"You're dismissed."

The two guards exited the room. A new person entered.

Dan recognized the voice. Unmistakably smooth and level, naturally tempered. Not the kind of voice that evoked hatred, yet Dan couldn't imagine hating anyone more at that moment. Even with the chemicals and energy seething through and around him at the time, he still recognized the voice. And then, he walked in, and Dan focused his eyes on him.

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Today, the second season finale of Star Vs. the Forces of Evil aired on Disney XD. (Yes, second season finale. There is no third season yet. Those of you who thought this was season three were wrong.)

I have a lot to say about season two. Warning: MAJOR spoilers below.

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This will be my first list
Red team
Sarge celestial
Grif applejack
Simmons rarity
Donut fluttershy
Lopez spike

Blue team
Church twilight
Tucker rainbow
Caboose pinkie
Sister apple bloom
Flowers lyra
Neutral
Doc derpy
Freelancers
Tex Trixie (subject to change)
Wash little pip
Carolina velvet remedy
York calamity
Wyoming Red eye
South pyre valor
North vanguard clash
Meta, Maine, Big Mac

Other
Felix vinyl
Locus Octavia

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Wow.

This is one hell of an intense season, and tonight's mid-season finale upped the ante.

Let's take stock of the newest developments in this wild season, shall we?

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Do you like MLP? If not, they why the hell are you here reading this?! If you do, then you'll probably like Star vs. the Forces of Evil. It's a really funny action/adventure cartoon that can be watched on Disney XD (or streamed illicitly over the internet, which is how I do it, because who actually has Disney XD?). The premise is as follows. Star Butterfly is a magical princess from another dimension. With a personality reminiscent of a sarcastic Pinkie Pie and crazy magical powers, her strict

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Well hello there. I see you chose the former option. Congratulations; you get to watch as my sanity goes through the shredder. Please remember that it is entirely your own fault and, should you reach your limit, that you may check out at any time.
Like right now.
Right now would probably be a good time.

...

Alright, now that we've guaranteed that anyone who values their time on this planet is gone, it's time for the main event.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Moses ain't got nothing.

And now:

It's time for Theresa and Steve to go back to America. Why they would want to go back is beyond me, but hey, it's their decision, not mine.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:
Recap paceR.
And now:

Theresa walks into a meeting room. Blair isn't there. TV cameras are. BAM, I just saved you a page and a half of unimportant description.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Not a lot!

And now:

Theresa and Steve are driven to the Fort Myer uniform shop. She goes for a man's service uniform, presumably the one she's featured in on the cover which, I will remind you, looks like this:

“Hon, you never looked better. It turns me on.”

Oh, Steve.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

North Korea North Korea'd. Theresa Theresa'd.

And now:

This is the big one, folks. Theresa's finally going to fix the wind thing. She's feeling very confident. So confident, in fact, that she invites her gracious hosts, the Parkers, to watch as she saves the world.

She does her thing. They watch, rapt, the television screens which display Theresa's creation in the arctic.

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Ho.

Ly.

Shit.

I am...absolutely, completely in awe.

Let's get the big stuff out of the way:

Star's wand was destroyed. Then restored. But it's incomplete. There's a piece missing. This will be important in season two.

We now know more about Toffee's plans. We don't know his endgame. He's still inscrutable. But he's shown us how truly dangerous and ruthless he is.

Star is incredibly dangerous when she's pissed.

Ludo's gone. Possibly forever.

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Star Vs. the Forces of Evil is back!

And it's even weirder and wilder than ever.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Theresa whined to Parliament for half an hour.

And now:

This chapter begins with a question: what happened to President Martin?

The answer is given in the paragraph after the paragraph after the question is asked: not a lot. He's doing okay. That's the entirety of that line of thought.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Sim Country.

And now:

We begin the nineteenth chapter with a televised announcement from Prime Minister Scherzer. It includes telling the world not to challenge Theresa's power, and that she deserves the title of Empress. He doesn't tell the world of their plan, as per said plan, but does say they came to an agreement.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:
No one did anything, but they did nothing aggressively.
And now:

We open the chapter with a short description of Boston College, which, as Theresa says, is not actually located in Boston.

BC has nine thousand undergraduates and a nationally known football team, but that’s not why I went there.  I got a full scholarship plus room and board.  It had to be the work of Father Donoughty and the Cardinal.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:
Explanations for impossible things don't work if they're impossible.
And now:

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Vehicular vengeance.

And now:

Did I know what I was doing?  Heck no!

Well, at least she admits it.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Xenon: warrior gas.

And now:

Hey.

Hey.

You know how Theresa keeps making new problems for herself with every problem she 'solves'?

Yeah, so now she's getting sued.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Airplane.

And now:

Welcome back. Did you miss me? I missed you.

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