gargle bargle i've been away · 6:42am Jul 5th, 2021
Welp. It's officially happened. I'm one of those authors.
I went completely AWOL for... what? A little over two weeks? Yikes, that's not so good for my personal image of a committed author. 
But let's be fair, how committed was I before anyway? My upload schedule was spotty, the quality of my work was spotty, and you had better believe my work ethic was as spotty as some sort of incredibly garish polka-dotted ensemble. (
)
I mean, I pretty much just stopped replying to comments after about two months! Sure I still wait for new ones with bated breath and a precarious lean, but I just have no idea what to say to people most of the time!
Maybe vanishing with no word for two weeks was something we all should have seen coming.
Sweet Celestia, this is going the exact way I didn't want it to. Melodrama is an ugly color to wear, and it doesn't match well with an inflated ego. I get in my own head a lot, and I seem to have blown this out of extreme proportions. If it wasn't for how much I like the way I wrote this so far, I would just erase the whole stupid thing. But I obviously won't and didn't!
this is a mess, can you tell how bad my problem is yet?
Okay, now that I've put out there that I should realize that two weeks isn't the vast length of time I make it out to be, I might be able to get to the point. Yes, there is indeed a point to this badly formatted and equally horribly written tangent. I'm not just uselessly spinning my rotted and misshapen wheels, I have a point to make. more like an excuse
Let's say, to bring to mind an extremely overused metaphor, my ability to write creatively is represented by some sort of well.
Yeah, I don't even have to finish the metaphor, you people get it. 
When I sit down to write, there's just nothing there. Normally, I get certain feelings about how a scene should go as I pen it out. I've learned to keep certain chapter goals in mind too, so I'm usually able to guide my process in certain directions. My tortured artist soul provides me with the outline, and I use my big brain and equally big vocabulary to fill it in.
That was a profoundly snooty way to say that I write stuff, but what I'm trying to say is that, barring some extended breaks, my creativity has never been the problem before. The time I spend writing my chapters has always been almost exclusively dedicated to figuring out how to get my ideas across in the most intelligent or funny or frightening manner.
Endlessly obsessing over my sentence structure and word choice is my bread and butter, and bread and butter just so happens to be the only meal I have been allowed to eat for my entire life. that was a joke i promise i haven't been abused
Basically, my dumb brain doesn't know what to do right now.
I dunno when this extremely dry spell will end, but this is hitting me really hard. I have about six thousand words thrown together between various different chapters, and when I look at my progress on any of them...
It just doesn't compute. Nothing comes, and I just feel out of my depth. aaagh the only sad emoji i like is applejack but i already used her
So... that's the state of it, I guess? I'm not giving up on the story, no way no how. I still have pages on pages of different story events that I lie awake at night thinking about, so I'm not just going to abandon anything. But the bottom line is: I have no idea how to put together scenes right now, and I don't know when I'll be able to.
There's a lot I feel like I haven't said, but this is just another symptom of my problem. It's just... nothing is connecting right?
Arghrgh, now my head hurts. I'm gonna go now. See you soon, hopefully?
please come back soon :)