Guess What Guys?! · 8:04am Dec 3rd, 2019
Hey there fimfiction fam!
It's been a little over a week since we last talked. I'm still writing for glee at the moment (And I'm on a serious writing kick for that fandom, y'all. I've written 38,361 words in stories for that fandom in a period of 11 days so I am for real slaying it) so I'm sorry if y'all thought this was an "I'm back" kinda post (I eventually will be, I promise).
No, today's post is of the good news variety. I'm happy and so excited to share with you guys that my Aunt is flying my mom and I to Pensacola for Christmas!
Yes, you heard it here first, folks. I'm going to Pensacola! Not to stay (unfortunately) but just getting to go out there and see where I want to go is so exciting. I'm hopeful that maybe my luck will change and somehow, by the grace of God, I'll be able to stay. I really have no idea how that kind of good fortune would come upon me, but I can dream, can't I?
In any event, I'm SUPER excited. I haven't seen my aunt, uncle, and two cousins in five years. They moved from my state to Indiana, and then to Pensacola after that and haven't been back since. We used to spend all the major holidays (New Year's, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays) together. They were such a huge part of my life growing up and I honestly can't wait to see them again!
I'm kinda nervous about it too, in a way. Like obviously I really wanna stay in Pensacola, and I keep thinking about how I might feel on the day when I have to go back home. I kinda equate the feeling to a prisoner seeing a way out of jail, and just before they hit the exit they get tackled by a guard and don't get out. A taste of freedom, and then back in the cell. The last time I was in Florida (visiting my baby girl in May, for those of you who follow me) I seriously considered just straight up not going home. I think that feeling will be even stronger this time, you know? Because this is the place I wanted to go in all my dreams for all this time. I tried so hard to work and make that dream happen, but as you guys know it didn't work out. For those of you who don't, it was because I started a job as a debt collector and was working ten hour shifts, and it just got to the point where I had a mental breakdown and had to quit.
I can't stop thinking about the fact that I couldn't hack it. Like, when I got that job, it was supposed to be the ticket out. Like, work for a while at this job and get the hell outta dodge type thing. But the fact that I couldn't hack it, it was really devastating in a way. Like it felt like the dream had died. I'm not working right now (because I'm trying to take the time to recover like I should and all) and It's kinda scary to think that I might not be able to get another job because the workload is just... too much, you know?
I think the only job I'm really good at is writing for other people. I mean, that's how I earned my way to Florida the last time. But there's no way I'm gonna be able to raise 20K that way. I mean, it's just not realistic. And since I'm not a published author, or working on my own novel (I mean, I did start one, but I abandoned it because the muse just went away), there's no royalty check coming my way or anything. I have no idea how I'm gonna get there in the end. All I really know is how much I want to be there. I want to throw the shackles of my prison off and just get to freedom.
I'm rambling, I know. I really am so excited to go, but I'm already sad to leave. It's like missing somebody who's died but they haven't actually died yet. It's a confusing feeling. The most I can really do at this point is hope for some kind of miracle.
Anyways, If y'all are looking for my latest works, check out my AO3 page for my latest glee works. And my fanfiction page is the same user handle if you're looking for other fandoms I've written for.
Happy holidays everyone!
Much Love,
Cloe
All the best to you!
Enjoy it!
Have fun!!!!