I will say this outright to avoid stepping on any toes: Bronies are quite possibly the greatest and most successful fandom in the history of fans. Sure, we may not have the tenure of someone like an original Trekkie or even an old-school Whovian, but we are a fandom powerhouse!

But, there are times when bronies become complete idiots. When, you might ask? Whenever things get technical. We have built a slang base of words that are completely wrong in their usage. I have actually heard stories of people putting "plot" as the answer on an animal anatomy test.

is all I can do.

So today, I'm going to give a little lecture on the simple anatomy of Equus ferus caballus, the domestic horse. Gross anatomy, not microscopic anatomy, because I don't have all damn day. I bloody raised horses as a younger man, so I'll fill in the blanks.

As you can clearly see, the common precepts of pony anatomy that we are given in the show do not quite match up with the reality displayed by that fine gelding there. (A gelding is a male horse that has been castrated or "gelded", typically to keep him from becoming sexually aggressive around mares and make him a gentler rider. Do not expect to see many geldings, except maybe eunuchs, in Equestria.)

The first thing I would like to point out is the position of the flank. In Equestrian ponies, the flank is considered the thigh or the gluteal muscle group. In reality, the flank is the lower abdomen and the last few rib pairs in their rib cage. The position of a cutie mark is in fact not on the flank, rather it is positioned on the buttock (or hindquarters) of the horse. That is the actual name of that part of the anatomy. So in reality, all ponies (except perhaps pegasi) are blank-flanks, when it is truly their hindquarter that is adorned.

Next, I will point out the two part of a pony's mane. The main portion is the crest, the portion that runs down the pony's vertebra, along the back of the neck. It is meant for protection against biting insects, not really for styling. And the second part is the tiny little lock that occasionally comes down a pony's forehead (or poll), known as the forelock. The forelock is the equine equivalent of the bangs on a human, and serve no real purpose. Fluttershy has one hell of a forelock. Let it be noted, horse hair is not what you people describe it as. It is not "smooth, like silk", "soft as warm butter" nor does it "flow like the breeze", horse hair is very stiff and coarse. Go to a paint store, or even a Wal-Mart, and look for some of the best quality paint brushes. Professional home painters will use either a boar hair brush, or a horse hair brush, because it is stiff enough to use thousands of times.

Next, the hoof. We all know hooves as the generally undefined area below a pony's leg joints. As with the preconceived notions of the flank, the hoof is typically little understood by the common writer. The hoof is the keratinous structure that supports the weight of the horse. Big Macintosh is the only pony I have ever seen in Equestria with properly defined hooves. Funny thing, the hoof is actually two fused toes. Equines come from a cat or rat-like ancestor, and they did have four toes plus a dewclaw (a dewclaw is a vestigial thumb, many ungulates and other mammal families have them. In fact, some horses have them). The other two toes have receded over the years as natural selection has taken its course. Horseshoes are not something that a pony slips on, they are nailed onto the hoof. Once on, the only way a horseshoe comes off is with a prybar.(Okay, I lied, sometimes a horse will toss a shoe when they run at a full gait for long times.) Hooves are made of keratin, meaning that they are completely water repellent. That scene where Rarity lifts her hoof out of the spa to see it all floppy and wrinkled would only be possible if she boiled it for nearly a day (which was actually how they made gelatin originally, from boiled horse hooves). It was a gag, and not to be taken literally.

Now, with ponies it is important to know the differences between speed and what it is called. Too many times I have run into stories where some young author says that it was a nice relaxing day at the park, with the protagonist taking a relaxing gallop through the park. It is important to note that a gallop is roughly equal to a sprint in humans.
"Walk" is obviously walking.
"Trot" is akin to a light jog.
"Canter" is like a heavy jog or a light run.
"Gallop" is fully running.
"Foxtrot" is a smooth trot, bred for use in the "hunting breeds" of horses. (I raised Missouri Foxtrotters, good horses, very well behaved. Completely cool with gunfire too.) Rarity does a lot of fox trotting.
So when you have your pony moving from one place to another, make sure you know how quickly they move there.

Now, it is important to note that the dental anatomy of a horse is far different than that of a human (obviously). Horses, and most ungulates in general, lack the canine teeth (the pointy ones just past your incisors) of most other mammals. All of their teeth are broad and flat, made for repetitious grinding of plant material. If Colgate were to give a lecture on how to brush your teeth, she would mention brushing both your front set of teeth, and the back set. What's the difference? The front set consists of the incisors, followed by a 3-4 inch space filled only by gums, and then the premolars and the molars come along. That empty space is what allows for a horse to be bridled, and lets them bite down on a bit without damaging their teeth. (If you ever see a horse in the movies working his jaw around like he wants to spit something out, he probably shifted his bit onto his incisors, or he managed to slip his tongue over it. [Secondary note: Horses cannot spit, although they are known to use water as a "mouthwash".]) The emblem of the Shadowbolts is actually somewhat correct in its display of pony teeth.

*pulls out a pen and pad and begins scribbling notes*

Are you insinuating that My Little Pony anatomy does not correspond to that of real-life horses?

763904 I know, I'm literally comparing a cartoon to real life.

....I really need to get out more.

The real question here is where all this incorrect slang terminology came from in the first place.

763919 Memes, 4chan boards, shitty places like that.

Aside from the canonized 'flank,' the one I always get wrong is using 'foreleg' instead of 'forearm,' but it's a conscious choice, to differentiate from writing about a character who is morphologically like us. That's partly a nod to the fact that a lot of people would assume it's an error on my part, and partly because I like how it emphasizes the difference.

Question: Is the 'stifle' the front of the haunch, or where the haunch overlaps the flank?

Thanks for the lecture. While most readers probably don't care, I think it is a writer's duty to do research on what he is writing about in order to not piss off people whose knowledge of the subject matter exceeds the overall population's.

Relevant youtube:

What an informative lecture.

I thought you were going to teach me how to draw. I want my money back.

764240 The stifle is the knee joint.

This should help.

Well, would the ponies in MLP actually be of the same species as a common horse?
Probably not.

Also, it's a cartoon, bro.

I have actually heard stories of people putting "plot" as the answer on an animal anatomy test.

Surely, you must be joking. No one's that dumb... right?
Right?

...Also, probably relevant.

Well thank you kindly for clearing up one of my longstanding pet peeves... I have asked literally everyone I know what a Fetlock was, and not one of them knew... Anyway, I would've looked online.. but I don't usually trust the internet's judgement either... Bar a select few cases...

Let it be noted, horse hair is not what you people describe it as. It is not "smooth, like silk", "soft as warm butter" nor does it "flow like the breeze", horse hair is very stiff and coarse.

I completely understand the physical qualities of a pony's mane; but can't you at least be abstract about it and go over the realism? If you were to try and expose the sheer beauty of something, such as a pony, you would want to make that pony seem like it's the most gorgeous pony in all of Equestria. You have gone in depth in describing just how vibrant her fur color is, how bright her eyes shine as the light reflects off of them, and how thoroughly toned her body looks. Yet when you add realism to her mane, it kinda kills the immersion.

I hardly pretend to be an expert on the subject- or any subject, really- but I feel that using this too much might not be a good thing. While it's fairly helpful, and an author should always be knowledgeable about their topic, the author also has to consider his audience. Sadly, many readers won't know most of this and won't be willing to look the terms up.

I'm probably completely missing the point of this lecture, but when using resources like this one, make sure that you don't focus too much on using the correct terms. Too much talk about gaskins, ergots, and coronets will run the risk of confusing your reader. Confused readers tend to flee, in my experience. Plus, I feel like talking about how Twilight's mane is 'coarse and strong' might kill the mood of your shipfic.
TL;DR: Use sparingly, maybe?

1336945 Actually, it can be used as a minor narrative point. It could be that most ponies have a naturally coarse, rough mane, yet many ponies pride themselves on being able to style their hair and treat it into a soft and luxurious mane. It could be used as a contrast, say Rarity is thinking to herself about how proud she is about her curled and styled mane being so smooth and soft as compared to Applejack, who seems like she would keep her mane in its most natural coarseness.

A lot of these minor anatomical details can be used as narrative points. Somepony could say that Rainbow Dash has runner's knees, or that Big Mac has unusually long-feathered pasterns/fetlocks, which could be something like a hairy chest on a man.

TL;DR, I was mildly drunk when I wrote this lecture, and now I'm desperately trying to cover my idiocy.

Thanks for the write-up - it's pretty darn helpful! Now, I do know thew difference between walk and gallop, but I did not really know that other 'speed terms' were available for use. :)

Also, looking at what a fetlock really is, I can't figure out if nearly everyone has gotten it wrong or not. For some reason, my mind automatically equated that to either an elbow, or an area like the back of your knee.

/eh, maybe I'm crazy

Thanks! Loved the lecture