Random Ramblings CCCXLIII · 7:46am Dec 23rd, 2018
IN WHICH I CAN BARELY FUNCTION
It's the middle of the night, two days before Christmas. Have some more Vince Guaraldi.
This song is the perfect blend of happy lyrics (but this is the instrumental) and melancholy melody befitting the holiday.
As to the story I abandoned three years ago, I now have the first five chapters "locked in" -- their word counts are set and I think they've been cleaned up enough to publish. However, I won't start (re)uploading until I've edited the last four chapters.
I should have had this done already, but I've barely had any drive to do anything on the writing front.
I tried my hand at editing subtitles but accidentally broke the program I was using (it hasn't been updated in over four years and much of its site is dead, so no point in trying to submit a bug report), so that's on hold until I can find a better program or finally get a desktop PC in addition to the Mac laptops I normally use.
Maybe my brain is just slowing down as I reach my mid-30s. The ideas don't come like they used to. Even when they do come, I have no desire to do anything about it.
Friday night I took my mother out for a Christmas dinner -- she spent so much on gifts for me (and bought her own Xmas gift "from me": a record player) while I just bought her a calendar, so I needed to even the score. She has…
- Bought me a new grill (joint present with my dad)
- Paid to have my bicycle fixed
- Paid for leaf removal (a big deal on my heavily wooded property)
- Made red velvet cinnamon rolls
After that, we went to see the lights on the city square just a couple miles from my home. Always beautiful. The city parks & rec department hangs over a million lights around the square. The local university one hill away also outlines its iconic main hall (built 1875) in lights.
I also introduced my mother to the local indie record store. She was very interested, but wouldn't commit to buying anything until she gets her record collection back. It's at my dad's.
I'm going to go to my dad's on Christmas morning like I always do, but I'm not looking forward to it. I'm certain he's gone back on the bottle, though so far it hasn't interfered with his work. Problem is his body can't take it. I know it; he knows it (or should). Nagging him doesn't work. I'm not sure if it was his decision alone or if his cunt-wife (who no longer lives with him) enabled it just like she enabled all his other bad habits. He was able to go off smoking cold-turkey. I'm not sure why alcohol is so much more difficult. Maybe it's the family history.
If he keeps this up, he's not going to live much longer. Hopefully before he croaks I can intervene to make sure cunt-wife doesn't get any family assets that should rightfully be mine. Yes, it's partly greed and partly malice. I never said I was a saint, and I've made no secret of my ability to hold a grudge for decades.
I don't have much room to pass judgement because I occasionally have a nip of the demon liquor even though I take medication that says in big bold letters "Do Not Drink Alcohol". Usually I mix drugs when I hate myself and want to sleep. Thing is I almost never drink enough to get even tipsy. Speaking of which, I should probably have myself a glass of eggnog with a shot of bourbon. Mostly to get rid of the nog before it turns.
I haven't eaten in twelve hours. So I'ma do that too. What to watch while I eat? Sakura Gakuin, I suppose. Those girls help temporarily push away the clouds that are my depressing existence. Yes I miss my ex-GF. I miss everyone.
I can't off myself just yet. While I did confirm my investments (which are set to lose a lot of value, thanks Trump you dumb fuck) are in order, I have a lot more to take care of before I shuffle off this mortal coil. Like actually finishing stories for you. That's good enough, right?
Peace out!
I love that you're doing stories for us. :) Your mother is sweet, and I hope you can get things settled with your father. :D It's almost impossible to convince anyone of anything with words alone and it often times just feels pointless to even try. I'm sorry.