Just your average gaming geek/college student. I study computer science, play pathfinder, and write stories, and have a patreon!
Next is about ready too! Just need to edit it!
Not much to say about this one right now, mainly because I finished it late last night, and I'm posting this at work on my phone. At any rate, let me know what you guys think, and I'll try to get it edited and posted before the day''s out. Toodles!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Looking good. Keep it up
Hype!
I'd honestly forgotten about the aurora. Thanks for not forgetting it. The chapter itself is publishable, but...not a whole lot really happens here, though, besides that reveal. We've been waiting for Alex and the ponies to trust Akitesh and Hazalk for half the previous story and all of this one; seeing that they need to work together doesn't need a big explanation, when all parties involved at this point have been shown its necessity. We don't learn anything about Akitesh or Hazalk in their interactions, either, which made them interesting previously. And why not simply brief Akitesh and Hazalk at the war council, along with everyone else, about the defence plans, and what Luna saw, rather than taking them separately to talk about something that we, the audience, already know about? That would show trust to the aliens, allow everyone to understand the current status and scope of the omniscope, and allow more tightly-packed exposition- everything in this chapter, plus more. It doesn't help that we don't know why they're being moved to be told this, rather than simply being informed in the throne room.
The chapter is already written, and really not too bad, so I'd recommend publishing it, but- for any rewrites- I'd also recommend removing or shortening the first section.
EDIT: On second reading, that final section with the aurora is still worrying.
5072730 In what way is it worrying? The way I presented it, or is it that the reveal has you worried for the future?
5072736
Worried for the future events in the story, sorry. Ominous was the word I was looking for.
I'm honestly just more concerned about the climax being pushed off for more scenes and worldbuilding. I do like worldbuilding, but it can get in the way of the plot, and when serial authors- of which you are one- can keep pushing off major plot events, and then the story dies, incomplete.
It also occurs to me that having Akitesh tell the war council that there are reinforcments on the way, then having them turn up dead, may have made that second scene more effective as well. Revealing and breaking hope.