TWalking (or trotting) on Sunshine

• MLP: FiM

Like Katrina and the Waves...

• Sex
• Human
• Moonlight Raven
• Sunshine Smiles

JimmyHook19 · 1.3k words  ·  19  23 · 1.1k views

Summary: You may remember Moonlight from last time, but now it is time for another to show up...
Overall thoughts: What did I just read? I am just confused. Perhaps I am missing something if this is supposed to be a series of small stories, but as it is, I'm not understanding the point of this piece, and none of it really makes sense. 2.5/10
Creativity: Well, I've never really seen much written about Sunshine Smiles, probably due to being a background pony for one espiode, but I still don't know more about her then I did. I feel if you are going to use her, go into her character more! Tell us why we should care for this character. 4/10
Concept: I don't even know this is supposed to work, if it's supposed to be a comedy, it falls short in execution. If it's supposed to be slice of life, I just don't see the point to this. Feels very weak. 2/10
Grammar: The grammar is not awful, but not great either. I feel some description, or just longer sentences could have fixed this easily. 5/10.
Additional thoughts: What is the purpose of this story? What is it trying to get across? Because from what you've given us, I don't see the point. Unless the series helps clarify this better, but however I have to judge what's here, so with that said....
Overall Score: 4/10.
To the author: Keep on writing, not all stories are successes, but often we can learn a lot through our failures and trials, and you can only get better from here! Keep being awesome~

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What is the purpose of this story? What is it trying to get across? Because from what you've given us, I don't see the point. Unless the series helps clarify this better, but however I have to judge what's here, so with that said....

It's a transformation story, Sherlock.

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I like using that famed detective's name though =3

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Then who in this conversation is Watson?