fJd Review: Angel In The Snow by Golden Fan Ryu Shenron · 5:10pm Nov 2nd, 2020
[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]
Overview:
A rather long poem written in the form of a limerick. Impressive both in length, and maintaining flow.
My Thoughts:
Of course, I found myself thinking of this…
[ember]https://youtu.be/do6RDSwaWek
Well, I went into this expecting prose. Instead, I found a center-aligned poem in italics flowing down FIMFIC. Actually, this wasn’t disappointing. It was confusing, at first. I thought perhaps it was an introductory segment, a little Segway into the meat of the story, but, no, the poem was all.
That is not a bad thing. Although the poem has its own little issues every now and again, such as superfluous words or wrong words, and at times it feels as though the meaning is sacrificed to preserve the rhyming scheme, otherwise the meter is thrown off, though not so badly as to interrupt the flow. I had to stop and research at one point, a term I didn’t understand had come up.
The intensity of tone increases steadily, not abruptly, and really brings out the darkness of the events being written about in this poem. A genuinely lovely piece of poetry, a pleasant surprise honestly. The darkness and sadness of Luna’s fall, the hurt, the promise, it’s all well done and did evoke real emotion in me. Bravo.
Characterization:
There isn’t much, because the characters are largely explained in more abstract qualities with the emotional intensity doing more of the talking than actual actions. The result is a narrative that is interwoven in thought provoking imagery, creating a story that sort of gently prods the reader rather than crashing into their face.
Character Development:
The main character, she’s the one to really develop. She overcomes insecurities, creates beauty, and captures the attention of one of the princesses. Time passes, her heart breaks, and the reader is invited to feel all of it and experience all of it.
Theme:
Overcoming Adversity. Sorrow. Pain. Joy. Finding Strength. Making a Friend. Keeping a Promise. This poem, for that is what this is, makes a valiant effort to convey all of these things into a cohesive abstract. Brilliant work there, I felt all of it.
Logic:
It’s not really relevant here. Everything works with everything else near as I can tell.
Rating:
Story Idea: 9.0
(Feels warm and fuzzy, I love it.)
Writing Style: 8.0
(Poems aren’t for everyone, and not everyone is looking for them. It’s a nice surprise, and a little polish is needed for the rough edges throughout the work.)
Entertainment Factor: 9.0
(I was caught, and I kept reading, and it was well worth it.)
Inner Logic: 8.0
(I don’t have any gripes about logic to place here.)
Final: 8.5
Feedback/Final Thoughts:
As I said, a bit of polish is needed. There’s rough bits, points where the meter is thrown off, just little things like that. It’s a beautiful poem though. I really enjoyed reading it.
