So, this story is probably pretty ripe for philosophical debate and such, could certainly serve as the foundation for a lengthy discussion on morality. In any case, it is a story about dating, then it is a story about cloning, then it is a story about rebellion. In all cases, the protagonist is a human OC called Marc, and the rest of the characters are also humans. Based in Pennsylvania.

An easier to understand summary is this: It is Science Fiction, with a little with romance, tragedy, and some elements that translate as horror. Marc is an Indie Rock lover and blogger who has gone on to flirt with every chick in Pennsylvania (man, that’s a lot), until Sunset Shimmer finds he is a perfect match for Twilight Sparkle via a dating app.

It’s just too bad the whole thing is manipulation. Too bad for Marc, at any rate.

Character morality seems to be at an all-time low in this story, as other than Marc (and that’s pretty thin too) none of them show much contrition, or none at all, in what they do or what they are involved in.

But the concept itself is solid, it just needs a better execution than this. Otherwise, I found the story quite easy to read. It was compelling, I did want to find out more, the reveals were well enough timed for that at least. The pacing was, at times, breakneck. It was startling to find that some transitions simply didn’t exist, that a span of months might pass in the space between two paragraphs with little more than italicized text explaining that to the reader.

It’s these elements that make a story difficult for me to read, as it becomes confusing when things just suddenly change seemingly out of nowhere. That being said, I was able to follow it just the same as the points at which these startlingly rapid transitions ended up were themselves rather brief and so little thought was needed to process.

Still, it’s decently entertainment, contained a few laughs for me, and it isn’t a bad story. I do recommend reading it, but please don’t let it deter you from reading the author’s other works.

Marc {OC}

- OC’s are generally the domain of their creators, and Marc has several versions to choose from. As a protagonist, the author does manage to make him sympathetic, but that might be because no other character in the entire story even comes close to it. Still, he is well defined character, indeed so are his 4 prior versions and would-be successor.

Bon-Bon

She comes across as an amoral cretin, incapable of empathy at any level or at any point during the story. So strictly “professional” that she tosses morality aside to earn money.

Sunset Shimmer

- In general, she doesn’t feel like the real Sunset and nothing really justifies her deviation from that. Overall, the character was consistent in dialogue and turn of phrase, but later reveals make her much less appealing.

Twilight Sparkle

- You would expect Sci-Twi to be so tethered to scientific principal as to forget that feelings matter. She generally comes across as selfish, and is written in such a way as to make me want her to lose in the end. That’s actually pretty good writing, making a Twilight that I end up hating. I don’t know that this is what the author intended though, and I can honestly say that the character was still adorable in some ways and, excluding her decision about her love life, is fairly endearing if a little disconnected from socializing. Again, though, that’s typical.

Doctor “Time Turner” Whooves

- A well placed and made villain with a backstory I struggle with. It doesn’t really justify what he began, what he’s doing now, and how he acts. Hurt can go deep, but driving someone to this? It’s quite exceptional. That said, as far as villains go? Well written, divisive, very easy to cheer against.

And here is where the author shines. Marc grows throughout this story in many ways, including partially overcoming his “programming” to overcome a terrible operation. In the end, he might still even hook up with Twilight, although I’m not sure she deserves that. It’s not clear what becomes of Sunset, and Bon-Bon is shown to have experienced no growth at all, simply worrying about where the next bit will come from. Doctor Whooves’ revelation about his motivation for what he’s done here is lackluster, though it does paint ever the more villainous tone to him and keeps him in the category of antagonist pretty well.

It’s the fact that Marc is actually 5 individual entities, clones, that makes this even better. The author had to create individual personalities that went with each Marc, and left the 5th version rather special by being intelligent, rebellious, and an effective leader all.

So Marc goes from something of a loser, to mad scientist’s plaything, to potentially getting the girl. It’s the one part of his programming not overcome.

Dating woes, scientific solutions to loneliness, and dark comedy create this story about a loner who just wants to find somepony. It’s done in the style which allows for twists to come at you swiftly and knock you off your feet. Start off thinking it’s a simple romance fic, end up reading a fast-paced action-packed comedy thriller with a villain and romance thrown in.

Overall, it lacked logic in many ways. From not being able to justify the actions of certain characters, to outright going against type and failing even to establish a reason for that in other characters. The company forged in the wake of a heartbreaking death is slightly cliche, but the way in which this story progresses makes it feel downright contrived. It’s a good concept, but I would seriously consider re-writing this, creating more depth in the other characters. But more importantly, at least for this section, is developing more believable reasons, creating ideas and thoughts that make the reader understand why each character is the way that they are.

Story Idea: 8. (Great concept, reminds me of The Truman Show, sort of. It’s still pretty original, and dark, but it has such potential to go further and be better than it is right now.)

Writing Style: 5. (Breakneck pacing, sharp turns, startling sudden and subtle transitions, descriptions that aren’t carefully crafted (Marc is left sitting across a face in a brightly lit room at one point), agonizing tense switches, and an overall rushed feeling left this story struggling to captivate properly. All in all, a little love and attention and this story could be amazing.

Entertainment Factor: 7. (A good concept, a lackluster execution. It’s a good story, a good read, really. It could be horror just as much as comedy, and it goes in enough directions to qualify as either or both. It is an entertaining story, but it could still be improved upon.

Inner Logic: 5. (I struggled to understand certain characters, and others weren’t explained at all. In terms of logic, there was something left to be desired once I finished reading the story, and for that I have to score low here. But that being said, it’s still a fun read.)

Final: 6.25

I really wish I could give this a better review, and a better score. Because I genuinely liked reading it, even if I kept stopping to note errors along the way, until I finally gave up on doing that because it would so much longer to read and properly review the story otherwise. I can definitely recommend this read, but I can also say to the author that this felt rushed, that that feeling meant the quality of this writing suffered. Take a breath, take your time, and consider reviewing this for yourself, and re-working it.