Engagement · 1:30pm Oct 13th, 2021
I'm going to be honest... I'm burnt out. Writing causes me such a range of different emotions...
I like it when I'm doing it it, but I feel... fatigue. And when I'm not doing it... it feels like chore, the prospect of writing.
Still, there is no other way for me to get what I feel out. No way other than writing.
It's... so hard to write longer texts. My stories lack any form of engagement, my audience is silent to the bones. Per over a thousand views, I have 54 comments, half of which are mine. Of the reminder, about a third are because I requested them specifically. And what remains is a little over a dozen comments written a year ago, mostly from the same users.
Who am I writing for...? You see, I've never aspired to gain fame or audience; I was always writing just for myself.
But there is a difference between leaving your works eternally on your computer or tablet and publishing them. When they slumber quietly on your hard drive, noone can come, there is no possibility, you can't have ratings and people and engagement. But when it's published.... you can. And so a lack of it becomes more affecting. The knowledge that it is now possible to occur makes the difference.
There is no better motivation than comments. Even negative onces, simply... comments. Somehow, there isn't...
I may sound very snobishm selfish. But the truth is... that is how it works emotionally, and it's hard to hide it for no reason. As there is no reason to...
This is something that all creators experience, unfortunately. We're leaving our creations on the internet, where literally anypony could find them, and yet they're just... left there? It drags us down, definitely. And it's all well and good saying "write for fun, not fame," or "carry on and ponies will find your work eventually," but so hard to actually do this. *hugs* Even I feel like this sometimes, when it's always the same few commenting on my story. How to draw in new readers? I don't honestly know.
What I do know is that if it doesn't make you feel happy, it's not worth writing on that particular day. But each day is different. On another day, there might be a new comment, or the burnout might not be so bad. You just have to wait for inspiration.
Funny enough I exprience this fairly recently and all the while its the eyes (and ideas of others that make me cringe.) And well I have many stories to tell (and draw) There is unfortunetly a limit on my mind and how much can I give you know for the seemingly facelessness of the internet...especially when I have always struggled with it...it really is hard to live in a society in so many ways?
How do we fit in? Should we?
I recently find drawing (a old love) now found again and its freeing. I still have words inside me. But, like the mind that holds them I will let them rest in other forms.
Because no story is worth my sanity.