Choice cuts V: “Erosion” through “Reprise”

Fortuitously, the three-chapters-at-a-time format brings us to the climax of Act II and the chapters immediately before and after. Buckle up—this one is extra long, involving as it does two of the biggest chapters I’ve posted to Fimfiction, and the story conferences were commensurately lengthy. Moreover, they involved two other people, not just one.

Dave: We’ve had two “montage” chapters for Sunset—but none for Rose. I was wondering if there was a way to set up this chapter as a similar quartet of scenes for Rose, covering the two weeks of Wallflower’s stay in the hospital, as she makes the preparations for the transfer. Meeting with Sticky Note could be one of those scenes.
Scampy: So one with Sticky, one with Sunset, one with Even Keel? And one by herself? The alternative might be instead of Even Keel, Rose goes to visit Wallflower, cuz they haven’t spoken. There’s a lot of room for punchy dialogue there.
Dave: I was thinking [Even Keel] instead of Sunset, but I like the idea of [Rose] talking to Wallflower, pretty much for the first time since the initial interview.
Scampy: "Sunset tells me you’re the reason I’m still here." Ohhh, really set her off on the wrong foot. Rose is a lot like Sunset, I think, in that she’s more at home when dealing with a combative person. Wally is the opposite of that usually, but now? I think right now Wally is still just bitter and apathetic. She’s mad at Rose for what she knows is a stupid reason. Ooooh, as Rose leaves, disheartened by the conversation, Wally says something like, "I’m sorry I put you through that." It’s not gratitude, but it’s acknowledgement of someone else’s feelings. For the first time, she can’t keep that sympathy down for the sake of bitterness, even if it’s just something small.
Dave: And Rose is starting to show [emotional] “tells” more than she normally does.
Scampy: Wally’s not the most emotionally literate, but she can tell Rose’s demeanor is a lot different than the last time they spoke. Oh, y’know what might be good too, is if Rose tells Wally that Sunset had stayed with her, every night, for the entire time she was unconscious, something like:
> [Rose:] "She really cares about you, yknow."
> [Wallflower:] “I wish she didn’t."
> [Rose:] “Well, that’s not up to you, is it?"
Dave: Rose is losing patience and becoming, if not angry, then irritated by the whole thing—uncharacteristically.
Scampy: Yeah. Not so much mad as, like, she wants out. She wants this to be over, or at least she doesn’t want to be involved anymore. Maybe she feels a little guilty about that, about just handing Wally off to another professional because Rose couldn’t handle it, and feeling relieved about it.

Dave: At the time you typed this ["Sunset tells me you’re the reason I’m still here."], I thought Rose was supposed to be saying it, but on later reflection I thought the speaker was supposed to be Wallflower. Who did you have in mind?
Scampy: Oooooooh, that’s good. Maybe Wally says it and Rose thinks the same thing to herself?
Dave: Wallflower blurts it out the moment she sees Rose appear in the doorway, before Rose even gets into the room. Which gives Rose pause.
Scampy: At the time, I was thinking Wally said it. That’s a really neat connection you made, though. That’s a really uncomfortable thought for Rose to sit with. If not for Sunset, would she just walk out on Wally’s case altogether now that she was being handed off to someone else? Rose doesn’t strike me as the kind of person to give up on someone, but that would kinda feel like it, doesn’t it?
Dave: No, she isn’t. It’s something she has in common with Sunset. Both of them will immolate themselves if they think that’s the order of the day.

I-A-M: I think [Cuppa’s] would be less a suggestion and more a habit. Sticky is a creature of ritual and habits. His office is where he meets his clients. If he's talking to someone that he's not responsible for or that he considers a peer, it's always in a more informal environment. Neutral ground, as it were.
Dave: Rose wasn’t sure about it at first, but has found it surprisingly soothing. Maybe the ostensible reason is swapping status of their respective cases. After that, I’m wondering if Sticky might inquire about the changes he’s started to notice in Rose over the past month or so.
I-A-M: Probably. Sticky Note is incisive but blunt, especially when it comes to work. If he thinks something is going wrong with a co-worker, his first instinct is to address it as directly and clearly as possible, regardless of how they take his concern. To him, it's a matter of looking after their charges as much as checking in on someone he respects.
Dave: Not even “is anything wrong?” but “what’s wrong?”
I-A-M: Yeah. He doesn't question his instincts, he simply addresses them. One of his flaws is that he tends to assume he's correct. Which is problematic sometimes, but less than you'd think because he usually is.
Dave: Probably why he and Rose normally get on well. They both tend to be blunt and direct.
I-A-M: It's one of those situations where he is usually right, but when he's not it generally ends up either catastrophic or embarassing.
Dave: In this case he’s right, something is wrong.
I-A-M: Sticky is a high-functioning sociopath who understands his flaws and tries to be better. Part of that is because he's married to his partner, Bright Eyes, who's extremely empathetic and acts as a counterbalance. Sticky has no conscience, but he does have an exacting set of standards. To that end, Bright acts as his conscience. Bright Eyes is certain that his husband is a good person deep down, and Sticky deeply wants to prove Bright Eyes correct.
Dave: Rose probably knows most of that; they probably have been co-workers for years. Sticky is able to see Rose starting to slide, and is strongly motivated to stop that, quickly and effectively. If there are a few bruises along the way, it’s a small price to pay.
I-A-M: He doesn't really consider the emotional implications of his actions very effectively. He does consider them, but he's also extremely bad at gauging if he's about to hurt someone emotionally. Worse is that he simply shrugs that kind of injury off as acceptable losses if the alternative to not addressing it would be more dangerous. Whereas Bright Eyes would probably try to find a more tactful route. The key bit is that it's not that there isn't a gentler approach, it's that Sticky simply doesn't bother looking.
Dave: “The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.”
I-A-M: Precisely, and Sticky has a problem with differentiating between 'shortest' and 'best’.
Dave: “If I have to carve a cleft through the mountain, well, that’s the shortest route, so off I go.” Dynamite and steam shovels.
I-A-M: Exactly, lol. Brute force.

Scampy: If we wanted to drive home how uncomfortable [showering together] is, maybe Sunset does try to make a positive comment to make things less uncomfortable, like "You’re really pretty" or something.
Dave: Oh god. “That sounded better in my head.”
Scampy: Wally just completely shuts down, like "No I’m not." and things just go silent again.
Dave: And Sunset feeling doubly awkward because, while she meant the comment as simple encouragement, it could be interpreted in all kinds of unfortunate ways. Especially since I get the impression Sunset [who Katrina Hadley stated is bi] was never closeted.
Scampy: I don’t think Wally takes it as Sunset hitting on her cuz she just sees it as a bold-faced lie to make her feel better, just like every other encouragement Sunset gives her. But Sunset would probably be, like, "Wtf did I just say oh no!”
Dave: Yeah, that was exactly what I was thinking.
Scampy: Cuz in Wally’s mind, she’s not pretty. Like, that’s just an objective fact. So it feels like she’s being lied and pandered to, like Sunset thinks she’s stupid enough to believe something so obviously wrong. Meanwhile Sunset was just trying to break the ice a little.

Scampy: I think the "threat" of Wally being hospitalized, even if it’s absolutely necessary, is what finally pushes Sunset to just play the one card she has left. Sunset knows what [Keel] doesn’t, what’s at the heart of those bad thoughts Wally’s having.
Dave: But nobody else at the clinic has been able to crack that open.
Scampy: Cuz no one else there has magic memory powers. Wally doesn’t even really bring it up, like it’s not in the forefront of her mind.
Dave: And Sunset probably already is having a lot of internal conflict over it.
Scampy: It’s been bouncing around in [Wallflower’s] head for so long that she just accepts it as fact and doesn’t really think about where it came from. Sunset bringing it up would be pretty shocking for Wallflower, honestly—I think after Sunset befriended her, Wally did her best to kinda push that memory to the back of her mind as much as she could.

Dave [posted to a chat channel]: I do have one idea about the final bit: what convinces Sunset Wallflower is in earnest is when the latter tentatively returns the hug instead of just being limp.
Scampy [in private chat]: I saw that note you made in the Wally channel and I agree that’s a really good thing to include.
Dave: That came to me after I realized one of the chapter’s major themes is Wallflower refusing to do much of anything physical.
Scampy: Yeah, like she knows Wally means it because this is the most physical exertion she’s seen her put into anything. That’s a good resolution to that thread.

Scampy: Every time anyone tries to talk to Wallflower about her emotions, Wally is ready with the perfect snappy comeback for whatever they say and just shuts down the conversation. Everyone’s just talking around the problem for fear of upsetting her, and when you’re not direct, that leaves a window for her to be direct in shutting you down. It’s like getting an easy lob in tennis and just smashing the ball as hard as you can. I see the conversation opening the same way a lot of them have, with Sunset trying to ease her way into it and just getting slapped down, but this time she won’t stay down.
Dave: So are you thinking maybe Sunset tries two or three times to ease into it, Wallflower keeps trying to spike her, and finally she gets more direct, at least for an opener?
Scampy: I think Wallflower expects the spike to be the end of the conversation and is a little off guard when Sunset keeps at it. I imagine this conversation less like a fencing match, with deft dances around every reply, and more like a boxing match. All pretense is gone—Wallflower’s sick of it and Sunset doesn’t have time for it, not if it means losing her friend into the throes of some grey, locked-in hospital.
Dave: Make the reader wince a lot, is what you’re saying.
Scampy: Yeah, definitely. I think whenever Sunset pushes back in a way Wally doesn’t have a chambered reply to shut her down with, Wally might just go for straight-up insulting her. She wants Sunset to hate her, after all. Wally’s not dumb—she knows Sunset gets mad easily. Best way to exit this unpleasant conversation is to piss her off.
Dave: Make her storm off in a huff. There’s an interesting angle to this: Wallflower trusts Sunset. She knows no matter how much she pisses Sunset off, Sunset won’t hit her.
Scampy: I don’t think Sunset’s the type for physical violence anymore.
Dave: No, not at all. But I find it interesting Wallflower acts on that knowledge, even if unconsciously.
Scampy: Very true!
Dave: After all, there’s that yearbook photo of Sunset pulling back for a punch, so we know she did resort to it in the bad old days.
Scampy: I have a theory that Wallflower was the one holding the camera in that, but who knows?

Scampy: Canonically, Wally really does serve as this kind of monument to the awful person Sunset used to be—everyone else might have moved on, but that doesn’t mean Sunset’s victims did. This is like the culmination of that idea, Sunset owning up to the worst thing she ever did at CHS, which hurts, and leads to a healing of its own.

Dave: Even Keel expresses mild astonishment at what, for their profession, is a startling turnaround, relatively speaking. Allows me to recap what progress has been made in, say, the last week.
Scampy: Yeah. Wally is no longer fighting the help they’re trying to give her. Even if she still has a long way to go, she’s willing to try, and that’s the most important part.
Dave: Wallflower still is timid and unsure, and even backslides a little occasionally, but sooner or later she struggles out of her shell again. Maybe Even Keel doesn’t know why this has happened. Wallflower hasn’t said. They may suspect Sunset has something to do with it, since almost certainly the turnaround started the day after “Katharsis”, and Keel is easily smart enough to connect the dots.
Scampy: Yeah, I like that.
Dave: Keel would feel no compunction about mentioning that to Rose, though Keel wouldn’t know the whole import. Rose does, though. Maybe Wallflower passes it off with mumbled excuses about “it was time”, “I changed my mind”, stuff like that. It’s lame as hell, but it’s just enough to deflect further prying. Keel might be conflicted. On the one hand, if Sunset did tell Wallflower—well, it worked. On the other, they aren’t sure about what could be construed as divulging information to the client.
Scampy: I think Keel is also just happy to not look a gift horse in the mouth, pardon the pun. Maybe they even say that and Rose holds down a chuckle.
Dave: Especially since Wallflower has been a difficult case. Whatever manages to make it easier without doing more damage elsewhere is good. But I like the way this creates a connection to the second scene of meeting with Sunset. Maybe even lead off with Rose asking a singsong, “So what did you do?” And Sunset giving her a deer-in-headlights look. “I—I dunno what you mean!”
Scampy: lmao I like that. “Whatever it is, keep it up.”
Dave: Should we have Sunset confess to Rose? I don’t think she would to anyone else, but she might to Rose. If we do . . . that could be interesting, especially considering Rose’s state of mind at the moment.
Scampy: I don’t think it’s really something that’s a "confession”. It’s not like she did something wrong.
Dave: Well, true, but she did break a promise originally. She knows how seriously Rose takes promises—and after all, in “Exeunt” Rose even advised her against using the pendant.
Scampy: Yeah, fair.
Dave: So I imagine her being kind of sheepish about it. And maybe being surprised when Rose’s response is “all’s well that ends well; just don’t make a habit of it.” That wasn’t what she expected at all. She expected Rose to rake her over the coals for breaking a promise. Now, even at the best of times Rose is a pragmatic sort, but we already have established Sunset can exaggerate things in her own mind.
Scampy: Definitely, especially something like this.

I-A-M: Sticky is invested in Rose's well-being because of what he feels he owes her, and because he knows that she's actively making the world a better place, but that will change if she burns herself out completely. “You're still doing it. You're still burning at both ends. Every day you're shaving off more of yourself, less of a person and more of a purpose. You're not in the [Army] anymore, Rose; you're not a weapon, you're a healer.”
I-A-M: [Sticky:] “Why do you think I stayed with Bright?”
[Rose:] “Because you know he wouldn't leave you alone even if you caught a red-eye to Timbuktu?”
[Sticky:] “Well, that aside, yes, but I mean more specifically it's because without him I . . . lose myself. It's easy to forget how other people feel without him around, too easy for my work to become just a job.”

I-A-M: So it's about pushing Rose onto that path of considering returning to uniform again, maybe?
Dave: I hadn’t considered that as a question. Rose is on the permanent disability list. If I understand correctly, that basically means she’s not eligible for active duty except under the most extraordinary circumstances. However, Sticky probably doesn’t know that, so it would be completely in character for him to ask. It gives Rose the chance to explain to Sticky—and to the reader. So that is an excellent idea, especially under the heading of “exploring options”. “So what are you going to do, Rose?”
I-A-M: Which leads her to confronting her own indecision and loss of direction. The words "I don't know" coming from a career soldier mean a lot. I like where this is going. We get to see a side of Rose that she actively hides, or rather, buries.
Dave: Yeah, both. Rose may come close to breaking down in front of Sticky. Am I correct that Sticky would be genuinely shocked?
I-A-M: Yeah. Sticky is brilliant, but like I said, he isn't used to being caught off-guard. He's used to being correct and having read people right. His view of Rose is skewed, though, because he admires her so much. Seeing her fracture would shake him.
Dave: So his shock is due partly to Rose being farther in a crack than he thought, and that he missed that. Then when she almost breaks down, that would compound it.
I-A-M: Rose probably wouldn't have heard this from anyone but Sticky, but a big part of that is because Sticky . . . might be her only friend. That's kind of sad.
Dave: I tried to hint at that during the third scene, when she’s alone in her tiny little studio apartment.
I-A-M: That's what led me to that conclusion, actually. Sticky is the only one bullish enough to push through the wall of military machismo burying Rose's feelings, while still being matter-of-fact enough that she doesn't take it personally.

I-A-M: It's a good conflict, and a powerful one.
Dave: Especially since Sticky wouldn’t have an immediate answer either. So the scene ends . . . unresolved. I can imagine Sticky approaching it with his usual confidence, only to find out oof. One of the few times he might be speechless?
I-A-M: Probably, lol. Sticky getting ready to try and help Rose, stepping into her mental living space and then just, like, so much worse than he thought.
Dave: The funny thing is, until not long ago, things were fine. Then Wallflower. It’s kind of falling apart.
I-A-M: But the important point to make would be that it would have happened eventually. Sticky, I think, would point it out bluntly. Eventually, she would have collapsed under the strain. Wallflower just brought it out sooner rather than later because Rose was confronted with someone who had just sort of given up to the wear and tear of existence. But where Wally had done it loudly and obviously, Rose was doing the same thing in slow motion and quieter.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

“If I have to carve a cleft through the mountain, well, that’s the shortest route, so off I go.” Dynamite and steam shovels.

Ha! I was going to make this joke, but you beat me to it.

Another fascinating look behind the scenes. Thank you for it.