I failed. So goodbye. · 9:42pm Sep 23rd, 2021
Hello. As you know from my previous blog post I gave myself a deadline: October. But with a week to go and my current progress, I decided to throw in the towel early. Therefore, I can officially label this account as dead. I won’t delete it, or any of the stories contained within, but I will no longer log into it again unless something exceptional happens.
I did try. I’d sit down for hours at a time, just attempting to create something, anything worthwhile. However, I was never satisfied. The number of words I could pump out per writing session fell off dramatically. When once I was able to do 10k words within a week, I’m lucky if I can get 2k, and I’m even luckier still if those words aren’t deleted. Keeping count from February, I have deleted or abandoned over 134k words across numerous works. I don’t lack introspection. This is clearly an inner editor problem or a lack of confidence, or expectations being set way too high, but I’m unable to switch it off. I have tried. I’ve tried telling myself it doesn’t matter since it’s just a first draft, that it’s okay to not be perfect, blah blah blah. Others have told me the same, tried to assure me of the quality of my writing, but I don’t have the heart to tell them it doesn’t help in the slightest. I want it to work. I’d sometimes show the stuff I wrote to others just to ensure it’s okay, and the assurance works for an hour, but then that tightness in my chest returns, and the only evidence of those words existing are on a discord message. Another plausible cause is a lack of voice. Once upon a time, I could slip into the position of ‘narrator’, but now I’m unable. Again, I think it ties to the issue of the inner editor, since I can’t stop cringing at said voice and what it produces.
This blog wasn’t written with the intention to attract praise. As I said, it doesn’t work. Whilst I can appreciate that you were made happy or enjoyed something I did, it doesn’t translate to me doing a good job. That’s not a critique of your taste, it’s just that I find it hard to permit myself to feel good about something. When I see someone enjoys something of mine, I get happy by proxy, not because it’s a validation of something I wrote. The purpose of this blog is informative, and if you’re disappointed by this, I understand completely. However, the writer whose works you were fond of has, despite the saying to the contradictory, forgot how to ride his bike.
Ciao. And I hope you have a good day.
Jesus Christ bro. Write a fun, tiny fic for yourself and throw it up. Hang out, read, and comment to emotionally support other writers and stay a part of the community. We all go through dry spells or have to take time to reinvent the wheel. It's cool.
Stay with us, yo. Just hang out.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do
Just remember you don't owe anypony anything. You don't need to create to belong. You already belong.
Sorry dude, I hope you will find a way to come back to your writing and enjoy the process again, best of luck dude.
Had a great run my dude
I’m sorry you weren’t feeling the spark anymore but I hope you have a fulfilling life and great luck on your future endeavors
On to the next endeavor then; life takes many twists and turns: don't forget to enjoy the journey, but also no need to force things to stay the same. I hope you find inspiration in whatever comes next.
No matter what happens bud well always have your back, we hope you kick some ass and have fun in this next phase of your life!
bye bye. For what it’s worth what you already given us is great enough.
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Says that you are not going to log on anymore and yet you on yesterday.
But thanks for all the great stories