Techie's SPICY Smokin' Toasted Self-Roasted Reviews #30: [Twilight's a thief, because who gives a crap about logic?]! · 4:25am Nov 4th, 2019
Story rewrite time!
“On the Structure of Hats: A Retrospective”
It's another game of "what's Twilight reading"!
“Twilight?” she began again, her voice mildly raspy from her seemingly endless talk about hats earlier on, “Would you care to tell why the Sacred Totem of Amazingly Rad Epicness is… how would one put it… underneath your plot?”
Twilight looked up from her book. “Oh, are you talking about the S.T.A.R.E. statue? I really thought that you were talking about the Arid Modem o’ Crazily Mad Nostrilhairs.”
🤔
“Yup.” Twilight chirped calmly, “I stole one of Equestria’s most prized relics to use as a butt-holder, committed treason against the crown, ‘accidentally’ left Spike alone in the Crystal Caverns, and bought some tea.”
Tea is now treason in Equestria.
Frowning, Twilight replied, “Alright, so first of all, Equestria, as far as I know, has never had a prisoner held for more than a couple years.” She paused for a moment, toying with her empty teacup. “Second of all, visitors are allowed, so I’ll still be able to see you guys pretty often. And third of all, does Spike really even matter anymore? I mean, he’s probably having the time of his life with all those crystals.”
Twilight logics her way out
“Yoooooo…” Spike said as he lay on the half-eaten floor of the third cavern, “These crystals are like… staring into those pots of rainbows”
Spike is higher than the sky.
Just then, the crystal statue chuckled, before bursting into hysteric laughter as Celestia dropped her disguise. “Y’ALL ARE FOOLS!” she howled with tears rolling down her face, “How didn’t you notice that I was missing that entire time? Or how the scroll came in from the left window instead of the right window when I sent it?”
Classic trollestia
Rarity promptly passed out on her fainting couch, and Spike… Spike proceeded to barf rainbows for the next week and a half.
RAINBOW.
"Ponyville." Twilight simply replied, "There's always a disaster there anyways."
Celestia's statue nodded in amusement. "True, true." She mused, "And I suppose that we shall be its next disaster?"
Approximately 2.47591 seconds later, Spike got booped on the nose with an Extra-long Metal Stick.
Ah yes, the return of the Extra-Long Metal Stick™.
Instead of the beastly ghoul he had expected to see before him, he found himself face-to-face with two statues vaguely resembling the form of his caretaker, and Princess Celestia. Confused, Spike rubbed his eyes in attempt to clear his vision, thinking that it might've been an artifact of his recently awaken slumber.
The only problem was, after he took his claws off his eyes, the statues were... different, so to say. They weren't completely changed or anything, but they were clearly in different positions. The Twilight statue was now directly beside him with a diabolical smirk plastered across its face, and as for the Celestia statue, it was now wearing a banana suit.
Don't blink, Spike!
Also, Ponyville was flooded with rainbows the next day due to Spike's horrid nausea from jumping out the window, so that happened.
You have now reached the end of the story. Please take care to remember to re-enable your logical brain functions, and don't forget to smile!
ok.
daz all.
You forgot to mention that Celestia turned temporarily southern