ETwilight Sparkle Marries a Book (Seriously, Twilight?!)

• MLP: FiM
• Comedy
• Random
• Slice of Life

Twilight Sparkle pops the question. Discord can't believe WHAT she popped the question to.

• Twilight
• Discord
• Main 6
• Starlight Glimmer

ThePinkedWonder · 2.5k words  ·  123  9 · 2.8k views

Summary:

How to write this without spoiling anything? Well, the story takes place after the orange incident with Discord where Twilight stayed in her Castle to sort her bookshelf. He is at her place now for tea and witness how Twilight proposed to a book. He questions his mind as well as hers, since this is to ridiculous, even for him.

Well, the story is tagged random and comedy, and that is how it starts. With Twilights proposal to a book, which she claims said yes, and Discord, the lord of chaos himself sitting there and questioning this action of her. It surely hooks in some readers, and the story got featured for the crazy tittle too I guess. Though, after reading the whole thing, I must say it is not that entertaining sadly. There are some good ideas, like a self aware narrator, some well written Discord actions and also some of the main six show up to support Twilight's decision, but in the end, it is not enough to really make me laugh.

Why is that? Well, on the one claw, the main idea for the story is only average. It is not bad, but it needs a lot more entertaining side stuff and good jokes to work. On the other claw, the dialogs does not really fit for some of the characters, exspecial Discord. His actions are quite good, but his dialogs needs some more fine tuning. That along with some good attempts dropped, like the narrator thing, it drags the entertainment level down a bit. 

If we see this as a just random story, it is to serious, too close to have a storyline, but for a comedy story, it is not funny enough either. I hope it is not to harsh to say we have a strange not so well working mix here witch got featured for its very interesting and lurking title along with some popular characters.

But that does not mean there is nothing funny in this story at all, the ending gag for example is quite good, so is the dialog between Starlight and Twilight as well the reason for Starlight to show up at all. Furthermore, there are a few good show references, watched at from a fanservice point of view.
*

Rating:

Idea: 4.5/10
Entertainment/comedy : 3.5/10
+1 point for the ending gag
Total:
5/10

I see. Thanks a lot for the review, and I'll keep what you in mind to help improve.

7165839

I know it's been a week, and I think I got what you mean with at least some of Discord's lines not fitting. But you said the dialog didn't fit with some of the other characters too? Which ones, and which lines were off?

7174929
Why can't you just ask that right after I read the story Well let me quick look if I spot quickly.

7174929
OKay after a quick look again, it is stuff like Rarity starts her sentence with an 'yeah' while she normally goes more with, well yes, or something like Oh Darling... she is not the slang speaker at all. Furthermore, Twilight and Starlights speaking is a bit adjusted to the joke you want to pull, but thats understandable. It's about the small things in that matter by a quick overlook again. Also Reinbow Dash is a bit besides her line of thinking in her wording, but thats also just a minor thing. Applejack and Pinky are fine.

7174936

Thanks, and sorry about waiting until now to ask that question. I was writing some mane 6 dialogue in a different story and was thinking about what you said in the review, but it was only at that point that what exactly I did wrong in this story with their dialogue wasn't said, or who I got right.

I have tripped myself up in the past by trying to follow advice that didn't really tell me what to do or made things clear, and made more errors as a result before I later figured it out, so I didn't want to do that again

7174941
Well, thats reasonable.