Bronycon 2018 afterthoughts · 3:03am Jul 31st, 2018
Now for the rambling about random thoughts about the recent pony con. Copy-pasted from my main blog. Random length paragraphs with no pictures or overall organization. Reader beware.
Long story short: I should have done several things different and kinda disappointed about things, but I made the weekend better for a lot of people so calling it an overall win.
The bad news is that I was the only survivor. The good news is that means there were no witnesses. No, wait, that was the *other* weekend. Not Bronycon. The majority of this post was written late Saturday and/or early Sunday. The sun hasn't *quite* come up yet.
So, another convention came and went. Bringing the usual flood of twisty contradictory emotions in my head. The joys of being a social introvert with crippling social anxiety at a big social event. Overall, it was pretty neat. Got to meet Aragon and some others I know online. Will I remember their faces and/or names? Probably not! But the personal connection is still nice.
Let's see... I actually didn't spend as much time at the convention this time around. Barely any time spent lurking in Quills and Sofas. Attended... two panels total? Missed one I wanted to see. But that was it. Almost nothing on the official schedule interested me. Which meant I actually spent more time in my hotel room away from everyone than any other con I have gone to. So, still kinda bummed about that on some level.
On the other hand, I know for a fact that I made an positive impact on people's lives over the weekend. Which, given my personality was very nice. I really, really like helping people out. I mean part of it is the nice guy attitude "If I'm nice to people they will like me" but a good chunk of it is that I enjoy whenever I can make the world a tiny bit better by helping someone out.
Plus, I did get the best Aragon experience of the entire weekend that none of the rest of you got. So that was cool. Sleep-deprived Aragon rambling for two hours as we drove to the con. Pointing excitedly at just about everything going "Oh my god, that actually exists! I'm in America!" until he finally passed out from lack of sleep. It was hilarious and low-key amazing.
Don't really have much else to say. Listened to other people talk to each other a bit (not as much as last year), talked to a few people myself (about the same as last year?), helped several people out, gave the gifts I brought to various people who seemed to like them. As often is the case with me and conventions, calling it a qualified success. Might actually try to get some anti-anxiety meds in my system before I attend again. Maybe get to the point where I can actually say "Hi" to someone on my own initiative. Then I won't be ignored by Crystal Wishes for half the con when we pass each other in the hallways. Just because she had no idea what I looked like or where I was most of the time, like that's a acceptable excuse. Which it is, duh.
Oh! One bit of progress. I actually managed to go on my own to a social event I wasn't specifically invited too. Got there after it broke up, sadly, but just the fact that I made myself get up and go when I thought it might still be going on is a big improvement for me. Plus I did hang out with some people I ran into leaving the event for a few hours.
Okay. This bit was written after I got home and had dinner and I'm like ten minutes away from falling over into my own bed with my own pillow. I do not know obscenity strong enough to properly express my feelings about the hotel pillows. I got almost no sleep the entire con and I blame the pillows for like 80% of that.
Final thoughts about the con:
I wish I had talked to and spent more time around people. I think I spent more time in my hotel room than the con itself. Maybe just 50/50? That was kind of disappointing. Part of me thinks it was because I actually had more chances to talk to people. Last year I just lurked and occasionally chatted for a few minutes with people who noticed my BMRL shirt or nametag. Then got pulled into a game because I was lurking in Quills & Sofas when they brought it out. This year I actually knew some people and had plenty of chances to hang out and talk with people since I had brought gifts and drove Aragon. So my social anxiety flared up and I kinda fled to my hotel room a couple of times. Next year I really need to officially pair up with someone social and just follow them around. I thought about doing that, but figured it would just kinda happen on it's own since I actually made plans to interact with people. Maybe make actual plans for it next year.
I wasn't gonna go next year, or at least was thinking of not going, but then it was announced that it was gonna be the last Bronycon and I'm like 'fuck that' and going to do my best to go. Even gonna save up to try to fund the kidnapping of overseas FimFicFolks to join us. Go out with a bang. Also need to send the Bronycon staff an email about all the lewds in the dealer's room. It didn't bother me because I'm kinda jaded, but it was waaaay too much for a family convention as many other people not-so-jaded pointed out. I grabbed a few art prints. Mostly because I get decision overload in dealer's rooms and all the plushes were waaaay too expensive.
Let's see... Drive back was okay. Much too long since my lack of sleep had me tired enough that I pulled into a rest stop like once an hour to rest until I felt awake enough to drive. So the 7-8 hour drive became a 10 hour drive. Without a fast-talking spanish boy to keep me entertained for two of those hours like I did on the drive out.
Overall? I'd call it a good trip. The usual mixture of good and bad emotions in my fucked up head. Though in a different ratio than other cons, so that's neat!
I was expecting you to quote Charlie Brown.
Was glad to see you again!
On one hand, it must be frustrating that you spent so much time in your room. (I've been in that situation too.) But on the other hand, even if you were 50% hiding, that's still 50% more convention than you would have had if you'd listened to the anxiety and not gone.
Glad that you got some good moments out of it, and it sounds like you'll have some good strategies to make the next one even better!
Anxiety is a beeeeeeotch. I don't have it as bad as you, but I know the feel. I always worry that I'm letting opportunities slip by.
Yeah, I made this mistake too at BUCK 2016. I did make an effort to try to find people before the con, but I was largely winging it and couldn't really make it come together, which left me rather aimless for most of the con. For more recent cons Loganberry has been my social anchor, and those have been much more enjoyable. It's definitely worth finding someone who you know you can rely on.
PS. I'm English and you can kidnap me any time