping, wondering what kind of idiocy it took to come up with an idea like that. “Are, uh… are you high?” he quickly looked to Brute Force for some support. “Is she high?”

Brute shook his head. “No, no, of course she’s not. Only a rational mind comes up with a plan so freakin’ hair-brained.”

The stallion then stood there for a moment staring at Mercury. Though it was as if he was looking right through her. All he could see was her motions and the motions of the royal vestments. And before long he was seeing Princess Celestia in her place. Those long slender legs working in a trot-on-the-spot. The tone muscles beneath the smooth flank flexing as she paused to wag her hips to an invisible beat. Those gorgeous pink eyes made only more alluring by her bedroom eyes…

“Brute?” Steel Block asked seeing the pony was in a trance.

“I think it’s worth a shot.” Brute Force suddenly agreed to the hair-brained scheme with a dreamy grin.

~~~

The story was once again interrupted by Staff Sergeant Buckshot. Only this time he didn’t say anything. In fact he didn’t do anything. He just stood there, frozen like a statue, eyes screwed shut and a hoof plastered to his face.

Still.

Pondering.

Silent.

And he stayed that way for a good two minutes before the privates figured something might be horribly wrong. Heck, the staff sergeant wasn’t even breathing!

“Aherm.” Brute Force cleared his throat leaning in to check if the sergeant was still alive. “How am I supposed to help I think our princess is hot…? Sarge? Eh… sarge? You okay?”

“Aw, crud. We broke him.” Mercury groaned.

In fact, they did not break him. Sure, if stupidity could be measured in units of mass they’d all be consumed in the black hole generated by Brute Force. But it took more than such idiocy to break Staff Sergeant Buckshot. In fairness though, they certainly came close.

“Keep going.” Buckshot groaned without moving. At least he was still breathing.

~~~

“I said put them back, Merc!” Steel Block’s voice carried out of the royal bedchamber and into the hallway.

Escaping out after the fading sound of his voice, Brute Force stumbled over the threshold and caught his breath. Back inside Steel Block was chasing Mercury around the bed trying to force her to put Celestia’s royal vestments back where she found them. Naturally, Mercury was resistant.

Once out in the hall, Brute trotted to a halt, freezing when he saw what was waiting for him. He iddn utter a sound, didn’t move a muscle and didn’t dare so much as blink.

Behind him Private Mercury skidded out into the hall laughing, still adorned in the golden necklace and the tiara. “Can’t touch this!” she whooped. “We’re not putting ‘em back, I feel too pretty!”

Steel Block stepped out of the room at the same time. “A unique moment, eh?”

“Guys?” Brute Force quietly called to them.

“I already told you, Steel! Nopony is up here!” Mercury said ignoring Brute. “Let’s just have some fun for once. Just one guardspony. It’ll be sweet!”

“Guys?” Brute asked again, whimpering this time.

“Not a chance you degenerate. I don’t wanna die!” Steel Block growled with a glare.

“Guys!” Brute raised his voice.

Sick of his whimpering, both Steel Block and Mercury rounded on the other pony. “What!?” they shouted at the same time.

Brute Force lifted a shaking hoof and pointed at what he was looking at. And slowly the other two took it in.

Princess Luna looked like she had just woken up. Her tiara was crooked and there were sleepy bags under her eyes. But there was an alertness in her stance and expression, despite her still having a bed-head – not an easy look to pull off with a magical mane.

“Oh.” Was all Steel Block could say as the princess of the night glared at the three of them.

Mercury sharply cleared her throat. “Okay, first let me assure you; this is exactly what it looks like.”

Princess Luna’s lips moved as she bellowed out a single word: “Thieves!”

“Okay, then. Maybe not.”

What happened next could only be described as the gates of Tartarus being kicked open… and as such the three earth-ponies took off running with a furious alicorn in their wake.

Blasts of pale light blasted the corridors, singing the air. A moment later Mercury, Brute Force and Steel Block came skittering around the corner, stumbling over themselves as they struggled to get their ironclad hooves to purchase on the polished floor. Crashing into the wall in a tangled heap of earth-pony, the trio quickly pushed off and charged headlong for the stairs leading away from the royal quarters. A moment later Luna followed, her wings fully extended and fluttering to assist with the sharp turn so she wouldn’t stumble like the thieves she seemed intent on vaporising.

“THOU DARE STEAL FROM THINE PRINCESSES!?”Luna’s voice shook the very foundations of Canterlot as she yelled after them.

“We’doth dareth noteth, princesseth!” Brute called back.

“Not helping!” Steel Block scolded.

The trio galloped screaming down the spiralling staircase with blasts of energy hitting the walls at their sides and glancing against their thick armour. The tiara perched on Mercury’s helmet was shattered into a thousand molten globs as Luna landed a lucky hit. Lucky, since it missed the original target and didn’t take the private’s head off.

Launching themselves from the final treads of the staircase the trio wasted no time in sprinting into the dining chamber. Honestly, they were just making up their route as they went along. They didn’t know where they were going, and the dining chamber was simply the next room in their path.

Unfortunately for them, Princess Celestia happened to be having supper with her important guests from Saddle Arabia in the dining hall.

All figures seated at the long table set immaculately in the centre of the cavernous room stiffened as the great doors flew open with a crash that shook the crystal chandeliers above their heads. Shifting only her eyes to look, Princess Celestia watched with wide eyes as three earth-pony guard sprinted around the table, followed almost immediately by Luna. Her younger sister was shouting all sorts of ancient Equestria insults, some of which elicited a blush from the older princess.

A lunar blast slammed into the side of Brute Force’s helmet, glancing at an odd angle and causing the beam of light to crater into the floor. The force of the blow however tossed the pony into the air and sent him crashing down on the dining table. An explosion of dishes and cutlery sprayed into the air as the private continued trying to run even as he landed, sending him ploughing through a cake Princess Celestia had been looking forward to trying.

Bursting out the other side, Brute Force slid from the table top to the side of his fellow privates again and all three of them ran screaming out the other end of the dining hall.

“Mommy-eeeeeeee!” Brute Force wailed trailing tears from the corners of his eyes.

“She’s gone loco in the coco!” Steel Block bellowed.

“Everypony for themselves!” Mercury shouted. “Mares and foals last!”

As the four of them charged out the other end of the chamber, Celestia blinked a few times confoundedly. All she really could do is look to her sides to take in the similarly stunned expressions of her Saddle Arabian guests. Assessing the situation quickly, the immortal princess did what she did best in moments of duress.

She remained calm, levitated a delicate cup of steaming tea on a golden cloud to her lips and took a sip before chuckling softly. “So! As you can see there is never a dull moment in Equestria!” she said calmly to her silent guests.

Luckily, they seemed to chuckle at the awkwardness of the situation. A sound that was quickly drowned out by the voices shouting in the next room.

“Come and meet your maker, defiler of purity!” Luna bellowed from afar.

Almost immediately there was a reply from one of the ponies she was chasing: “But I don’t wanna meet him! He’s a meanie!”

~~~

“… Princess Celestia called off Princess Luna and then sent us up here. You know the rest.” Steel Block finished up the story for the stunned staff sergeant, quickly adding: “S-sir.”

The trio watched as the staff sergeant took it in. For a moment Buckshot was impossible to read. And then he was all too easy to read. A plethora of expressions washed over him. Anger first. Disappointment next. Finally he transitioned through sadness, confusion and everything in between before resting on his neutral expression again.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose with one hoof, the stallion squeezed his eye shut and sighed heavily.

“Okay, so let me get this straight.” He re-capped slowly. “The three of you left your posts. Broke into Princess Celestia’s bedchamber by kicking the door down. Tried on the royal vestments.”

Brute Force raised his hoof to interrupt. “Only Merc actually tried on the royal vestments so we all shouldn’t really be punished for tha-…”

“Shut it!” Buckshot bellowed before calming himself and continued where he left off. “Tried on the royal vestments. Scared Princess Luna half to death. Blazed a trail of anarchy from the bedchambers to the dining chamber. Upset the Saddle Arabian diplomats. Is that the whole list!?”

“Yes, sir.” The three privates mumbled ashamedly.

Buckshot gave a satisfied nod before a small grin cracked his face. “Please tell me… why shouldn’t I just promote each of your right now?”

The three ponies on trial paused for a moment. Letting that comment sink in they gave each other very confused glances.

Brute Force eventually managed to answer that very odd question. “Because… uh… it would be a very confusing form of punishment?”

Steel Block then suggested: “Maybe because we reached a whole new low?”

Finally, Mercury was the only one smirking confidently: “Because we’re awesome?”

Buckshot ignored all three of them, laughing to himself. with a deep sigh he shook his head like he was trying to explain a confusing concept to a bunch of dim-witted foals.

“Okay, I’ll admit I was furious when I first heard what happened,” – he began – “and if Princess Celestia hadn’t talked to be before I came in here I would have hoof-slapped the three of you so hard the Three Stooges would have felt it.

“It goes entirely against my better judgement telling you this; for fear it might actually encourage you degenerates. Princess Celestia told me to take it easy on you since she’s willing to overlook this little discrepancy. Why, you ask? Because your infinite retardation actually helped her out.

“The Saddle Arabian diplomats loved the little ruckus you caused. They thought you were royal jesters and that you were putting on some kind of show with Princess Luna. They admitted they were unaccustomed to Equestria humour, but it was amusing none the less. You degenerates actually made their visit positively memorable.”

“Th-… that’s good, right?” Brute Force asked in a panic. “Is that good? I think that sounds good, but is it good?”

“Chill, Brute. It’s good.” Steel Block let out a breath of relief.

Brute mimicked the action. “Oh, thank Celestia… literally!”

Buckshot continued: “And because you were honest with me, I’m going to overlook this whole mess. Just as long as you make sure this doesn’t happen again. Deal?”

“What about the colonel, sir?” Steel Block asked bringing up the uncomfortable fact Hard Candy could still burst in at any moment to lay waste to the trio.

Staff Sergeant Buckshot grinned. “The princess and I know how to deal with the colonel.”

It was like she had been standing outside with her ear pressed up against the door just waiting for here cue. Because right then the room’s door flew open.

And in walked Hard Candy. Though walked is probably the wrong word to use. It was more like a charge. She slid to a halt in the centre of the room looking around wildly; literally frothing at the mouth, the look in her fierce eyes spelling out ‘K-I-L-L!’

“I just heard from the royal advisor what happened! Where are they? Where are those idiots!? I’ll kill them!” glancing around the room it didn’t take her that long to spot the privates. Charging closer she squared up to each of the ponies. “There you are! You’re discharged! Every one of you! I’m going to do the paperwork right now! You’re going to be out of my regiment so fast you’re foals ‘ll come into this world wondering what hit ‘em…!” she motioned to say more when an authoritative voice cut across her.

“That won’t be necessary, colonel!” Buckshot barked standing to attention.

Not taking kindly to being interrupted mid-rant, the colonel rounded on the staff sergeant. “I-beg-your-pardon!?” Hard Candy snipped out each word sharply, irritation evident in her voice.

Buckshot’s stance – physical and mental – didn’t waver; not for a second. “These guardsponies were acting under orders, colonel. The princess personally ordered them to act as entertainment for the diplomats. And she chose wisely it seems. Negotiations proved successful thanks to the privates and I was considering commendations.”

“Why wasn’t I made aware of these orders?” Hard Candy immediately snapped in response.

The answer to that one was quite simple, as Buckshot proved. “Because nopony likes you, colonel.” He said simply.

Brute Force resisted the urge to dive under the sergeant’s bed for cover. Mercury considered running for cover anyway. Steel Block braced himself like he was on a front-line waiting for the enemy to charge right into his iron-wing...

Hard Candy stared unblinking at the staff sergeant for a moment, then seemed to give a satisfied nod, accepting that answer like the gospel word of her princess. “… ah. Good work, then. Carry on.”

As quickly as she had barged in, Hard Candy casually trotted out of the staff sergeant’s room leaving the others to their devices. Brute Force’s ears twitched with each fading click of her hoof-steps until they were gone completely.

Turning wide eyed back to Buckshot, the private couldn’t help let out a broad smile and a squeak. “Sarge?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re awesome.”

Staff Sergeant Buckshot chuckled proudly. “I know. Now get out of here ‘fore I change my mind and decide to punish you with some parade-drills.”

Needless to say, the trio didn’t waste any time taking their leave.

~~~

Catching their breath, the trio made their way down to the barracks for the rest of the day. They’d find the darkest corner they could and hide for the rest of the week. Or at least until all this blew over. No point tempting fate. They were lucky enough as it was. And Hard Candy could only be warded off with so much horse-crud.

The shortest route took them by the entrance hall of the Canterlot palace, so that was the route they took. Pacing briskly and trying not to meet the eyes of other guardsponies on guard the trio spoke quietly among themselves.

“That was way too close.” Mercury whispered.

“Oh, now you’re thinking about getting in trouble.” Steel Block rumbled.

Brute Force was literally wringing the sweat from his mane as he followed them with his helmet balanced on his back. “I know she let us off the hook, but I gotta wonder.” He piped up. “Do you think Princess Celestia is angry with us anyway?”

“How the hay am I supposed to know?” Mercury trailed off, leading the way across the edge of the entrance hall.

As his friends trotted ahead of him, Steel Block slowed to a stop. As the sharp clicks of his iron hooves halted with a soft scrape on the polished floor, he found himself gazing across the cavernous chamber. He was looking right at the mighty doors leading out to the bridge leading away from the palace and into the city of Canterlot proper.

He saw them there saying goodbye. Princess Celestia was saying her final goodbyes to the extremely pleased looking Saddle Arabian diplomats. The foreign ponies seemed over the moon. No doubt they were still thinking of the trio’s hilarious display of cowardice in the dining hall earlier.

Steel Block watched as the Saddle Arabians turned and trotted away gleefully with a Royal Guard pegasus escort. As they faded over the brow of the front bridge, Celestia seemed to collapse.

As if she had been holding a breath since the start of the day, the tall princess nearly slumped right to the floor. Her billowing mane drooped over the ground, less like a magical aura and more like a tired puddle of molasses stuck to her head and rear. She even reached up and with a relieved expression wiped the sweat from her brow.

Looking up she saw Steel Block standing there. Recognising him as one of the three guardsponies who had given her guests quite a show, she didn’t glare. In fact, she smiled. Brighter than Steel had ever seen her smile. It was kind of like staring into the sun, and the private had to blink hard a few times just to take it in.

Eventually she mouthed something. Steel Block couldn’t be one hundred percent sure, but he was pretty confident it was the words ‘thank’ and ‘you’ chained together.

With that the princess turned away and walked away slowly in the direction of the royal bedchambers. No doubt she was going to disappear into a hot bath for the rest of the day.

“I bet she’ll come to her senses later and send us to the sun.” Brute Force grimaced from across the chamber.

Turning, Steel Block quickly broke into a trot to catch up. “Y’know; I’m thinking maybe she isn’t mad!” he called to his friends.

“What makes you say that?” Mercury asked suspiciously.

“Oh, just a hunch.”

Comments

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Nice. A royal ruckus is always fun.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Ogrepony]

[APS]