fJd Review: TALES OF THE DESERT RAT by anarchywolf18 · 5:06pm Nov 2nd, 2020
Overview:
Something of a western, something of a wasteland/dark horror type story.
My Thoughts:
As far as the concept goes, this isn’t bad. How this manages to have a T-rating with the level of gore described within it beyond me. It’s rough, and it needs quite a bit of polish, searching out where line breaks are needed and adding more show than tell in the narrative.
In the end, I kept reading. I wanted to. I initially felt like the protagonist with a gary stu, but I think one can be forgiven for that in a western-style setting like this, but also he’s got some actual depth, and he’s not better or more morally sound than the good guys. It’s a largely OC cast, and they’re a fairly rich cast of characters too.
Not even all ponies, there’s a Abyssinian in there too.
This story is not complete, and hasn’t seen an update in over a year. Hopefully that’ll change soon. It’s worth continuing.
Characterization:
It’s largely OCs, with the exception of Mage Meadowbrook who retains her equinity as a healer, and has a distaste for violence. Which makes her fairly unique in the setting, since nocreature else seems to have any problem with violence.
The protagonist is “Desert Rat” who is a rather strong lead in the vein of characters like Jack Reacher. He has a not fully explored set of skills, and a slightly delved into background that suggests he was a soldier of some sort. He’s rather asocial, not being very personable or getting along well with others.
Still, an interesting character that I found myself a little more intrigued by as time went on and I continued to read.
The villains are positively reprehensible, and I found myself cheering at their disposal.
Character Development:
It’s not so much development as it is being brought further in to the secret of this character’s past. Unfortunately, this story has only 4 chapters so that hasn’t had a chance to really thrive yet.
Theme:
Antihero, redemption, or violence solves everything. It’s hard to pinpint a theme in a setting like this, particularly when the story hasn’t progressed so far as to offer much insight into that. For now, it’s a gun for hire with a mysterious past who has a moral compass.
Logic:
Little tricky with this, too. Given that this setting is dark, and violent, the fact that the character turns to violence is not surprising. Given how violent other characters are, as well.
Rating:
Story Idea: 7.5
(It doesn’t feel like much more than a stream-of-consciousness play at the moment, but it does play well for that.)
Writing Style: 6.0
(It’s pretty rough and coarse throughout, needs quite a bit of polish to shine properly. Imagery is pretty vivid when it comes to violence, but scenes aren’t well set and so a reader had to sort of fudge the setting in their heads as the characters interact with it.)
Entertainment Factor: 8.0
(It’s violent, action-packed, and the choreography isn’t terribly. It could be fleshed out more, and like the settings, narrated more vividly, but still, the characters and the action keep this from being boring.
Inner Logic: 8.0
Violence is addressed with violence in this setting, it’s how it is. Safe to say it’s an A.U., although given Mage Meadowbrook is from a bygone era, how guns manage to find their way into her world is what intrigues me the most.
Final: 7.38
Feedback/Final Thoughts:
It’s rough, incomplete, and I’m not convinced the T-Rating is appropriate for the level of gore found inside.
A little polish, a pre-reader, and some better structure would do this story a world of good. Of course, that’s if it is ever resumed.
