Why Legends v1 Is Flawed

With the rewrite underway, I feel that it is finally time to talk about Legends v1 in depth, hopefully for the last time. So if you're sick of hearing me talk about this, I assure you that this may be my final time doing so. This post contains discussions of depression and suicide, the latter I will be talking about a lot. If this would upset you or put you in a bad place, just don't read this. Also if you did like the story, you can read, be be warned that I will be picking it apart bit by bit.

Let's get started.

The Plot

So, the story starts with Twilight visiting Applejack’s grave and reflecting on the day she died 500 years ago (tbh the Applejack flashback is probably the only thing in there that was handled well). She then remembers when Celestia caught her cutting herself. She then walks into town where they are celebrating 'Elements Appreciation Day'. Where ponies are making up various lies about the elemental bearers. One foal even drew a picture of the bearers, which Twilight picks apart everything wrong with it like a 19 year old tumblr girl. Then she exclaims her death wish right outside her door, and somehow nopony hears it. Then someone hands her a book called the 'Legend of the Elements of Harmony', which puts her over the top and she jumps to her death.

What the hell was I smoking?

I don't mean to make light of this, and I'm not going to, but I already did. I mean, coming from personal experience I can understand why people could like this. People like to find comfort in characters they can relate to in some way. And this doesn't make them flawed or bad people, or even that they have bad taste. This is by far not the worst fic about suicide/depression on this site. But that doesn't make this ok, and let's discuss why.

The Problem

Go read it after you're done with this. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/342991/the-problem

Ok but Legends tho.

This story lacks emotional depth so much that its on a two dimensional plane. Like seriously, the day that I wrote this I spent the whole day sitting at my desk listening to sad teen angst songs to get into the 'right mindset' and it shows. Like, I really should have gone in deeper on how depression truely affects sufferers and their loved ones instead of borderline romanticizing it. And it's mostly told in flashbacks, which is an odd choice that I still can't figure out why I went with. I think I did the same thing for SSB. I'm pretty sure I did it to pad out length without adding filler. I'm not sure how it worked out for SSB, but for Legends I don't think it did. There's just, not enough story. Have you ever seen that 'very young small early peas' meme? That's basically this story. It shows what it's about, but wastes ink in doing so.

And the actual suicide...

Writing wise, this is the peak of the story (if you don't count "They were not LEGENDS"). But it's pretty much 5 sentences long, 3 of those sentences being in a letter. It's just, no. It feels forced and impersonal.

13 reasons why did it better. And that show is a literary disaster.

If you want a good show about mental health issues, go watch Bojack Horseman.

Tldr This story romanticizes depression and suicide and isn't even well structured to do that right.

The Rewrite

Yes, this story is currently being rewritten. Yes the original version is going away after its published. I'm going to put it in an unpublished chapter that you can view with a password. I'll definitely put the password in author notes. ( I'd like to thank Firesight for this idea).
(Also go read Unleash the Magic-Midnight Rising. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to link that since it's Mature but go check it out!)

I'll be posting excerpts of the rewrite and tagging this story, so you guys can follow along. I'll also be posting a link to this blog in the comments.

I really want to forget that I ever did this. I'll come back to this of I think of anything to add, but I do not want to talk about this again. If you like it, that's totally fine. I'm taking it down because I personally do not want the ideas presented in that story linked to my name. It's going to stay up completely for now, but we'll have to see what the future holds.

I think that's about it.

Positive vibes!