Kill with Rabbits was just an ordinary apocalypse survivor like everyone else back on Earth, but when a pony princess of another universe decides to ask for help in ending a horrible disease that is ravaging her homeworld...

...what can a simple human do?

Well, say no, of course! And then run crazy throughout Equestria, guns a blazing to teach the ponies not to ask something from a human when he has nothing left to give...

...except bullets.

Alt Desc:

An infection is spreading in Equestria, and Kill with Rabbits has the only cure. He doesn't want to help though, and now he has to battle his way through hordes of weeping mothers and dying kids to get back to earth before they force him to do good.

Make it stupider!

Ron Burgandy.

Honestly I don't think it can get any more stupid then that.

...unless Kill with Rabbits is crazy enough to see a talking lizard in a fez.

1458466

I said stupid! Not retarded! Get it together, Tyrone!

He communicates solely through headbutting.

He has unlimited ammo.

He just pulled a fighter jet from his pocket to use as a melee weapon.

Every time he shoots, a mare becomes pregnant.

All water he touches turns to beer.

He has to get back home before prom night.

Canadian drug runners sell to griffons.

His cell phone can hack into anything. Including brains. Including zombie brains.

There are now zombies.

1458483

I said stupid, not retarded! Get it together, Tyrone!

1458478

Hmm...

I like you! Sounds good!

1458487

You are the better of all these pathetic stupid wannabes. You are the stupid king!

Excellent. Have a follow.

1458466
Don't forget the black and red factor of being an alicorn, maybe even with bat wings and a cutie mark that makes everypony tremble in their horse shoes

1458522

*SLAP*

YOU NEVER GO FULL RETARD! NEVER!

1458524

HE BEAT YOU! ACCEPT YOUR FATE!

1458532

Black and red alicorn ponyfication is not stupid.

It's blasphemy and suicidal.

1458536
I will gladly be blasphemous for a laugh.

1458554
Does he find out he is the seventh element of harmony?

1458550

U so cwazy!

1458554

Crossover tag would be needed, and that would be OP. Never go full OP. Never.

But you know what? This kid 1458550 has made me seen the light. Because this kid 1458550 knows her shit. Therefore, this kid 1458550 is getting her notifs spammed.

I will do that shit. I will hijack the Tardis, and crash it into a bar full tranies and shit.

1458584
No, I'm normal.

1458473 1458466

When he enters Equestria, he's an Alicorn and immediately the mane six want to bone him

ALTERNATIVE:
Whenever he [insert stupidly ridiculous condition here] in Equestria, everypony inexplicably thinks he's an amazing black and red Alicorn prince and immediately want to bone him/worship him/die for him/etc. until [insert another stupidly ridiculous condition here] happens and they all go back to normal...ish.

Better?

1458591

Good for you! You want a slow clap or something?

1458598

I could work with that. I definitely think I can. I will work with that.

1458608
I'd rather have a cupcake made out of Vinyl's flank.

1458608
Also, he's secretly the green Power Ranger. And the red one. Both at the same time. Even Pinkie Pie can't figure out how that works. But it doesn't matter because POWER RANGERS ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN MAGIC BITCHES!

1458616

Getting the saw to cut right was tough, but I finally got the blood out.

1458625

Hmm... Is he also inexplicably strong and immune to magic?

1458644
The blood is the best part.

1458445
His theme song is 'Dare to be Stupid'.

1458648

Now you're thinking with portals!

1458651

I thought that was the shitty filler inside the cupcake. Since it is made of flank. Oh well! To each his own!

1458658

I could work with that.

1458644

Hmm... Is he also inexplicably strong and immune to magic?

I quote:

[...]POWER RANGERS ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN MAGIC BITCHES!

No one can ever take them down because the power lies on their side, of course. They've got a power and a force you've never seen before.

Whenever he inexplicably transforms into the green and red Power Rangers the theme song to Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers plays from seemingly out of nowhere and is SO AWESOME it makes Rainbow Dash feel inadequate.

Also, the obvious ability of any Power Ranger: causing explosions in the background for emphasis. Also, the ability to deal melee damage without making physical contact by using flamboyant pseudo martial arts attacks from overly ambitious camera angles.

1458648
I mean that none of this story is really going to be "normal", is it? So they would return to normal...ish.

1458696
And the pull to open sign stuck mysteriously to his back.

1458696
Cyberdine Systems Model 101. (Sorry, couldn't help myself with the cyborg and time travel and what not)

1458741
His shits need to be glittery and his farts monotone rainbows.

You know, he also needs some equally ridiculous downfalls and flaws too! Otherwise he'll be a shitty God Mode Sue! And we don't want that, do we?

1458766
Have him be petrified, literally, of maple leaves.

1458773
Whenever he sneezes, he teleports to a random location within a 10 kilometer radius. That includes up and down. And it isn't selective on whether or not he is teleported through objects like walls or the ground (although he displaces/telefrags them rather than fusing with them)

1458851
He could write better shit than Twilight by smashing the keyboard with a double sided dildo sticking out of his anus.

...hmm o-o.... ever thought about adding a rampaging monster dressed like Elvis Presley?
or you could just have Discord to cause any non sense.

My mind just thinks random so I'd probably have a few ideas here and there! =w=

1458445 Everytime he kicks someone in the testies, a baby punches Celestia.
Luna rapes everything.
He has a rabbit companion that devours souls whilst looking adorable as hell.
His special move is T-bagging and does 9000+ damage.
He checks his Tumblr every once in a while.

1458891
Who said it was a metaphor, I think he could actually do it

Round two! FIGHT!

He requires virgin sacrifices. Virgin olive oil works too.

He never talks first. OP is always a faggot.

He can summon an ATM wherever he is.

His credit card number is his name in Humgonian.

His special power is making towns sink.

Someone sane gets sent in behind him and is forced to hunt him down.

Ron Jeremy.

1458445 On arriving in Equestria, he beats up Celestia with a fish. He shoves a two pound block of jalapeno cheese Nothing here to see go back to your lives so Shining Armor's eyes are watering through the rest of the story, he screams in terror at the word 'fondue' and he walks funny.
He ties Cadence's tail to Discord's statue and uses her rump as a battering ram to free the Draconequus. He suggests that now Cadence has to marry Discord.
He eats the Elements of Harmony, and starts crapping rainbows.
He runs a rope through the holes in Chrysalis' horn and uses her as a bullroarer.
He always starts a battle with the warcry of 'Watercress sandwiches!'
He responds to anyone giving him food by screaming 'I'm Gordon Fucking Ramsey' and beating them bloody with the plate or the food itself.
He inflates Pinkie like a balloon, ties her tail to Twilight's and sends them off to the moon.
He catches Sombra and pounds his horn to and through Luna's bedroom door.
He gets ready to set Fluttershy's cottage afire, she begs into spare her home, he leers at her just long enough to get her convinced she's to be the torch, when he sets the bear on fire and sends him rampaging through Ponyville.
He shampoo's Rainbow Dash's wings with Nair, and the feathers dissolve.
He cooks an elaborate and delicious dinner for Rarity, then (after she's eaten it) tells her he ground up Sweetie Belle and used her as the main ingredient. (Your choice whether he did or just has her tied up somewhere, maybe gives Sweetie Belle a 'last meal' and tells her the it was made from ground up Rarity).
When Luna tries to attack him through dreams, she's locked in a room, her eyes glued open, and forced to watch Barney, over and over and over again.
He stuffs Nightmare in a hooka and smokes her (it makes his voice sound funny).
He puts porno pictures of Applejack all over Ponyville, they get torn down. Then he plants porno pics of Granny Smith (current age), no one will come out of their houses for fear of seeing one.
He paints the words 'Horny Virgin' on Celestia's throne.
He gets a cockatrice, petrifies one of the Mane 6, arranges for Blueblood to see the cockatrice in a particular posture, then he 'assembles' the two statues and leaves them in Celestia's bedroom.
He ties Twilight to a chair in her library and forces her to watch as he steals the last page of every mystery, and complete scrambles the orders of the books.
The Great and Powerful Trixie is glued to two of the Wonderbolts.

1458801 1458851 1458864 1458876 1458879

You people are all sick and weird.

I love you all.

1459229
I know

1459065 1459157 1459163

You are glorious.

1459084

I was thinking second person reader tags along and has to endure the bullshit. Hmmm... Could work.

1459252

Hypocrite! You said you were normal!

1459259
Define normal.

1459266

Good point. I guess it makes sense, since everyone here is weird as hell, so you're being normal. Carry on then.

1459275
I WILL!

1459297 1459296

Double posting is your specialty.

1459284

FINE!

1459305

Mhm. Sounds good.

1458445
Five words: He is Cyber-Chuck Norris