Friendship is Card Games: Rainbow Dash Presents: Cupcakes · 11:40am Oct 3rd, 2021
We return to another tale twisted by the teller. And this one was pretty twisted to begin with. Time for one of the iconic memes of early pony.
Fun fact: Sergeant Sprinkles’s seminal slasher fic was actually written before “Party of One” aired. The conflation of flat-haired Pinkie with the demon baker of Saddle Street was a later syncretism.
I’m not sure what I like more, Pinkie in a chair stolen from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse or both ponies commenting on the writhing, amorphous entity in Dash’s fireplace.
The metawarning is a lovely touch. As is Pinkie insisting they go forward with the story. She’s been looking forward to this, which should tell you something about Mentally Advanced Pinkie Pie. Yes.
Thrackerzod looking directly at the viewer during the shot of the Crusaders is a lovely touch. Just perfectly normal filly things. Much like her portrayal of Rainbow Dash Tyrannosaurus.
Ah, the return of Dash’s drawn-on watch. Though in crayon this time. Or possibly some manner of fur cosmetic that Rarity gave her.
Pranking Cthulhu… yeah I wouldn’t put it past this Pinkie. Nice touch with the Great Old One having a Smarty Pants doll.
I do have to love how heavily the story’s leaning on the dramatic irony. Everyone but Dash knows what’s going to happen. Or so they think.
Dash is really hoping for something involving a gorilla suit. I suspect she rented one without thinking about what she’d specifically do with it.
… Well, she certainly brought one with her.
Heh. Callback to the previous RDP and Dash’s unfortunate history with emetics.
Pinkie angrily staring at the fourth wall as Dash goes on about how alcohol and sugar don’t mix is delightful.
“She jumped to her feet in a flash, then laid down again in the thing most opposite of a flash.”
Outstanding.
I’m not sure what’s better, the increasingly elaborate names for Dash in her gorilla suit or Pinkie complaining about her going off-script.
Ah, in-character versus out-of-character discussion. It can certainly be a tricky issue.
The “Pinkie does not need your permission” frame is a great piece. It’s amazing how much expression Petirep gets out of just eyes. Though the bulging and visible vessels in Pinkie’s eyes do a lot of work there.
This Dash is the sort of person who would, when freed from a table she was strapped to with dubious consent, come back and be restrained again just to see where it was going.
Again with the frog. Not sure why this Pinkie insists on one for medical procedures, but there it is.
I have to appreciate how things like intestinal garlands and skull ornaments are described as “typical Pinkie Pie flair.”
Oh, right this came out the day before Halloween. Ah, the beauty of proper timing.
Yeah, where were the Cakes in Cupcakes, anyway? Pinkie’s basement slaughter cave probably took a while to set up, and I can’t imagine they appreciated the smell. Sadly, I can’t double-check. The EqD link from the video is dead. (And, quite frankly, I’m happier not knowing.)
Ah, narrative combat. Where scene and character are weapons as much as blade and bullet.
Pinkie clearly knows something about frogs that I don’t. And neither do the frogs.
All things considered, this is an entirely reasonable ultimatum from Mrs. Cake. It’s almost Nightmare Night, so the decorations are not the issue. They were using that basement. (Compare Pinkie’s secret party cave, which she appears to have excavated herself. You can take the mare off the rock farm…)
And so we see how Dash is characterizing Mrs. Cake so effectively. She’s been in Pinkie’s horseshoes more times than she’d like to admit.
“Pinkie will put your name in the hat twice tonight!”
Oh goodness, I’d completely forgotten about the murder lottery aspect of Cupcakes.
“Besides, I’m saving myself for the Wonderbolts.”
I mean, on the one hand, this is an understandable misread given the “strapped to a table” thing. On the other, it’s kind of darkly hilarious. If Dash is going to be gruesomely, ritualistically murdered by anypony, it had better be her heroes!
“It’s not about what the Wonderbolts will do, it’s about the Wonderbolts.”
Well. Fair point, then.
Yes, Pinkie prowls through town, still wearing her dress made of stitched-together cutie marks. Very inconspicuous.
Speaking as someone who loves twisting dark scenarios along silly lines, I have to appreciate Dash here. Knowing this iteration of her, she’s definitely not doing it on purpose, but it’s still delightful.
Oh goodness, the Dash cupcake bouncing ball.
The song parody is truly incredible.
Wonderbolt-romantic Dash makes far too much sense. (Not necessarily Wonderbolt-sexual. Important distinction.)
Ah. Sometimes the way to a mare’s heart is through tokusatsu.
Pinkie wearing gloves on all four hooves, complete with the fingers flopping about, is fantastic.
Rarity-made lingerie apparently consists of a frilly saddle. Yeah, that works.
Yeah, a loft apartment isn’t the best place for an elaborate ritualistic murder temple.
And seventeen minutes in, we get the money shot. And by “money,” I of course mean “amputation.”
“Possessed by the Nightmare Night heebie-jeebies” is a better explanation for serial murderer Pinkie Pie than most I’ve heard.
“Pinkie will put drinks in it and then she will sip victory in her speedy hat.”
I don’t have anything to add here. I just want to commemorate this sentence’s existence.
Oh hey, one of Dash’s wings grew back. 
“Pinkie kills Rainbow Dash.”
“Ouuuch.”
The delivery here is fantastic.
Ah, a happy ending for everyone. After all, Pinkie and Dash both got what they wanted in the end. Now let’s see what I can get out of this:
Arrogant Aerialist 1W
Creature — Pegasus Citizen
Flying
Arrogant Aerialist can’t attack or block alone.
Disturb 4W (You may cast this spell from your graveyard transformed for its disturb cost.)
Pride cometh before a dive.
2/2
Acclaimed Ectobolt
(W) Creature — Pegasus Spirit Soldier
Flying
Whenever Acclaimed Ectobolt attacks, attacking creatures get +1/+0 until end of turn.
If Acclaimed Ectobolt would be put into a graveyard from anywhere, exile it instead.
3/3
Dramatic Setup 1W
Sorcery
Manifest the top card of your library. (Put it onto the battlefield face down as a 2/2 creature. Turn it face up any time for its mana cost if it’s a creature card.)
2W, Exile Dramatic Setup from your graveyard: Exile target creature you control, then return it to the battlefield under your control. (Instant and sorcery cards can’t enter the battlefield.)
Determined Supervisor 3W
Creature — Pony Citizen
Determined Supervisor has indestructible as long as an opponent controls more creatures than you.
It takes an incredible will and an iron stomach to discipline Pinkie Pie.
3/2
Strapped Down 1U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature doesn’t untap during its controller’s untap step.
When enchanted creature dies, you draw a card.
“I think we’ll learn a lot together.”
Luna Bay Divers 3U
Creature — Pony Scout
When Luna Bay Divers enters the battlefield, mill three cards.
Luna Bay Divers’s power is equal to the number of instant and sorcery cards in your graveyard.
Ponies are not a naturally aquatic species, but the sea’s bounty still calls to some.
*/4
You Find a Remote Inn 1B
Instant
Choose one —
• Stay the Night — Target creature gets -3/-2 until end of turn.
• Check the Basement — Return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand.
“I do love having company.”
Whimsical Slaughterer 1BB
Creature — Pony Assassin
When Whimsical Slaughterer enters the battlefield, target opponent sacrifices a creature at random.
“How can I say it’s nothing personal if I don’t keep it fair?”
3/1
Mass Haruspicy 2B
Instant
As an additional cost to cast this spell, you may sacrifice any number of creatures.
You draw X cards and lose X life, where X is the number of creatures that died this turn.
The wise mare uses every opportunity.
Sugarcube Butcher 3B
Creature — Pony Assassin
B, Sacrifice another creature: Put a +1/+1 counter on Sugarcube Butcher.
Sugarcube Butcher has flying as long as a Pegasus card is in your graveyard and has menace as long as a Unicorn card is in your graveyard.
2/3
Surprise Demise 3B
Instant
Spectacle 1B (You may cast this spell for its spectacle cost rather than its mana cost if an opponent lost life this turn.)
Destroy target creature.
“It’s like a birthday party in reverse!”
—Pinkie, proprietor of the Pinkie Revue
Sweeping Cleave 3BB
Sorcery
Destroy all creatures with no counters on them, then remove all counters from all creatures.
One heartless act deserves another.
Flayed Dreadlord 5BB
Creature — Zombie Wizard
When Flayed Dreadlord enters the battlefield, create a number of 2/2 black Zombie creature tokens equal to your devotion to black. (Each B in the mana costs of permanents you control counts towards your devotion to black.)
Zombie tokens you control have menace.
3/3
Obtrusive Clutter 1R
Enchantment
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield, Obtrusive Clutter deals 1 damage to it.
“Really, it’s amazing most people don’t bang their shins as they planeswalk.”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Hearth Ooze 2R
Creature — Ooze
Whenever one or more land cards are put into a graveyard from anywhere, put a +1/+1 counter on Hearth Ooze.
2R, Discard a card: Draw a card.
Those who encourage it pay a price, usually insurance premiums.
3/2
Territorial Pithesus 3G
Creature — Ape Pegasus
Mutate 2G (If you cast this spell for its mutate cost, put it over or under target non-Human creature you own. They mutate into the creature on top plus all abilities from under it.)
Reach
Whenever this creature mutates, destroy up to one target creature with flying.
2/4
Dreadmaw Umbra 3GG
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has base power and toughness 6/6 and has trample.
Totem armor (If enchanted creature would be destroyed, instead remove all damage from it and destroy this Aura.)
Azure-Wing Headband 2
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature has flying, haste, and hexproof.
Equip 3
Careful cuts preserve the magic of grisly prizes.
Madmare’s Utensils 3
Artifact
T, Sacrifice a creature: Add CC.
2, T, Exile a creature card from your graveyard: Draw a card.
The truly depraved make no distinction between surgery and butchery.
Morphing Grid 3
Artifact
3, T: Choose one —
• Manifest the top card of your library.
• Turn target face-down creature face up. (Instants and sorceries can’t be turned face up.)
Desecrating Nightmare UB
Creature — Nightmare
Whenever Desecrating Nightmare blocks or becomes blocked by a creature, exile up to one target creature card from that creature’s controller’s graveyard. If you do, Desecrating Nightmare becomes a copy of that creature until end of turn.
1/2
Croaking Assimilator 2BG
Creature — Frog Horror
If a creature dealt damage by Croaking Assimilator this turn would die, exile it instead.
Croaking Assimilator gets +2/+2 for each card exiled with it.
The population of Froggy Bottom Bog grows every night.
3/3
Cthulhu, Great Old One 8UB
Legendary Creature — Elder Horror Cleric
This spell costs X less to cast, where X is the greatest number of cards a player has milled this turn.
Flying, menace
When Cthulhu, Great Old One enters the battlefield, each player mills six cards. If Cthulhu wasn’t cast, return it to its owner’s hand.
6/6
Poisoned Platter XUB
Instant
Tap up to X target creatures. Distribute X -1/-1 counters among any number of those creatures.
“Don’t worry. I made enough for everypony.”
R’lyeh Catacombs
Land
R’lyeh Catacombs enters the battlefield tapped.
T: Add B.
1UUB, T, Sacrifice R’lyeh Catacombs: Each player discards all the cards in their hand, then draws that many cards minus one. Activate only as a sorcery.
Inside Baseball Alert: You Find A Remote Inn is based on a bunch of top-down cards from the D&D set that offered two choices because D&D.
Inside Baseball Alert: Spectacle, previously seen as a Rakdos mechanic, is shown accompanied by the Pinkie Pie from The Implicit Neighs. Look, that's just what the entertainment industry is like on Ravnica.
Inside Baseball Alert: Dreadmaw Umbra is of course Colossal Dreadmaw as an Umbra; as Eberron has pointed out before, fantasy worlds where they survived to mingle with humans probably aren't going to use the real-world scientific nomenclature.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: The rules can't actually differentiate between cost reduction and "without paying its mana cost" so you have to "cast" Cthulhu but you can still cheat him out.
Inside Baseball Alert: Cthulhu can only appear when the stars are right, yet is fully susceptible to violence. Find a boat with at least 6 power and more than that in toughness (or first/double strike) and you can straight-up reenact the original story to make your opponent sad.
I detest that syncretism is a concept which can be applied to headcanon XD
I'm just here to say that the original Cupcakes is actually a delightful and hilarious comedy and genre parody entirely done in jest and you all misunderstood it. I am fully willing to elaborate if anyone wants me to. And I am fully aware of the irony given my profile picture and entire aesthetic of this account.
5591020
I would just like to point out as the resident Lovecraft nerd that the stars were very explicitly not right yet in the original story, as evidenced both by other events in different parts of the continuity and by the specific mention of the fact that only a very small portion of R'lyeh resurfaced as opposed to the whole thing, among other details. What Cthulhu did was the equivalent of groggily waking up at three in the morning and going to the bathroom, and we know more or less for a fact he'll wipe out humanity when he wakes up proper some forty or fifty thousand years from now, much like he wiped out the Great Race's past host species.
5591051
Nobody sane still believes we're going to last anywhere near that long, and neither did Lovecraft.
5591053
Likely not us as a species in the real world, but in his narrative universe specifically there are a couple of mentions of humans from around that time. The Shadow Out of Time has one of the most notable ones, if I'm not mistaken.
5591056
Just one of the things that makes the Mythos surprisingly optimistic from a modern perspective, I guess.
5591057
In fairness his depiction of humans of that time is all but optimistic. Cthulhu is meant to come back "when we have become like them" or something like that. The vision he shows of society's future is basically the exacerbated sum of everything he hated about his contemporary society, though it was undoubtedly the result of his distaste for New York's urban environment after moving there when he wrote that story.
Maybe this isn't the right place to be discussing this, though.
Mighty Morphin'?
5591051
I was aware of this already, but I want to hear you elaborate anyway for the purposes of educating the masses.
5591468
It's fairly clearly what you would call a trollfic. Aside from being deliberately written in response to the high amount of PinkieDash fics at the time (those were good times
take me back please), almost everything about it, read with a clear mind, seems to be done on purpose, right down to the bad grammar of the original original (and not the rewrite which cuts out the true ending). 'Shockfics' were a thing long before the MLP fandom, and read today Cupcakes is clearly a parody of that style of edgy stories. An hilarious one I might add, some of the humour is great. I'd even say the characterisation of Pinkie is great too in its bizarreness, and there's actual thought and effort put into rendering her inner conflict, but that's beside the point.Whoever wrote it knew what they were doing, probably after coming from some other fandom. The MLP fandom itself, however, was still too young and naive to recognise the defining characteristics of an edgy 'grimdark' fic and the way Cupcakes uses them to a comedic end rather than the usual. So despite reading like a parody or even a deconstruction of the genre, Cupcakes became the defining darkfic of the pony fandom, and its reputation so infamous everyone assumed it was just that. It ended up starting that same genre it's actually satirising. I wholeheartedly encourage anyone (provided you can stomach the literal character butchering) to search for the original and read it with a clear mind, with the knowledge of everything that came after. It made me laugh like few other fics could. It was ahead of its time and misunderstood, I tell you.
5591060
The optimism I was referring to was less Lovecraft's actual intentions and more the modern transhumanist reaction of "that doesn't sound that bad, actually".
5591893
So, it's like Lt Mary Sue from that one Star Trek fic. Meant to parody the concept, but ended up becoming it. Ironic.