• Published 2nd May 2013
  • 1,498 Views, 22 Comments

In Good Company - PseudoFiction



Come and meet some guardsponies from Stonewall Company... and regret it shortly after...

  • ...
3
 22
 1,498

The Fun Run

The Fun Run

The track was alive with stomping hooves and the sweaty bodies of mares and stallions alike. The evening air was cool as the sun dipped low behind the far off mountains. A few stars dotted the clear sky as the vague outline of the moon peeked over the far horizon as if to see if the sun was down yet. Without the blistering heat of the summer sun, it was easier for the Royal Guard with some free time to exercise.

It made a few laps around the kilometre long running track a bit more doable too. Especially for Stonewall Company, as they ran the track in full armour under Colonel Hard Candy’s supervision… or were they orders? She always blurred the line between the two.

The trampling of hooves was often interrupted by the rattle of armour as another earth-pony collapsed from fatigue – the sound quickly followed by Colonel Hard Candy chewing somepony out.

“You’re pathetic!” she screamed, trotting over to where Corporal Iron Gates fell panting for sweet oxygen like a dog. “You’re a shame to the regiment! Get your flank off the track!” her voice practically broke like that of a teenager when she screamed.

Standing back from the edge of the track, Staff Sergeant Buckshot was seen standing in a typical guard-pose. Tall, disciplined… and sighing with a disappointed shake of his head. Not disappointed that he wasn’t running the track with the other ponies. Not disappointed that Hard Candy had to resort to such deplorable means in an attempt to come across as a tough-cookie. Not disappointed that Corporal Iron Gates had dropped out of the mandatory PT run.

He was disappointed he wasn’t standing there chewing out the ponies from his beloved company. After all, somepony needed to show Hard Candy how it was done properly.

Ignoring the sight of Hard Candy continuing giving Iron Gates a hard time while he limped to where the other ponies who dropped out nursing their poor aching legs; Staff Sergeant Buckshot turned his eyes to the last three remaining runners from Stonewall Company.

It wasn’t hard to spot them.

The oval shaped track trampled into the courtyard dirt was home to a mixture of ponies. Among the dozen or so pale white Sol Guard pegasi and the night-sky blue Lunar Guard pegasi with bat-like wings; the three heavily armoured earth-ponies sort of stood out.

Their armour rattled as their bodies hauled it laboriously in a steady three-beat gait. Their breathing wheezed and rasped as they felt the sweat drool down their faces between their fur and their heavy helmets. And yet they didn’t falter, they didn’t stumble and they didn’t slow.

They kept up their canter, three of them side by side in a perfect row formation. Well… for a given value of perfect.

Brute Force was breathing hardest of the three; and yet he was still talking. “... so then I said; eat it? I already spewed it!” he managed a smile through his fatigue.

Private Mercury narrowed her eyes. “That’s disgusting.”

“That’s funny. Normally you’re the gross one.” Steel Block reasoned.

“Yeah, I’m scared too.”

“Uh, oh.” Brute Force suddenly panted, lowering his head a little as his ears pinned to the back of his helmet. “Lap over.”

Rounding the final curve of their forty-second lap they spotted Colonel Hard Candy waiting at the finish line. She wouldn’t be satisfied until they hit fifty laps, and she watched them with angry eyes; almost willing them to foul up so she’d have an excuse to shout at them.

The trio were unwilling to give her the satisfaction.

As they approached, they lifted their heads proudly, and despite the fatigue managed to push out their chests and lifted their armoured hooves higher into a proud parade-grade canter. And despite the proud display that made Staff Sergeant Buckshot beam proudly, Hard Candy turned her head to follow them with suspiciously narrowed eyes.

To add to the effect, the trio weren’t exactly silent in their passing of the finish line for the forty-second time.

“When I die please bury me deep; do not cry and do not weep!” Mercury sang between pants for breath.

As they passed by Hard Candy, Brute Force took over with: “Don’t let my momma shed a tear; just pack my box with PT gear!”

Finally, when fading off around the next bend that carried them – thankfully – away from the colonel, Steel Block rumbled out: “Don’t you worry, don’t come undone; you’ll see me in heaven on a PT run!”

Rounding the far bend, Brute Force dared a glance back to see Hard Candy turn her gaze towards some Lunar Guard sprinting past her. Letting out a breath of relief, he gave his friends a nod. Once more they slowed to a more casual jog.

“I think I’m about to spew it.” Mercury complained referring to Brute Force’s story earlier.

“Seven more laps.” Brute Force squeaked breathlessly. “We can do it… almost there…”

He didn’t get to say much more as the rapid hoof beats of a few sprinting ponies echoed inside their helmets.

“Move slow-pokes!”

“Outta the way, Sol Guard!”

“Does your mommy know you’re out here!?”

The cries behind them escalated into much more graphic mother-related jeers as a formation of pegasi galloped past the trio. As the Lunar Guard pegasi laughed and forced clouds of dust into the faces of the earth-ponies, one even shouldered past Steel Block.

Steel Block – as per his namesake – was like a block of solid steel. He was hard to move at the best of times. But even so the batty Pegasus managed to take advantage, causing the stallion to stumble and nearly face-plant the beaten ground.

“Urgh!” the trio broke out coughing as the pegasi proceeded to hover right in front of them, purposely trampling up clouds of dust in their wake. As Brute Force was consumed in a cloud of dust, he couldn’t help expend a load of energy giving out. “Beat it ‘ya degenerates! Don’t make me open up a can of flank-kicking!”

The Lunar Guard just laughed and blew raspberries as they took off into a fresh gallop.

Rounding the bend for the next lap, Mercury scowled after them. “Bunch of butt-holes!”

Spitting out a mouthful of dirt, Brute Force blinked hard a few times before looking up and commenting on something. “Hey, isn’t that Princess Celestia?”

The other two looked up and were indeed treated with the sight of the princess they were sworn to protect. And she wasn’t alone.

Princesses Celestia and her younger sister, Luna stood on a balcony walkway overlooking the courtyard home to the Royal Guard PT track. Both alicorn were the epitome of ponykind. Considered Gods of the day and night respectively, they truly had befitting stature. Taller than any pony – Steel Block included – with an elegant, slender build their manes and tales were long billowing auras of magic representing their domains. Celestia had a rainbow-esque aura filled with warm summer colours. Luna’s mane was the colour of a moonlit midnight sprawled with glittering stars.

And as if driven by their presence, Privates Mercury, Brute Force and Steel Block pushed through their next wind. Looking at each other with new motivation gleaming in their eyes, the trio nodded among themselves. They were all thinking the same thing.

“Privates,” – Hard Candy began to scold as the trio approached – “you’re starting to slow-…”

She didn’t even finish her sentence as a great cloud of dust was kicked up by the Stonewall Company trio. They broke into a fresh sprint, the ribbed metal soles on their hooves struggling to grip in the dirt with the sudden acceleration. They galloped full tilt like their worst drill instructor was breathing down their neck. They sprinted for dear life like they were under fire from enemy crossbows. They charged like they were aiming to break an enemy front-line.

“… down?” the colonel coughed as she was left for words – Buckshot whooping somewhere behind her.

The trio’s hooves beat the dirt mercilessly with a vigour that shook the ground. Their thunderous hoof-falls were heard by even the princesses who paused their conversation to look up and see what the commotion was. What they saw were a group of Lunar Guard look back with worried frowns to see a heavily armoured trio of earth-ponies assault up behind them.

A moment later, with Steel Block at the lead of their wedge formation, the earth-ponies crashed into the dark-furred pegasi. The Lunar Guards scattered like bowling-pins as several kilos of stallion flesh and muscle barrelled right through their ranks. They flapped their wings to no avail, but were unable to take off before the earth-pony knocked them down.

“Rrraaaaaaaagh, ha-ha-haaaa!” Steel Block roared with laughter, bulldozing through the Lunar Guard like they weren’t even there. “Sol Guard rule!”

Mercury let out a similar laugh, hot on Steel’s tail and galloping through the path he cleared. “Lunar Guard drool!”

“Hoo-ah!” Brute Force bellowed hopping over the broken and confused ranks of pegasi.

No longer hassled, their rivals laying confused in the dirt, the trio slowed to a trot, desperately trying to catch their breath from the short gallop. But it didn’t stop them laughing.

And they weren’t the only ponies laughing…

There were several Sol Guard unicorns watching. Many of them whistled and whooped, cheering their fellows on. The rest of Stonewall Company watching from the side-lines – though out of breath – mustered up what energy they could and jumped up, cheering for their comrades. Corporal Iron Gates was pumping a forehoof in the air while a private beside him put his hooves to his mouth and let out a deafening whistle of approval.

There was a distinct: “Hoo-ah, Stonewall Company!” shouted from above by one of the pegasi from the Pegasus Fast Recon Regiment.

There was even a laugh from the balcony overlooking the courtyard. It wasn’t such a loud laugh like from the other guardsponies. More delicate and civilised, like a motherly giggle.

Luna turned her gaze away from the gross display of masculine bravado to see her older sister was giggling at what those three uncouth stallions had done to some of her closest personal guard. Celestia quickly covered her face with her forehoof trying to straighten out her face. She failed horribly and let out a very loud snort.

“Sister! That was not funny!” Princess Luna pouted. “Somepony could have been hurt!”

Princess Celestia quickly nodded and waved her hoof over her face. “Aherm! You are right. I’m sorry, that was unprofessional and un-sisterly of me.”

The pause lasted an impressive five seconds before Princess Celestia saw Private Brute Force had backtracked and was moon-walking on all-fours between the sour looking Lunar Guard.

“Yeah!” the stallion cried whipping around and moon-walking into the opposite direction. “How do you like me now? Bring it! Bring it! Come at me, brony!”

At the sight the princess couldn’t help force out another loud snort through both her nose and pursed lips.

Tii-aaa!” Luna whined girlishly at her sister who was practically doubled over and rolling on the floor.

Composing herself once more and smiling apologetically, Celestia shyly uttered the Stonewall Company war-cry.

“Hoo-ah?”