TI Ain't Your Sacrifice

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Horror
• Tragedy

Despite the prospect of imminent death looming all around him, the black-and-red Alicorn Crystal pony faces his challenges head on.

• OC

Bad Dragon · 4k words  ·  145  45 · 3.6k views

I Ain't Your Sacrifice is a Dark, Horror, Tragedy story about a young, black and red alicorn crystal pony OC in the middle of tumultuous time in the Crystal Empire. King Sombra is dead, and the followers remaining are trying to bring him back. They have a small collection of foals and an execution chamber. Our protagonist is among the little ones in the cell and he doesn't afraid of anything... or does he?

Joking aside, I was somewhat surprised by this fic. I expected a dark story. I expected the OC to be edgy and highly mature for a young colt. I expected said OC to have a ridiculously long name that's nothing but edgy terms, and laugh in the face of danger. What I didn't expect was a deconstruction, and a very well done one at that.

The story is presented in a relatively typical fashion. The protagonist "Ravenblood" is a captive among nine other scared children. There used to be ten, but the fate of one of them is immediately apparent right at the beginning of the story. Assessing the situation, Ravenblood notes on how he could survive, and the events leading up to his sudden capture, only to decide to be the protagonist he was always meant to be. With a brave face, he concocts a plan to thwart the ne'er-do-wells and save his fellow captives. And, perhaps...

... That's what would have happened, if he wasn't still just a small kid. Overtly confident he may be and perhaps strikingly mature and calm considering the circumstances, but was doomed to fail despite being the hope of those around him. Too much was stacked against him, and the worsening situation wasn't going to stop. Not even being liked by everyone around him (including his captors) was going to help. This is a tragedy, after all.

The story structure and atmosphere is actually well done, but I'm a bit hard pressed to call it a horror story. Perhaps it skirts by with the ending and the building tension, but I believe it would have been more accurate if the author would have dropped the horror tag and just left it as a Dark Tragedy. Never the less, descriptions were great, and characters were actually DESCIRBED in this one shot (hallelujah!), and scenery was properly set. It carried the POV of Ravenblood, and remained consistent and somewhat ironically introspective in the wake of "chosen one Black'n'red OCs that doesn't afraid of anything" stories. Yes, again, he's a tad edgy, overconfident, and is able to be loved by all of the characters, but it all serves the purpose of contrasting in the fact that he knows certain limitations, he knows it's better to keep the others calm and try to give some hope to their bleak situation, and that he's just as scared as the others despite his outward demeanor.

Grammar and spelling is fairly well done, but there were an outlier that stuck out like a sore thumb. Superior being spelt as "supperiorir". Otherwise, everything else seemed to be in excellent, flowing order. Formatting was also very well done too.

All in all, I thought this was a pretty good story that played as a deconstruction of a very long, very overplayed trope about special chosen ones... despite the fact that Ravenblood REALLY needed to be an actual chosen one in this story, considering how objectively evil his captors were.

9/10. It's a solid, well flowing read with a great idea. Though it may not be horror material (or, it is, if barely), it's worth a read-through at the very least. Just, don't expect a happy ending.

7902686 Thank you for this encompassing review.

I'm delighted that you recognized what this story aimed to achieve.

There was, however, a hidden meaning that you might have missed. A secret ending if you will. His plan was to save the foals. The reason why they were in danger was because Sombra was dead. But you see, Ravenblood Flame Blaze Shadow Fire Heart Nightshade saved them. He saved them all! It's inferred that he failed, but did he really? Or perhaps he proved himself even greater than you gave him credit for.

Thank you for pointing out the mistake. Not sure how that one snuck in. It's fixed now.

7902758
I mean, are they really saved when they're under the rule of CLEARLY evil individuals? Went from a bad situation to an equally as bad situation, but now they get to live... for now. That's how I saw it.

7902797 You have a point.

Though, this story takes place right after the Crystal Kingdom appeared after 1000 years.

Our empire is about to be invaded. Celestia of Equestria has sent her goons to gain control of our capital.

In canon, the resurrected King Sombra gets defeated.

The ponies who survive may live under the rule of Cadence.

7902813
I figured this was some alternate timeline with how some of them were talking about the events.

Never the less, the ending of the story was open ended enough that one can have their own hypothesis on "wha' happun next?".

7902832 I didn't intend for it to be AU, but perhaps that opens up even more interpretations. So yeah, you can make your own ending and worldbuilding from the presented hints.

7902846
Indeed.

Anyway, glad you liked my review. Maybe I'll get a chance to read another of your stories for review. It'd certainly help me with my own brain-storming for my works, now that "Elements Change the Dark Hearts" is finished, and the anthology, spin-offs, and upcoming sequel is what I have to play with.

7902859 To writing victories for both of us!

7902975
To the trials and tribulations, as well. Cheers, my man.