A Year Without You · 3:34pm Jan 10th, 2022
It's been a year since you've left us, Soul Sister.
I haven't used that line in a while. A long, long while. It felt dusted and fake when I started using it again. It's almost as if your death had slipped into the state of an online friend that's faded from one's life. I'm still unsure of what you were to me. How much of a right to what extent I was allowed to feel and mourn for your passing. Close friends have more of a right than people who had drifted.
But that's a shallowly logical way to look at it.
It's weird to think that I drowned myself in Rundown 4 of GTFO when you died; I also got rid of a lot of people, and was by myself for a while. Your death inspired me to do better, to work harder, to work more—because you never know when the next word might be your last. I pushed forward but then burned out. I tried being good but wound up being myself again.
And as I write this a year later, in a drastically different place than I was when it had begun, I wonder how much I've actually changed.
But the truth is that I miss you. That I still care for you. That I read your stories and, when it comes time to become immersed in you again, that I'll feel as strongly about you as I did before. Death is like falling out of touch with a friend. You feel it strongly for months and, after those months, the strength starts to fade. The trials of daily life take their place.
Sometimes you drift to that friend in thought and conversation. Other times, something causes you to revisit your memories of them. Reading old messages and remembering the links that chain a friendship. Once you become immersed in all that you have forgotten, the feelings return strongly, if only for a little, until they are fated to fade.
But you always lurk in my consciousness. You're a subconscious force and perhaps a reason behind some of my few goodnesses. It sucks that you're not here in the world. It sucks that you're no longer writing. I enjoyed your writing. I enjoyed your characters and dialogue and stories. You wrote macro and micro far better than I could better hope. And I wonder if the world would profit more if you were here writing instead of me.
But, in the end, we're forced to be ourselves, and make the best out of whoever that is.
I hope you're well, somehow.
Later, Soul Sister.
~ Yr. Soul Sibling, B
Life is always shorter than expected
pbs.twimg.com/media/EK-zGLeXkAAql7T.jpg
(PS don’t mind this I tried to edit to give this art to you instead but accidentally deleted it)
Well she is remembered by you and us.
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This is a very sweet drawing.
Thank you!
Ever onward
Blessed be
As long as we think of her, she is always with us. Inspiring us to be our best and to help each other.
Take care, B.
The greatest injustice of all
Is not that souls are taken away from us
It's that life goes on after they are
I hope you're doing well.
She's still about in spirit, even in the non-philosophical way. I see and hear people talk about her wonderful personality and her stories all the time.
She was fortunate to have such good friends here who cared for her.
...and I still keep that image in my art folder and smile every time I see it.