Nothing in my life goes right. Can't leave my crappy job (I apply for jobs, interview for them, make myself as presentable as possible, still don't get them), can't get a single date with any woman, can't make friends, can't be successful as a writer, I can't even move out of my mom's house at the age of 28. I don't even have the excuse of some debilitating illness that forced me to not progress as well as everybody else. I only have myself to blame for my own failures. Maybe I committed some horrible crime in a past life and this is my punishment, or I'm just a lazy failure.

7863978 You're still doing better than any other species on Earth. Other animals don't know if they'll go hungry tomorrow or not. You, on the other hoof, are taken care of. You have your basic needs met. You know you'll survive.

You're doing well. Keep at it.

7863978

What do you mean, failure as a writer? Your stories have decent numbers of likes and negligible dislikes.

As for looking for a new job, there are plenty of opportunities. Don't see yourself as a failure, see yourself as a late bloomer.

These are all things you can work on. You're not a failure, as long as you can move forward. There may be something you don't know about holding you back, but there's value in the struggle to improve. As you work more and more to improve you'll find it coming easier and easier. Now some things may never improve, finding a partner is a difficult thing, and that's not a failure. It's just something that happens. As for friends, that's also hard. Maybe find hobby shops, or game stores that let you hang out and talk to people. Yeah, you may not get any close friends, at least to start, but you'll probably find some interesting people.
I'm not religious, but I'm often reminded of this simple prayer (or maybe it's not a prayer, but I've always heard it as one.)
Give me the strength to change what I can, and the temperance to accept what I cannot.
We live in a difficult world, and it's not getting easier for anyone.

I can't even move out of my mom's house at the age of 28.

I had to move back in with my family I crashed so hard. And then my sister who seemed so well off had to come back too. And both of us are nearly 40. Living on your own, or even away from family is a pipe dream anymore. The world is different from even the last generation.
The job market is a tricky one, for one there's a lot of places hiring, but they want more for less, and there's so many people applying that it's hard to stand out. And getting a job now is nothing like when I was your age. I honestly have no idea on how to help with that one.
I don't think it's all your fault: Have you made mistakes? I'm comfortable saying that everyone has. That by no means makes it all your fault. If you find yourself to be lazy, you can work to overcome that, or lean into it and search for the most efficient and effective solution to your problems.
And to end where you started:

Beginning to think I don't deserve happiness

You do.
The biggest problem is that happy is work. It's an ongoing struggle to find those little bits of happiness where they crop up and remembering to savor them while they're there. Look back at the little joys, those brief little light sparks, and seek out more.
It's hard, I know. And we were sold these expectations that may never come true to any degree, but we all deserve a happiness we can make for ourselves.

7864019

What do you mean, failure as a writer? Your stories have decent numbers of likes and negligible dislikes.

I wonder how much trouble Boltstrike has saying nice things about themself at job interviews.

"I only got hundreds of units of praise from my boss, more than most people, which proves I am nothing."

7864042

I wonder how much trouble Boltstrike has saying nice things about themself at job interviews.

"I only got hundreds of units of praise from my boss, more than most people, which proves I am nothing."

As funny as that may seem, suffering from low-self esteem is no laughing matter. Imagine that objectively - and in the eyes of others - you're A-OK, but since you're not meeting the standards you set for yourself, you feel like crap all the time. It's like someone suffering from the early stages of anorexia - everybody tells you you look thin, but your brain convinces you otherwise... sometimes to the point where you starve yourself to death.

No mental illness is fun when it happens to someone you know.

7864042

7864057

I think it's a matter of perspective. The op sees himself as a failure when others might see see some measure of success. Sometimes we're our own worst critics.

7864112

The op sees himself as a failure when others might see see some measure of success. Sometimes we're our own worst critics.

That's a good way of putting it.