EMaud Slam

• MLP: FiM
• Drama
• Slice of Life

Maud Pie enters a poetry slam competition, but her confidence in her writing is shaken by the arrival of an old acquaintance.

• Trixie
• OC
• Maud Pie
• Starlight Glimmer

Jarvy Jared · 8.2k words  ·  49  2 · 783 views

Maud Slam

by Jarvy Jared

Summary

Invited to a special six-performer poetry slam competition, Maud Pie hopes that she'll be able to share her writing with an excited and accepting audience, and possibly even win. But when an old acquaintance, whose talent is specifically tailored for the creation of poetry, throws her confidence into disarray, doubts begin to settle in Maud's heart.

Will Maud be able to overcome her fears and perform? Or will she choke before the first line is uttered?

Initial Thoughts

A lot of things intrigued me about the story’s description and tags. Maud is a great character, and I’ve thankfully never seen a story use her poorly. Plus, getting to see her, Starlight, and Trixie hangout is always guaranteed funtimes. But, mostly, I was impressed with the concept of a poetry slam competition inside of a fanfic. Stacking mediums and story-types is tricky to do well, as the skills necessarily for prose and poetry don’t always coexist in the same writer. I’m excited to see Jarvy prove me wrong, though!

My General Reaction

Full disclosure: This story was apparently written for a contest to create a story that mimicked the pacing of an episode of My Little Pony. Contests always screw up how I judge stories, since they all come with their own constraints and rules and requirements that change how a story is read. So, bear this in mind as I continue.

Well, the story didn’t hinge on putting poems inside the text, so on one hand I’m disappointed. But, since the one time a poem appears in this story it’s the most important one to be in the story, I’ll forgive the author.

Besides, the story itself has a wonderful lyrical quality to it regardless of actual lines of poetry. I genuinely feel that the narration for Maud Slam is its strongest element. Reading Maud’s thoughts and casual observances through the lens of a close 3^rd-person narration allows the author to add in all sorts of references and stylistic descriptions that feel so Maud that the genuineness of the piece outweighs any flaw or detriment that one might find.

Sure, there are a few mistakes here and there, an awkward phrase or dropped comma once in a while, but the story itself manages to enthrall you regardless. The characters are, as I said, quite genuine, and I adore how Jarvy has managed to capture Maud’s solemnity as well as her emotional vulnerability in this piece, especially since most writers only pick up on her stoic nature. Each of the other characters are well-represented as well, but the “villain” in this story is the only one that competes with Maud for completeness and realization of character.

Seriously, Elegy is absolutely hateable. So hateable, you’d think she was ripped from the show itself. So, in that regards, I hope Jarvy placed well in the contest this story was entered in.

It even ends on a solid moral lesson about trusting in yourself. Indeed, I feel like this story touched on some very real emotional vibes all authors, writers, and creatives deal with at times; the anxiety that comes with sharing your work with an audience, and wanting it to succeed, even when you know, intellectually, that self-satisfaction with the work should come first.

Grammar and Word Things

There are a few errors and odd turns of phrase I’d have liked addressed, but overall, the story isn’t made difficult to read or parse. Consider this category free points, though I’ll still list one or two mistakes I noticed.

In the hush of purple bubble lights several minotaurs and hippogryphs sat, for the most part quiet.

“I’m not worried,” Maud said. Still, she could not help but look, out of the corner of her eye, to where Elegy now sat.

First sentence, a comma separating ‘lights’ and ‘several’ would be welcome, and I would advise sending ‘quiet’ to either before ‘for the most part’, or after ‘sat’ and changed to ‘quietly’. The second sentence has the opposite issue, and might read more smoothly with less commas.

and reclaimed her smile. . “But anyway!

Extra periods and spaces.

Again, these issues are far and few in between.

Story/Plot/Pacing

I think Jarvy did an outstanding job mimicking the style and pacing of a show-episode. The chapter – or, cleverly, Stanza – breaks even line up thematically with commercial breaks. However, I feel like this actually hurts the story, paradoxically. And by that, I mean that the story told here feels both rushed and dragged out in a way that feels odd to read, even if it would feel natural to watch. I feel like Jarvy is capable of writing a much stronger story with this premise still.

Characters

Jarvy has somehow managed to depict both Maud’s hilarious stoicism, as well as her deep emotional vulnerability, which puts him ahead of just about every other writer who’s done a Maud story (that I’ve read). That alone is praiseworthy, but he’s also managed to create a villainous character so vile, so despicably hateable, that I think I started to go cross-eyed a bit there. Awesome work with her!

Final Word and Rating

Maud Slam is a wonderfully enjoyable read for anyone who likes Maud Pie, or for anyone who has ever created anything ever. I think Jarvy has truly captured the writers’ struggle with this piece, and that makes it even better, in my book, for how relatable it is. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who’s ever dealt with writer’s anxiety.

I don’t know if I can add anything for the author, in the way of advice. This story is excellent, and well-deserving of the praise it might receive (I deliberately avoided reading comments, so I don’t know), and the only reason I might remove points at all would be for the one or two minor grammatical blips here and there.

Feel free to comment below.

<For Archive Purposes: 9/10>

7369584
Lovely stuff to wake up to, ninja.

I agree with the sense that the story feels both rushed and dragged out. While it may make me seem a bit of a curmudgeon, I blame that largely on the mechanical constraints of the contest. 8500 words as a limit may give you a lot of room, but having certain breaks at certain word counts within no doubt messes with the flow.

Thank you for the wonderful review!