Running Off the Rails Post Mortem · 9:48pm Jul 22nd, 2021
Hello, everyone!
Been a while since I've done one of these, but for those who don't know I like to write post mortems on my big stories and talk about the process, what worked, what didn't, etc.
Obviously, spoilers. Though to be honest if you haven't read the story I'm not sure why you're reading this. Just in case turn back now or be spoiled forever!
Good? Awesome, let's get started.
Conception
I was not initially going to write this story. I had just finished May Pairings and was a little burned out on writing. Honestly, I didn't even have a great idea for an entry to the contest and wasn't really coming up with anything. Then I had a thought:
What if I did a time loop story?
A time loop story is one of my shall we say "bucket list" stories to tell. This was a good excuse as any to do so, so Otter decided to write himself a time loop. Where was it going to be? A train because I watched too much Infinity Train recently. Who's the story about? Well, anyone who knows me knows it's going to be about pony Flash Sentry (Yes, I have a problem, shut up). What's the conflict?
Well, let's say it didn't start with what it is now.
Theme Confusion
I'm going to come out and say this right now: this story is tight. The whole thing is lean, mean, and to the point. Bam. Establish Flash Sentry. Bam. Set the scene and introduce the characters. Bam. Start the loop and explain the mechanics. Bam. Deal with emotional baggage. Bam. Ending. This story has the clearest through-line on theme and storytelling I have ever written. There is no bloat. I can make no argument for any scene in this entire story that was not necessary (the word cap ensured I kept to it).
The initial outline did not start like that.
Okay, let's get this out of the way: the story is about the aftermath of Flash's abusive relationship with Twilight and coming to terms with his abuse while on the train so he can move on. The entire story is very much a *DO YOU GET THE METAPHOR?!* with the train, and the baggage, and moving forward, like this is high school English lit class levels of forced metaphor.
I still think I'm clever for tying the loop together as "the train derails when Flash derails". It was brilliant and totally not the most obvious thing to go with. I refuse to acknowledge my basicness.
So, anyways that was not the initial theming. Originally, it was supposed to be a weird combination of being in an awkward relationship with Twilight that just wasn't working (the abusive bit was not there initially), something something abandonment issues from parents, and Point Guard is the worst.
Let's talk about Love Letter and how that tied the entire story together.
Love Letter and Why the Parents Angle Was Dumb
Vibrato was present in the original outline as was Next Track and Point Guard. Originally, Love Letter was actually these twin boys who kept getting called back to a passenger car by their parents and Flash was going to desperately stop them because he was pretty sure they were abused like him which was triggering and... look. It was bad. The entire thing muddled the theme, made a weaker story because of all the disparate threads, and on top of that made the story super dark.
So, the twins got replaced by Love Letter. That entire scene recontextualized the rest of the story and thus the story changed from this weird mix of stuff into one through-line on "Flash is trying to move on from his abusive relationship". Vibrato's and Point Guard's bits were cleaned up to match the new theme and the rest is written.
The part about the letters, however, was a last-minute addition by a suggestion from my sibling. I thought it tied in well with the scene (plus it was super sad which worked).
The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
You know what? I don't actually have a lot of criticism about this story for myself. I'm sure a lot of people can point out errors and things I did wrong or handled poorly, but honestly? I thought I did a damn fine job.
Flash's characterization was strong, the story was lean but tight, there wasn't any word bloat, the metaphor worked even if it was a little in your face, and the theme was strong throughout start to finish.
My biggest criticism to my myself is the rushed last two chapters. Those two could have done with a little more work, but at the same time... it got the gist. It was everything I wanted to hit in one go and I believe the execution worked (I await your downvotes with bated breath). Plus 15,000 word cap.
Oh my gosh that word cap. I stupidly thought I was going to have trouble getting past the minimum word count. That was not the case. I finished Love Letter's part saw the 4000 word chapter count and was like "oh s**t, I need to wrap this up in 3000 words and have two chapters to go."
Well, it got finished. I'll admit that the last two chapters could have used some more dialogue, but, again, word count.
That about sums up everything.
Let's talk about how there will never be a prequel or sequel to this.
The One I Would Write
There is a sequel I could potentially write that I would be comfortable doing (well get to the other two), which would be Flash being friends with Vibrato and Love Letter, and then maybe getting together with Sunburst because I could make this joke:
I'm sorry Twilight, but I'm with superior book horse now
<Sunburst's head comes out of saddlebags> Yeah, he's mine now, stacey
But I don't really have any new material that I hadn't already traversed elsewhere. A fun one, and a ship I actually like, would be Shining Armour/Cadance/Flash Sentry. But, Shining Armour would be a problem here.
...
Let's talk about the other two.
Yikes
Okay, obvious prequel: Flash Sentry and Twilight's relationship prior.
No.
That entire story would be a trainwreck in slow motion and not a fun one. I would have to write Flash's perspective as a victim in an abusive relationship that would be happening in real time.
No.
Sequel? I have an idea for that one. Here's the summary:
Twilight Sparkle goes to the Empire and decides she wants to get back together with Flash then gets mad when he doesn't want to. Afterward, she finds herself stuck in a time loop where she knows that she needs to get Flash to be together with her again. Told from Twilight's perspective.
Some of you probably already see the yikes and are bailing as we speak. Others might not quite understand so let me swap a few words around to make it more clear:
Abuser goes to the Empire and decides she wants to get back together with her victim then gets mad when he doesn't want to. Afterward, she finds herself stuck in a time loop where she knows that she needs to get her victim to be together with her again. Told from the abuser's perspective.
No. No. Hell, no.
Ultimately, I asked myself "If this fic existed would I read it?" I answered no, immediately.
Look. For better or for worse, Flash is my favourite character. I don't want to write a story where I watch my favourite character be emotionally abused over and over and over again. Just not my thing.
If someone wants to write that story, any of the above really, do it. You have my blessing. You can even use the mechanics in the story to do it.
Just don't link it to me.
Anyways, bye all. Have a great day wherever you are!
Thanks for the insights! Nice to see under the hood.
Honestly I love post mortems. It shows such a desire for growth, its cool!
Ps. Its just playing fun. Personally when I finish book one of my series...i.e when their done. I will try my hoove at these.
Your sequel...
I would write it as a sequence with Flash taking the place of, or in addition to, Next Stop. Lead Twilight into the realization of her hurting him; because if you really think about it, Twilight is just as clueless, if not more so, than Flash was. Her inexperience with relationships like this, there not being a self-help book that fits her situation, her fustrations and anger potentiating the severity of the breakup, etc.
Give Twilight the same situation, (perhaps with Luna's help) and the chance to experience some growth, too. The Princess of Friendship, I believe, wouldn't be so cold and callous intentionally, but we've seen where her mistakes and inexperience give that impression...
Keep the breakup, but create the chance to be good friends despite their history...
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That could work, but I'm not sure. Regardless of how I write it, I would still be writing from an abuser's perspective (even it would be Twilight which would be much less bad than other options).
Writing a story for an abuser to realize and grow from what they've done... I dunno makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable with it. Though, if I do write it I might try your angle over my first thought as that one would be significantly less painful.
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That's what makes "Running Off the Rails" so cool...
It's non-confrontational, except for the psyche of the one experiencing it...a 'safe space' for the pony to confront their issues without further damage to others; especially those intimately involved. It also keeps in theme with the canon of the show; the ability to make amends and grow beyond who they were before...
How would Twilight's situation on the train be different than Flash? Is she really that cruel inside, (I believe not, given the entire series message), or did she have a blind spot (most likely)? Did she have a Twilighting Twily-nanas extended meltdown? Was she lying to herself as much as Flash did? How did the full realization she would lead Equestria factor into that crash and burn? What did her friends notice, and did their input (Rarity's own issues, say) bleed into Twilight's faults here?
You would probably find even more, considering the complexity of Twilight, and the one time she fully deviated from her core principals caused an almost unrecoverable and fatal mistake, (The Movie).
I want to read that. With your touch, not mine. And as I postulated, they don't again have an intimate relationship, given the disparities, but they have understanding; as well as an experience they both learned from...and a common point to re-build a friendship from...
And that's what MLP is, at its core.
Friends.
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Hm. I actually spent the day thinking about this while writing other stuff.
Your approach is sound. It *is* making me consider writing a sequel with that in mind because from that perspective I might be able to write it. It won't be anytime soon, but we'll see.
So, I cant guarantee anything but you have convinced me to put this firmly in "maybe"
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All I ask...
Thank You...