Techie's SPICY Smokin' Toasted Self-Roasted Reviews #46: [Luna and Sunset Shimmer Fix the Dreamscape with Shamwow and Flex Tape!]! · 5:21am Oct 16th, 2020
Ayyy, another meme story!
WARNINGS: Shamwow and Flex Tape worship, memes, Bob Ross references, possession by the deity of Flex Tape, dabbing, raw and unedited word barf, and bad fanfiction.
Ya got that right. There's so much bad fanfiction here.
Luna frowned, her captive audience falling through the bottomless void in the dreamscape.
"COME BACK!" she hollered in her Royal Canterlot VoiceTM, "WE HAVEN'T EVEN SHOWN YOU HOW IT WORKS UNDERWATER YET!"
*insert massive numbers of "Player fell out of the world" death messages here*
"You're referring to yourself with plurals again."
hmm
Moments later, Luna and Sunset materialized straight into a dumpster just outside of Luna's window. Naturally, a sickening crunch rang out in their ears as they landed on heaps upon heaps of empty Dorito bags and broken headsets. And a few equally-broken desks as well... Okay, more than a few.
Luna is the chad we never knew we needed.
"How are we gonna fix the dreamscape?!" Luna panicked, shaking Sunset's limp body with her hooves, "HOW?! Celly's gonna banish me if she finds out that I broke dreaming!"
"Shamwow."
"Excuse you."
And roll the credits!
Sunset Shimmer held up a damp Shamwow cloth, still moist with Luna's sweat. A smirk grew across her face as she draped the oversized, extra-absorbant cloth over her head. A single word emanated from underneath the cloth.
"Shimwow."
Luna snatched the cloth from Sunset, leaving a sad Shamwow salesmare in her place.
Truly the saddest moment in Equestrian history.
"HELP! I'M BEING CARRIED AWAY BY THE CURRENTS OF SOMEPONY'S BAD FANFICTION!"
Y'know, this story actually seems to reflect my thoughts when re-reading my own crap quite well.
"Wow," Luna noted, staring at Sunset, "That's a lotta Shamwow for a single Shimmer."
This one line used up all my good writing skills juice for the rest of the year.
The first piece of Flex Tape that touched the dreamscape was said to have brought to fruition the wishes of every Make-A-Wish foal to ever have dreamt.
Man. Can I have some of that flex tape?
"Show me the leaks."
Sunset raised a brow but nevertheless complied, teleporting the entire Wikileaks server onto the ship, followed by more than enough leeks to feed all the starving children.
"No, no, the leaks!"
"Yeah," Sunset gestured a hoof towards the whirring server, "there they are. You wanna find out who Celestia's secret child is with me?"
"What, wha--"
*CONSPIRACY THEORIES INTENSIFY*
Down and down she went, the Shamwow absorbing anything and everything it encountered as it continued falling, the Flex Tape and Seal binding the Princess to the cloth all the way. Sunset could only watch in horror as Luna fell out of the dreamscape.
CLUNK.
CANTERLOT CASTLE ROOFTOP GO BOOM. CASTLE KITCHEN GO BOOM. CELESTIA'S CAKE GO BOOM. SHAMWOW EAT RUBBLE.
Looks like we broke reality again, boys! Somebody grab a mop!
Sunset smirked, tossing an enchanted Shamwow cloth at the Flex Seal on Luna's hooves. A loud slurping sound echoed through the destroyed kitchen as the Shamwow absorbed the Flex Seal, therefore turning it into FLEXISHAMSEAL, THE REVOLUTIONARY NEW PRODUCT THAT ALL PONIES NEED IN THEIR HOME! IT WILL REPLACE YOUR PAPER TOWELS, YOUR BATHROOM TOWELS, YOUR SCREEN WIPES, YOUR DUCT TAPE, AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN! ONLY NEED A STRIP OF TAPE? CUT A PIECE OFF THE FLEXISHAMSEAL! IT'LL STICK TO ANYTHING, AND SOAK UP THE WATER WHILE IT'S AT IT! YOUR TABLE'S FULL OF CRUMBS? USE A FLEXISHAMSEAL CLOTH FOR YOUR TABLECLOTH! OUR PATENTED ENCHANTO-WOW TECHNOLOGY ALLOWS THE FLEXISHAMSEAL TO SIMPLY ABSORB ANY CRUMBS THAT DROP ON IT! BEST OF ALL, WHEN YOU'RE DONE, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS THROW IT IN THE WASH! THE BINDING FLEX SEAL THAT'S INTERMESHED WITH THE CLASSIC SHAMWOW CLOTH GUARANTEES THAT IT'LL HOLD FOR PRACTICALLY FOREVER! BUY YOUR FLEXISHAMSEAL NOW, AND YOU'LL GET A SECOND SET, FREE! YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT, FREE! AT ONLY 19.95 FOR NOT ONE, BUT TWO SETS, THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WON'T BE AROUND FOR LONG! BUY ONE NOW, WHILE STOCKS LAST!
I think this is the story that started my lil' trope of inserting increasingly ridiculous ad breaks into my trollfics.
Heresy, this fic was awesome!