I think we all know how these things work. And seeing how these are a classic, I figured I'd toss one out! Have fun!

January - You and X star in a Broadway production of the musical Chicago.
February - You and X steal the TARDIS.
March - You take X on a romantic date in Paris.
April - Somehow, you and X end up in jail for a crime neither of you committed.
May - X randomly shows up on your doorstep with a foal and says the kid is yours.
June - X drags you on an adventure in search of the Holy Grail.
July - X makes the both of you audition for The X Factor (the show).
August - You and X get completely wasted and somehow end up getting married in Vegas by Elvis.
September - X hires you as their personal bodyguard.
October - You and X end up stuck in the film Teen Beach Movie.
November - You help X remodel their house.
December - You get kissed by X at the stroke of midnight on the New Year.

1 - Twilight Sparkle
2 - Rainbow Dash
3 - Pinkie Pie
4 - Applejack
5 - Fluttershy
6 - Rarity
7 - Princess Celestia
8 - Spike
9 - Sweetie Belle
10 - Apple Bloom
11 - Scootaloo
12 - Vinyl Scratch
13 - Octavia
14 - Discord
15 - Queen Chrysalis
16 - Photo Finish
17 - Lyra Heartstrings
18 - Princess Luna
19 - Shining Armor
20 - Big Macintosh
21 - Spitfire
22 - Mrs. Cake
23 - Hoity Toity
24 - Flim & Flam
25 - Granny Smith
26 - Derpy Hooves
27 - Gilda
28 - Princess Cadence
29 - Bonbon
30 - Button's Mom
31 - Nightmare Moon

Apparently, Cadence and I steal the TARDIS. All in all, not a bad birthday!

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How the hell does Spike manage to drag me anywhere, let alone on a quest for the Holy Grail?

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Twilight shows up and says a foal is mine.

WHAT?

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Me and AppleBloom steal the Tardis!

"P-p-please let me go..."

Octavia makes me audition for The Octavia Factor.

Cool. I love singing.

2518314 ...me and Rarity are stuck in Teen Beach Movie... this could be fun!

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Greedy Spike of course, why do you think he wants it in the first place?

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You just made that epic. Thank you, good samaritan.

I get wasted, and end up being married to Derpy by Elvis... Well this should be interesting.

What does Spike need me as a bodyguard for?

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I get kissed by Button's Mom at the stroke of the New Year.

Awesome!

Gonna be a little awkward later when I only have "Button's Mom" to moan out in passion when we're in bed together, though.