Plan · 3:25am Mar 12th, 2021
Tirek: I tried your plan. It’s a failure.
Cozy & Chrysalis: You didn’t try anything.
Tirek: I ran it through my head. It didn’t work.
Tirek: I tried your plan. It’s a failure.
Cozy & Chrysalis: You didn’t try anything.
Tirek: I ran it through my head. It didn’t work.
Discord: I can’t believe they tried to stab me!
Starlight: Chill, your like, immortal. You’ll be fine.
Discord: I have feelings, Starlight!
Pharynx: ARE YOU-
Kevin: Fucking.
Pharynx: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
Kevin: Fucking.
Pharynx: IDIOT!
Pharynx: *clears throat*
Pharynx: Whoever decided to hurt Thorax today, please come outside so I can peacefully break your legs.
Sunset: Do not erase the memories of my friends.
Wallflower:
Wallflower: [Read 12:05]
Sunset: This is a verbal conversation-
Fluttershy: Are you okay?
Discord: Yes.
Fluttershy: Are you hurt?
Discord: No.
Fluttershy: *smacks him* Then what were you thinking?!
Cozy: ...And that’s my plan.
Tirek: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound rude.
Cozy: Go ahead, let’s hear it.
Gallus: Sorry I’m late, I spent thirty minutes in my bed starting at the wall.
Rainbow: How dare you. I am an adult. I work hard. I pay my water bills. You will not disrespect me here. I can’t believe you have the gall to call me childish, now get out of my pillow fort!
Celestia, in the dream world: Ow! Son of a b-
Luna, pulling a filly close: Celestia! Children!
Celestia: —iscuit. Son of a biscuit.
Luna: Nice save.
Rainbow: Standing next to sunflowers make me feel weak. Like, “Look at this flower. It’s taller than me! This flower is winning and I am losing.”
Twilight: Wow...you are not ready to hear about trees.
Pinkie: I’m sick of being called a “mortal.” Like, you don’t know that. I don’t know that! I haven’t died a single time in my life, stop making assumptions.
Twilight: What is one way to be nice to someone?
Rainbow: Not stabbing them.
Twilight: Setting the bar low, but I’ll allow it.
Celestia: Whoa, you're being a little-
Luna: Obstreperous? Recalcitrant? Truculent?
Celestia: I was going to say “Cray-cray.”
Everyone: *Sad*
Chrysalis: How do you rate your pain?
Starlight: 0/10
Chrysalis:...how? Your hoof is literally bent backwards.
Starlight: 0/10, would not recommend.
Trixie: Oh, so when crows remember who have wronged them it’s “intelligent” and “super cool,” but when I do it it’s “petty” and I “need to get over it.”
Rainbow: You ever think about how your skeleton is always wet?
Twilight: I wish I never had but thanks for ruining my life.
Rainbow: You’re welcome!
Applejack: Don’t worry! There will come a time when it’s not.
Twilight: Thanks! Even worse.
Counselor: So, Rainbow, what are your goals in life?
Celestia: I think I just took a five-hour nap.
Starlight: Pretty sure that’s called sleeping.
Luna: I’m also pretty sure it was fifteen hours, but whatever.
Thorax: I’m sending good vibes your way. They're coming. There is nothing you can do to stop them!
Pharynx: I think that’s the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.
Pharynx: See? This is exactly the type of social situation I’m not comfortable with!
Thorax: What kind of social situation are you comfortable with?
Sweetie Belle: Anything ending in ‘ie’ is cute! Like ‘sweetie’ and ‘cutie’ and-
Scootaloo: DIE.
Pharynx: When I die, I want Thorax to lower me into my grave so he can let me down one final time.
Twilight: Jellyfish have survived for six thousand years with no brain.
Twilight: So there is still hope for Rainbow.
Gallus: You people always talk e-boy this and e-girl that, but no one ever talks about the e-conomy.
Oclleus:...
Gallus: Capitalism is a fundamentally flawed system.
Pharynx: So I stopped a murder earlier today.
Thorax: Really? How?
Pharynx: Self-restraint.
Rainbow: I wasn’t that drunk last night.
Applejack: You were flirting with Twilight.
Rainbow: So? She’s my girlfriend.
Applejack: Yea, but you asked if she was single.
Applejack: and then cried when she said she wasn’t.
Thorax: Who think they can fight me and win?
Pharynx: Everyone.
Cheerliee: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Apple Bloom: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Sweetie: I was personally created in a lab.
Scootaloo: I was straight up spawned.
Rainbow: Do you ever type 1 +2 into your calculator just to make sure it still equals 3?
Sunset: I want to say no, but the answer is yes.
Trixie: I am a firm believer in “if you’re going to fail, fail spectacularly.”
Thorax: Question. When they shot Bambi’s mom, did you feel sad at all?
Pharynx: I’m sure her head is mounted on a nice wall somewhere.
Chrysalis: I feel like I have died and gone to heaven.
Tirek: I have the same dream, except you went the other way.
Thorax: Pharynx, how hard are bones?
Pharynx, grabbing a mace: I don’t know, let’s find out!
Chrysalis: *screaming*
Sunburst: Can you pass the salt?
Starlight: I would, but I don’t think Trixie appreciates being picked up like that.
Thorax: How did ponies know the time before clocks were invented?
Thorax: Don’t forget to get sunlight and water! You’re basically a houseplant with complicated emotions.
Twilight: You can’t bring a knife to a friendly trivia night—who does that?
Night Light:
Night Light: The prepared.
Cozy: Who wants a tarot reading?
Tirek: Those are Pokémon cards.
Cozy, pulling a card from the deck: You got Squirtle, it’s means “f**k you.”
Pharynx, drinking coffee: I love you.