Techie's SPICY Smokin' Toasted Self-Roasted Reviews #35: [I Think I Summoned a Ponk: The Arrival of Derp]! · 8:07am Nov 10th, 2019
Oof, ouch, a failed reboot.
Not much else to say, let's get started. I wanna spotlight some OCs and get back to writing horsewords.
“Go back to sleep, Pinkie.” I groaned. It was a Saturday, and on days like these, sleep was golden.
I stand by this as fact.
I cracked an eye ope--
Well geez, that sure sounds like it hurt. Do you want some tape? Oh! I got superglue!
What-- no. Please get out of my head for now, Pinkie. Who’s the new girl, anyways?
Okies! I’ve just ba-”-arely pulled Derpy from your backpack. She said she wanted muffins.”
Ah, the new character, and the story's namesake new arrival.
Pinkie shrugged, and moments later, a loud sucking sound, followed by the visible draining of muffins began to occur. Soon enough, the room was once again muffin-free. (That is, if you don’t count the one Derpy’s still holding.)
And already, the story's going downhill.
"THE POWER OF MUFFINS COMPELS YOU!"
Ok.
...Wait, that was all a dream?
Leave the life dreams to Dashie. That was real!
Meta reference!
"Didn't you read the lines? I mashed the timelines together because if I didn't then there'd be two of everything!" Pinkie replied, dousing her flaming mane with a nearby garden hose from who-knows-where.
"What." I deadpanned as per usual, "Are. You. Even. Talking. About?"
^My reaction to this entire story as a whole. I wrote this story entirely because I wanted to try and bring back the old Ponk story before it got killed by Equestria Forever, but at this point I pretty much realized that the kind of slapstick humor I was trying to shoehorn in was getting tiring. The story doesn't really get any better anywhere within the story. It's just kinda... eh.
"WHERE ARE THEY?!" Twilight screamed as Cybernetically-Enhanced Tirekicorn lumbered through Ponyville, "PINKIE, I SWEAR, IF YOU TOOK THEM AGAIN, I'LL PERSONALLY BANISH YOU TO TARTARUS!"
"Woah." said the aforementioned Cyberneticaly-Enhanced Tirekicorn, grabbing the tiny Twilight by the scruff of her neck, "Evil enchanteress, I'm guessing?"
Definitely-not-an-evil-enchanteress-of-the-dark-arts-Twilight scowled deeply at the vailiant protector of Equestria.
"Meh." Tirek continued, flicking the pony into a nearby conveniently located opened pony-sized cage flanked by guards, "Take her to Celestina, guys."
That's actually a pretty interesting potential AU.
Ignore the typos.
I see... Derpy... firing muffin stun-grenades?
"Stand back, uh-- whatever you are!" one of the officers yelled towards the head of the Derpy-Muffin-Bot-Thingy, before being "booped" (complete with sound effects) by a large, disembodied floating hand made of muffins.
Honestly, this story makes including derpy in a fanfic seem like a bad thing, simply out of how forced every scene seems to feel.
"CHILD FRIENDLY!" both Pinkies screamed, simultaneously slapping past-me.
Double the Pinkies, double the slaps, I guess.
Gonna cut this short 'cause nearly an hour and a half has passed since I started this blog and I don't want to spend the time to keep rereading. Rest of the story is pretty much the same.
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