Letters From a Secret Admirer
By Subsolar Drift
Chapter 1
Rainbow Dash sat in front of freshly formed cloud desk strewn with crumpled papers stained with ink. Her eyes sagged, heavy from the late hour. Her mind protested the work, sending her thoughts off in different directions to distract her. At that moment she was staring at her desk. Even though she was a pegasus, she still at times wondered about how condensed water vapor supported things. She knew it shouldn't be able to hold anything. Maybe it's enchanted. she reasoned.
Shaking her head, she returned to her work looking over what she had written. She remembered where she had been and returned to her work at a frantic pace, scribbling things out here or circling something there, making sure everything was perfect. She worked quickly, hoping she could soon get some much needed sleep. The last week had been so chaotic she could almost hear Discord's laughter from his statue in Canterlot. But before she could sleep, she had to finalize her plan and put the Mare Do Well fiasco behind her.
The sound of her quill scratching at the paper filled the room as she worked until finally, several minutes later, it stopped. She brought herself to her hooves and picked up the finished paper. She looked it over with reverence and triumph. “It’s finally done!” She laughed, her voice cracking slightly, dry from lack of use. Rainbow didn't need to talk often at home due to the lack of neighbors. It was a benefit of living in cloud home, but it was quite often too quiet which led to Rainbow Dash talking to herself.
“My greatest creation," she cackled, slightly loopy from the late hour but happy nonetheless. "My magnum opium—”
She frowned, her words not sounding quite as she thought they should. “Opium? No, that's not right..." She thought for a moment rubbing her temple with a hoof. "Orphen? Open? I know it begins with an O..." She sighed in frustration.
"Ahh, whatever.” She shrugged, deciding it wasn't important. Returning to her laughter, she continued. “I've made my Sonic Rainboom of plans!” Taking full advantage of the moment, she let loose her evil laugh. She'd spent many hours perfecting it, as a good pranker must, and used it whenever she had the opportunity.
“This will show them they can't make a fool out of Rainbow Dash!” She cried, turning around to let the room bask in the glory that was Rainbow Dash. Her laughter cut short when she saw Tank looking at her with a deadpan expression, as if Dash talking to herself and laughing like a mad mare was a common occurrence .
“What?” She asked the tortoise, blushing slightly and pretending to look like she'd known he was there the whole time.. Pausing a moment before speaking again, she sighed “No, I’m not really that mad at them. I was being really braggy... Is that a word? Braggy?” She shook her head again, getting back to the conversation with her pet. “Not important. Anyways, I’m fine with what they did, I just can’t miss this perfect opportunity to prank them! I wouldn't be Rainbow 'Danger' Dash if I let this chance go!"
The tortoise just continued to stare. “Oh, come on. It’s nothing that harsh. It's just a few harmless pranks.” she groaned. At that, the tortoise seemed satisfied and slowly turned to leave.
Rainbow Dash flapped back to her desk, scattering loose papers around the room, and looked over the plan once more. She gave it one final check to ensure that everything would be perfect. A yawn interrupted her work and she glanced over to the clock. Deciding that she was just about done and whatever wasn't finished could be finalized tomorrow, she shut out the lights and retired to her room.
That night, Rainbow Dash slept easily, dreaming of pranks with apple monsters, exploding cakes, mane dye in shampoo bottles, a fake dragon costume tied to a bear, and a simple letter.
Two Days Later
High above Ponyville the clouds drifted calmly through the sky, nopony paying them any heed. Why would they? They're just clouds. That was what Rainbow Dash counted on as she laid comfortably on one of the many that spotted the sky. She grinned, full of nervous excitement, as she trained her binoculars on the front of Twilight Sparkle’s house.
Her plan was coming together marvelously. She had ordered all the various supplies she would need to prank her friends and had written the letter for Twilight. Now all she had to do was wait.
For all of fifteen seconds, Rainbow Dash managed to stay still until at last her body twitched, demanding to be moved and expend the excess energy it had. Dash silently cursed the three espressos she had needed to function so early in the morning. Dash was not a morning pony.
She shifted her position and tried to settle down again to focus on her friends home. Her mind began to drift as she monitored the library for any changes, imagining what would happen when the unicorn woke up.
After returning to the land of the living, Twilight would come out of her house for the the morning paper and check her mail. There she would find a letter addressed to her. Curious, she would doubtless open and read it, falling right into Rainbow’s trap. The romantic letter from a secret admirer would be completely out of the blue, and just like a cat her curiosity would be her downfall. The question of who sent the letter would eat away at her, keeping her from her precious study and books until she finally set them aside to try and discover who the sender was. She would keep getting letters for a while until one day they would just stop. Twilight would never find out who sent them and would end up frustrated and disappointed, just like Dash had been when Mare-Do-Well had stolen her spotlight.
Dash's brow furrowed. I guess I'm more bitter than I thought. she realized. Whatever, it's not like it'll hurt her. She won't find who sent the letters and that'll be that. She'll forget it and move on. Dash's stomach churned slightly. She attributed it to her nerves and shook it off.
At last, the door she had been so closely monitoring opened. Out came Twilight in her bathrobe, making Dash chuckle a little. She really wears that outside? Dash struggled to stifle her laughter just in case Twilight could hear it. Just as planned, the unicorn grabbed the newspaper and opened up the mailbox, taking its contents and heading back inside. Phase one complete. Dash checked a box on her mental plan, and flew to another cloud she had set up. Begin phase two.
Here, she had a perfect view of Twilight’s kitchen. Everyday without fail, she came into her kitchen, sat down with a cup of coffee, read the news, and checked her mail. Sure enough, in came Twilight who took a seat and began to sort through her mail. Dash’s hoof tapped impatiently. Come on! Your mail can't be that interesting. Dash once again cursed the espressos she had drank that morning. Note to self: Don't have more than one espresso over the course of an hour.
At long last, Twilight got to Dash's letter. The pegasus watched with baited breath as the envelope was opened and Twilight levitated out the letter. She began to read and Dash watched her face carefully. There was only one thing expressed there. Confusion.
After several seconds regarding the letter, Twilight's confusion turned to amusement. She shook her head, smiling, and the letter flew into the pile of read mail. Dash watched, dumbfounded.
What? Dash's brain protested, unable to process the information it was receiving. W-what!? W-why did she just throw it aside? Slowly, the gears in her mind began to churn. Was something wrong with it? Is that why she just laughed it off? Dash closed her eyes and put herself in Twilight's horseshoes.
She looked really confused when she read the letter. If I were an egghead, what would confuse me? Nothing came to her mind. Was it something I said in the letter? Dash thought back through what she had written.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
I think that you're amazing! You're cool, super smart, and a hero of Equestria. Your incredible and one of a kind. I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time, but I can never work up the nerve when I'm around you. I couldn't even put my name on this. You don't get enough credit for the pony you are, and I wanted to change that. Keep doing what you do, because it is awesome.
Anonymous
Oh, ponyfeathers! Dash facehoofed in embarrassment. It sounds like a fan letter, not a love letter! Why did I assume I knew what to put in a love letter? I've never done this before! I should've looked over what I'd written more carefully! She berated herself.
Don’t you remember? Her memory sighed. You were too busy thinking about how great it would be to get back at the others. You didn't think about what you would put in the letter, you just wrote it!
Dash groaned. Why can I never focus when I need to?
Well, you were really hungry when writing those letters, and you were too busy focusing on finding somewhere to get some pineapple instead of making the letters good. Her memory chimed in. You've been craving pineapple a lot lately. It added, making her mouth water.
Dash's stomach gurgled. You had to make me think about pineapple, didn't you? She growled at herself.
Alright, I'll just have to put in more effort and focus into the next one. She paused for a moment before adding an afterthought. And eat before I write it. She still felt unsatisfied.
It'd be nice to know what I should put in it a love letter. Dash considered, staring off into the distance for a moment. That's it! I'll do what Twilight would do and check out a book on love letters! She spread her wings and was ready to take off towards the library below her before she caught herself.
Wait... I can't use the Ponyville library. But if I go to Canterlot I'm sure I can find a book there that'll have what I need. Plus I can get some pineapple while I'm there! Seeing no problems in this plan, she once again began to celebrate.
My next letter is sure to be a success! She licked her lips. My revenge is so close I can almost taste it! She laughed as she took to the air and angled towards Canterlot. Or maybe that's just me imagining the pineapple!
Later that evening, Dash stared at the stacks of books in front of her. She gulped at the three piles, all at least ten books high. She sighed. The things I do for pranks. She groaned inside her head, having already been told to be quiet on multiple occasions. She grabbed the first book on the pile and set to work for what she knew would be a long night.
Not bad. Not bad. I'll read on.
We'll see if yours or Timaeus' story is better.
<3 DarqFox
I like it so far. Noticed a couple errors, but nothing too bad. At the end of the third paragraph, you wrote
I feel like it should say "a cloud home," instead of just "cloud home."
And the other thing is when writing her thoughts. I imagine it like writing dialogue, so you should put a comma, not a period before the attribution. For example,
Should be,
Anyway, I'm not the best person for pointing out grammar issues.
Other than that, good work so far!
Horse apples! I new I should have went straight to the bottem and comented insted of reading the chapter first if I wanted first coment.
All of a sudden I have a craving for Hawiian Pizza.
2544958 Screw that, I'm thinkin' this nice little fire-roast pizza place down the road from my place: pineapple, mushrooms and artichokes. Oh yeah. :D
oh man. you're way better that thought conveyance than I am. I need to step up my game.
Looking good so far, definitely going to keep reading.
I am entertained. Also, I will be using the term "magnum opium" from now on
"a fake dragon costume tied to a bear"
Clearly, this is the greatest prank ever pranked in the history of pranks.
i can only ask one question
why pineapples?
I concur that Rainbow Dash isn't a saint in this story, but the show has proven more often than not that she can be a jerk. And as she realized herself, she's a lot more bitter (and hurt) than she first thought. It's still a horrible prank, especially to a close friend, but that's fully in character.
I found it a little creepy that Rainbow knew Twilight's morning routine so well, but that doesn't exactly surprise me; a prankster needs to know her targets, after all.
I've enjoyed some lines more than others;
'Her eyes sagged, heavy from the late hour. Her mind protested the work, sending her thoughts off in different directions to distract her,'
'She laughed, her voice cracking slightly, dry from lack of use,'
'she cackled, slightly loopy from the late hour but happy nonetheless,'
'“I've made my Sonic Rainboom of plans!”'
'she let loose her evil laugh. She'd spent many hours perfecting it, as a good pranker must, and used it whenever she had the opportunity,'
'turning around to let the room bask in the glory that was Rainbow Dash,' which was really in character,
'Dash's brow furrowed. I guess I'm more bitter than I thought. she realized. Whatever, it's not like it'll hurt her. She won't find who sent the letters and that'll be that. She'll forget it and move on. Dashes stomach churned slightly. She attributed it to her nerves and shook it off,' which shows than in spite of her bad decisions, she does have a heart,
'put herself in Twilight's horseshoes,'
'You've been craving pineapple a lot lately. It added, making her mouth water,'
and
'My revenge is so close I can almost taste it! (...) Or maybe that's just me imagining the pineapple!'
I also enjoyed the magnus opus part and the conversation with Tank.
As mentioned by some others, you have a few issues with said tags, such as 'Maybe it's enchanted. She reasoned.' instead of 'Maybe it's enchanted, she reasoned.'
I also found a few typos;
'but it was quite often too quiet which lead (led) to Rainbow Dash talking to herself,'
'“My greatest creation," she cackled,' where there is a double space
and
'focus on her friend(')s home.'
I'm not sure the 'she asked herself' in 'Why can I never focus when I need to? She asked herself' either.
'They're just clouds. That is what Rainbow Dash counted on as...' should be in the past tense since the rest of the entire story is in that tense.
I believe that should be 'Dash's'; good story regardless.
2544958 2545077
To quote Sir Terry Pratchett: "There is no excuse for putting pineapple on pizza"
Now stop being weird and put chicken, bacon and mushroom on the pizzas.
Hmm... This was good, but in my opinion, Dash went a little too willingly to books for research. Dash might read Daring Do, but those books are 'awesome' and 'cool', whereas a book on writing love letters is not. Sure, you've got her thinking "the things I do for pranks", but I would have liked to have seen some internal conflict within Dash about the decision to resort to reading books, even if it was in order to pull off a prank.
Anyway, I still enjoyed the read, keep it up
Hmmm, just a little question. Is the thing with the pineapples a reference to a certain fic?
"Magnum opium"? Oh god, Dashie
This story sounds like it'll be interesting; I'll favorite this then read the rest at a later time. I can't wait to see how far into romance Dashie will go
GODDAM THAT COVER ART. ERRMAHGERD I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK. I have no choice but to read now...
Teehee! How very delightful! This was simply wonderful. All of RD's little quirks in this chapter were great, from "magnum opium" (oh god my sides) to her evil laugh, loopiness, pineapple obsession, Tank talk, and...well, yeah, everything. I love it! Have a fav and an eager reader!
2544958 Ewww.
i1297.photobucket.com/albums/ag40/Shanenator777/CMCnope.gif
2547393 I heartily concur.
I have a strange craving for pineapple now...
2547393 Terry Pratchet a true genius
About the pineapple: thank you for using a sweet fruit that has not been overused in fics yet.
And I'm calling it now: Twilight recognized Dash's hoof/mouth writing at once. She knows Dash is pranking her, and later she's going to be convinced Dash is crushing her for real. Then she comes onto Dash and...from there I'm lost.
Then Dash is laughing at Twilight for wearing her bathrobe outdoors: she walks around naked all the freakin' time, what is her problem?
After returning to the land of the living, Twilight would come out of her house for the the morning paper and check her mail.
That the does not need to be there
2546292 my answer is cause it works and well i guess if i was writing it i wound up choosing cantaloupe
If u dont u get it here's a joke someone made up: "why can't i stay focused " "i don't know why " "BECAUSE I CAN'T-A-LOPE "
I lol'd
Priceless!
Whenever I read this I start craving pineapple...
Pineapples…….yum….
Now I want some freaking pineapple. Luckily I too have been craving pineapple lately and have some ready at home. Harsh prank, but I am definitely curious as to how this is going to go.