Ten · 1:53am Oct 10th, 2020
Exactly ten years ago today the first episode of MLP officially aired. Two days ago I finally finished watching the show. Linkin Park re-released Hybrid Theory for its 20th anniversary.
God, I’m getting old.
Let’s all take a step back and reminisce: where were you ten years ago? Probably not where you are right now.
Life changes all the time, but at times it may seem like nothing really happens on a day-to-day basis. Without looking at the grander picture you’ll almost certainly overlook that huge life changes happen as a sum of many small ones over a large period of time.
Then, one day, you may take a shower and this realization hits you. Ten years passed. That former self of you literally doesn’t exist anymore, biologically speaking. A quick slideshow of some big highlights flashes by, both positive and negative. Advancing or even finishing education, moving on in the career ladder! But of course, also defeats and lost ones or friends left behind.
For me, this train of thought didn't come out of nowhere. I dropped out of the MLP scene in 2016, roughly at the beginning of Season 6. Burn-out, unacceptance for the direction the show was headed, but mostly also because I just had grown out of ponies. They were a vessel, an outlet, for escapism. I would certainly not be the only one falling into that category. Stopped watching, stopped reading, obviously stopped writing.
And yet that itch has never been truly put aside, it just got buried, ready to be dug out again when a distant call for nostalgia shouted out.
That happened in May this year, amidst the height of the COVID-19 crisis. But it wasn’t just the virus, that merely amplified the circumstances I found myself in.
When I stopped watching I was still very much a junior in uni. Not exactly a freshman anymore, but still young enough to build the railroads ahead with seemingly limitless freedom. Now, in 2020, I’ve finished my degree, started a rather well-paid full-time job, moved into my own apartment, bought my own car. These days, instead of worrying about school reports and video games, I pay my own bills and I buy my own tacky nonsense to put up my walls. Because I can.
Meanwhile in 2013, when I started watching the show? Sitting in my childhood room, playing TF2, and just getting the first hit of testosterone to spawn a bit of stubble on my cheeks. Here’s a solemn vow I’ll never shave off my beard, those were dark ages.
I look back at these times with mixed feelings. Sure, we all went through changes in attitude and cringe at our past mistakes and questionable decisions. But there was also a bit of youthful innocence laid aside since then.
This is where rewatching and ultimately finishing MLP comes in. When I moved out and had buzz all to do due to the virus, it seemed like a fun idea to occupy my evenings for the coming months by going through all 200+ episodes and movies again (or for the first time). And it was fun! Great fun, in fact. So much fun that at one point the realization that it, too, already has its end set in stone.
And that day came. MLP’s final episode is a Dénouement Episode and tackles the only logical life lesson for such an episode: coming of age, letting go, reminiscing the past, moving on in life. Full on “Don’t be sad because it’s over, be glad because it happened”–style.
Yeah, I’ll bite. When the credits rolled, I cried like a baby. Waterfall, whimsical sobbing, paralysis of any rational thought. It was all I could think about for the entire day following; it took until now to even get the spark back to vent about it. And it was the most ambivalent of emotions: was I happy-sad or sad-sad?
Now just being here and having a calmer mind writing about this, it was probably a mix of both. Sad, naturally, because I knew my evening occupation has come to an end and that I won’t get that exciting thought of the next episode to wait for me, but also happy.
After all, you can’t mourn for something if you didn’t attach your heart to it somewhat. And it doesn’t even have to be limited to the actual media.
Without that doubtful click on the first episode all these years ago, my life would’ve branched into a completely different territory. But thanks to it, I landed on this site. I built confidence in my written voice, which granted me the greatest tool a non-native English speaker could have: making some of my best friends, breaking any language barrier.
Getting your friends to laugh at your crappy jokes feels good enough. But getting someone to laugh in a language you couldn’t even properly speak ten years ago? Still the biggest rush of dopamine there is.
So, all things considered, speaking in terms of bittersweetness, it definitely inched more towards the sweet than the bitter side.
The reminder of how terribly fragile the status quo is, it always seems daunting. You’re afraid you’ll never experience the same level of emotions again, dare I call it happiness. The rational mind tells you that, no, this is stupid, of course, you will. But your emotional side ain’t having none of it. You peaked at joy and it’s all downhill from here.
But it’s a passing feeling and acts as a silver lining of sorts. Once you digest the initial flood of emotions and let the brain take care of itself by filtering out the negative thoughts, you’re left to marvel and take pride in the good things it brought you. In a way, Post-Series Depression turns into Post-Series Epiphany afterward.
Ponies may be over, the golden age is far behind us. But we can always take the time to fondly look back, think of the good times it brought, and give a mental toast:
Here’s to another decade.
I didn't originally intend to post this, but halfway through writing it turned from a simple stream-of-conscious dumpster into a therapeutic venting tool and it felt like I was trying to make a point here. Not sure if there actually is any, but it felt right to release. Hope you got at least something out of it.
5374805
Thank you so much for posting it. Your personal timeline and mine share just enough uncanny similarity to give this post some extra resonance. I also stopped watching in early season 6, and while I wasn't able to in quarantine, I look forward to undertaking a similar catch-up project at some point.
As someone who remembers you with happiness and still regards you as a friend if an absent one. I very much agree!
To another ten years.
5374812
Definitely do it! I can't pinpoint exactly what it is, but Season 6 felt like too much of a narrative style change. It really picks up during Season 7 again. In my case I wish I hadn't stopped watching altogether, after the fact.
5374950
Aww, that was sweet, thank you! I remember that changeling fic of yours I briefly edited for a chapter years ago. You've also come a very long way since then!
5374805
I'm glad you posted it. It's nice to know you're still around, and even watching the show! I empathize with a lot of your thoughts. I can't imagine where I'd be if not for a little bit of pony.
5375594
Glad to know you're also still sticking around! Yeah, some things eventually catch up to one, watching the show seemed inevitable.