I'm sick of trying, only to fail at everything. I'm sick of nobody caring whether I live or die. I've tried everything to feel better. I've tried medication, therapy, treatments. Nothing helps. I wish I could kill myself, but I'm too scared of what comes after. I know I'll never do it.

7808509

Might be an indicator to rest; if you're this upset and you're going through this struggle, might be a good idea to take a break (not a permanent one, just long enough to fortify again).

7808509 The aim isn't to win; the goal in life is to fail gloriously, and you do that by trying hard.

Alas, trying hard is a bit risky as well because you'll get to win here and there, but you have to keep at it and suffer through your victories.

7808509
I've always been of the opinion that there is no such thing as failing. There is only learning, and failing is the way of learning "not this way," and so on. Some people—way more than we think—begin to have the need to learn less or learn in other ways much later in life; I'm one of them. Trust me, the utter "fails" that I've done since I was born and all through my twenties are nothing to sneer at. But enough distance taken, and they become what you learned from and shaped you.

We are our scars, and so on.

As far as medication, therapy, and the rest, I understand that it is not really a matter of trying them. It's a matter of finding the right ones for you. It's a matter of figuring out what you want from your life (in sensible manners, I would also be super happy if I had a harem of blondes tending to my every whim, but realistically this isn't gonna happen and I'm not setting my bar on that [though I hope]) and what happiness is—happiness is not that big on even the "happiest" of people. Content is really the name of the game, with making sure the small moments of happiness get spread throughout.

But you might want to consider if you might be focusing too much on what hasn't worked, and don't see strides or feats that you might have accomplished along the way. I've said this before, but I'm often very impressed and in awe of people like you—who "play" life in the Dark Souls difficulty, and keep going. It's really unfair to think of one's self as "failing" then. In my eyes, at least, you only "git gud," and it is amazing. Sure, you might have trouble killing certain bosses, but other people are out there playing Barbie's Horse Adventures, so their 'feat' of finishing their game while you are still learning how to dodge-roll all of Gwyn's attack. Like, one of them is the impressive one, you know?

Chin up, and know that you're doing the real work where others would have quit in your place like the pansies they are. If that kind of persistence and willpower is "only fail at everything," I'd like a side of that as well, please.

7808509

Hmm, 'I fail at everything' is a rather bold statement that doesn't apply to most people 99.9% of the time... Instead, it usually comes down to failing at one or two specific things that are important to us. Failing at that can make us feel completely worthless even though there are other things we're good at.

So... out of everything you mentioned, what is really bugging you ? I'm asking because maybe you got so fixated on some one thing that an objective outside perspective could help clear things up. If not... at the very least, talking about it should help you vent some of the pressure and anger, if only for a while (speaking from experience ).

Instead, it usually comes down to failing at one or two specific things that are important to us.

I wish it was just one or two things. Honestly, take your pick. My failed career ambitions, leaving me stuck in a dead end job I hate ( and before someone asks, no, going back to school isn't a viable option), my nonexistent social life, my nonexistent love life, my writing. I'm not successful anywhere.

7809332 The problem you have is that you're comparing yourself to better people. There are 8 billion people on this planet, what are the chances of you beating them all at something?

Instead, compare yourself to a dog.

Obviously, dogs aren't suicidal, but let's look at their success rate. Is a dog better at school then you are? Did it come further in its career? Is it high-performing in its job? Does a dog organize better parties? Is a dog a better writer than you are?

Here's the bottom line: yes, you could kill yourself as you say, but you have to let all the dogs in the world kill themselves before you. Oh, and cats too. And when all the dogs and cats of this world commit suicide, then, and only then may you start thinking of doing the same.

7809332

Let's try to tackle writing specifically because we have data on that...

You wrote 40 stories, out of which 18, I believe, were featured. Objectively, that makes you a much more successful writer than most people on this site, whose stories have yet to come close to the feature box.

So, given the above, why do you judge your writing as a failure? A failure compare to what? Definitely not to an average FimFiction writer; not according to the data... so to what? If you compare your writing to J.K. Rowling's or Stephen King's, then yeah, it will probably suck, but that is true for pretty much everyone on this site...

So again, how do you judge your writing as a failure? Are you comparing yourself to others or to your past self?

As for the rest... I know it's cliche, but realistically you have two options:

• keep on trying different stuff until the situation improves
• accept things as they are and stop worrying about it

Judging by your post, you should probably aim for the former, try to change, and dig yourself out. And I'm not trying to patronize here. I fu*cking HATE change - especially when it is being forced by circumstances (or activists... but you can at least shoot these bastards ).

Unfortunately, things rarely improve on their own. So, if you're stuck at the job you hate, you can either suck it up and stop complaining or change the job. If you think your career is not what you hoped for, stop complaining or try something different. And so one... It's not easy, but it is simple.

7809355

Oh, and cats too. And when all the dogs and cats of this world commit suicide, then, and only then may you start thinking of doing the same.

That's not really fair since cats would never kill themselves... They would push you from a cliff and watch as fall, though. At least, I know my cat would...

7809696

That's not really fair since cats would never kill themselves.

In that case, people shouldn't kill themselves either.