Why I Deleted A Story: An Explanation · 6:44pm Mar 9th, 2022
To begin with, this blog is going to deal with some taboo topics. Specifically incest. Not in an explicit way, but it will be mentioned.
I also have the feeling that some folks aren't going to like what I have to say here, and that's fine. I've enjoyed your company, but if this is where we part ways, then so be it.
Continues after the break.
Last May, on a whim, I decided to try my hand at another contest. Specifically, the Incest is Wincest's Mother's Day Contest. My adult stories have always been more on the vanilla side, and I was intrigued at the idea of trying a more... extreme fetish. Not one that I myself agreed with, mind you, but one that nonetheless sparked my curiosity. My initial idea for the entry was a comedic Back to the Future parody, but try as I might I couldn't bring myself to actually write descriptions of the act itself. It was like there was some kind of block. I considered just throwing my hands in the air and being done with it.
But... I had an addiction, you see.
My first contest on this site was the Dirty Little Contest, a sprawling competition that gave me the motivation to finish one story that had been gestating for years, gave birth to a new EqG Universe I've come to love, and allowed me to indulge in a couple that I'd never had the chance to dabble in before. There were 164 submissions to that contest... and I won. I rode that high for months, baby. I felt like a king.
And when the Barcast announced their Horror contest, I jumped in with both feet. It resulted in two stellar stories... neither of which placed.
The Right Back At It Again 2020 Shipping Contest? I threw my hat in as well. And I lost.
My initial victory still ate at me. How could I have such a dominant win against such a wide field and not be able to repeat the performance? There was also the matter of money. I'm poor, ladies and gents. Ya'll saw that when I came crawling to beg for help to save my family from a literal hotbox hell. I singled out contests with larger pots, aiming to make my writing worth the while.
And the next one to pop up was the Incest is Wincest's Mother's Day Contest.
(For the record, 'Night and Day' was not my actual first foray into incest. That would be 'the Best Part of Waking Up,' but I don't count that because it's an absurdist comedy and I love it. Remember this, it'll be important later.)
So, back to the block.
I shelved the Back to the Future parody and went back to the drawing board. I reasoned that if I couldn't get past the block, I'd go around it. Mine would be the only entry to not feature actual clop. Instead, I'd deal with the emotional ramifications of an incestuous coupling. The resulting story was one that I was quite pleased with.
It placed 6th.
And goddammit I knew I could do better. So when the next one rolled around, I jumped on it with no hesitation.
(It should come as no surprise that failing to place in the Renaissance contest with the very personal 'Change in Perception' was also a blow. I'll be forever grateful to Shakespericles for awarding me his Judge's Reward.)
Once I again, I opted to go the absurdist comedy route. I love 'Shameless is the Apple.' There's a couple lines that made me laugh out loud as I wrote them.
I placed 2nd.
And I knew I had the next one in the bag.
So the February Contest arrives and... I'm at a loss. I did emotional implications first. Absurdist comedy second. What could be next? Pride, that old dragon, demanded I write something. And so did my wallet. In desperation, I turned to my notebooks of story ideas and found 'the Guilty Ones.'
Conceived a few years back, the story was supposed to concern the fallout of Rumble and Apple Bloom giving in to their teenage hormones one day in the barn. How would their families react? Their friends? How would their relationship progress? It seemed like fertile soil for drama.
I took the opening scene, changed it to Mac and Applejack, and wrote it as my contest entry.
And, from the moment I published it, I hated it.
Because for the first time, I felt like a whore.
For the first time, I'd written something that didn't feel like me. What in concept had been an examination of youthful romance had become something cold and distant. It didn't cover new ground. The emotional beats had been covered (and done better) in 'Night and Day.' It was just... there.
I wasn't surprised it didn't place, and this morning I decided to do something I'd never done before; I deleted a story.
I make no apologies for the fact that I write erotica and clop. I enjoy it (most of the time) and it gives me a nice variance of things to work on. They're usually easier and more fun to write than my bigger dramatic works like 'the Architects of Fear.'
And I won't apologize for 'Night and Day' or 'Shameless is the Apple.' For better or for worse, they're me. You can see my touch in them.
But I do apologize for 'the Guilty Ones.' I'm sorry with all my heart. I was led astray by pride and greed, and I'm so, so sorry.
I'm not turned on by incest. I'm not an advocate for it. My attempts to write it were motivated solely by the question of if I could and how much money could I make by writing it. But, as with most things, my stance remains unchanged; if that's your thing, that's cool. So long as no one's getting hurt, then let your freak flag fly.
But that's not me. I'm vanilla as hell, and happy that way.
I also recognize that my contest seeking has become an addiction. I'm currently waiting for the results of LewdChapter's She Will Be Adored Contest, but after that? I'm done. No more contests. At least not for a long while. Story exchanges like Summer Sin and Jinglemas? Still gonna do those. But not contests.
This has turned out way longer than I meant, so I'll sign off for now.
For those of you who've stuck around, then thank you.
The story continues...
-Jade
I understand! I honestly entered two Incest Is Wincest contests as well hoping that I would win something (if any of you so much as say a word of hate then f you, if you made it down to the comments you've no right). To be honest, it was mostly to prove to myself that my writing was actually worth something, and I'd been experimenting with the couple that was featured in both entries so I figured I could use them. I understand not wanting to let pride get the better of you, and I respect your decision! It's also nice to see that there are people who can recognize when something might get them into trouble further down the road if it's taken beyond something harmless (like a story contest) and I applaud you for making a mature decision. It seems there are still plenty of grown adults who have yet to reach such a pedestal.
Very, very familiar with that feeling.
I get entirely what you're describing - I'm a sucker for contests and historically throw my hat into them with wild abandon. And that rush of winning (or even just finishing highly) is awesome. And I know all too well that feeling when you look back at a story and know the story's just not right. Particularly when you've got an idea that starts out singing and forcing it into a certain mold crushes that.
At the end of the day, you have to live by your body of work and sometimes the right choice is to smother a story because it just didn't work - sometimes we catch them at the outline stage, sometimes not until after they're published. It sucks. But making sure you're proud of the work you put out is important, and you made the right call. Props for that.
It's hard I imagine bud to try and win those contests, so many different variables at play. Regardless one thing that will never change is you are an AMAZING author, and we'll always look forward to what you write next!
I won't claim to know you personally but from what I do know, I understand wanting to stick to vanilla content. I've entered one Incest is Wincest contest and haven't entered since then because I haven't been able to submit a piece of work with a solid concept I found worthy of my name. You know probably better than I do that e-fame is fleeting and I found it interesting that you claimed to be riding high beating 167 other stories while I experienced the same euphoria for about the same amount of time from only beating 18 other stories. I think it goes to something beyond the numbers involved such as likes, follows and the amount of prize money you secure. It's just a desire to receive positive validation.
But none of that matters if you hate what you're doing. It's the Wingsofredemption story arc in a nutshell.
I probably wouldn't have deleted the story for the benefit of the people who enjoyed it but that's your call and I respect it.
I can understand where you're coming from entirely. I have written stories that didn't feel like me and hated them too. I know where you're coming from with how you feel. Oh and good luck with your result in the "She Shall Be Adored" contest. I did one for that too.
I will say this though, you are an amazing author and your Legion of Doom stories are amazing.
I'm surprised that it wa deleted but I get your reasons for it. Honestly it looks better to go with your first muse with Applebloom and Rumble then changing it to Mac and AJ. And I would like to see Rumblebloom at some point...
Been there, done that, did not place either. XD
All's well that ends well.
5642630
After careful consideration, I've decided that I still like the idea enough to move it past the concept phase and into full plotting. Stay tuned...