Friendship is Card Games: Better Together, Part 5 · 10:52am Jun 17th, 2018
We may be in an intraseasonal hiatus, but there’s still a week’s worth of animation for me to review before going back to the comics. The Equestria Girls shorts never stopped being a thing. Indeed, they’ve been a thing for long enough that even Hasbro’s sluggish YouTube release schedule has almost caught up to this article. Let’s get started.
No matter the worldline, Twilight Sparkle will have a checklist to run through.
Nice Steven Magnet cameo on the map. Though I have to assume that that’s an embellishment… probably. For all I know, our cryptids are catalogued species on the technicolor human world.
I do like how Rarity approximates telekinesis with her abilities. Good show of ingenuity.
Very telling that a teenager can acquire, quote, “a bag of gems.” Plastic costume jewels, or something more?
Also maybe Rarity should just carry a sketchbook for when inspiration strikes. At least they’re not going into space; Rarity would be exceedingly hard-pressed to pack when every gram counted.
Heh. Right timing for the breeze, but it’s the wrong way. I can’t help but wonder how a weather pegasus would react to this. Probably shout their disapproval at the sky .
In the event of an emergency, your giant hat may be used as a propulsion device.
“My meticulously plotted chaaaaart!” Oh, Twilight.
Impressive work on Pinkie’s part in terms of calculating both the angle of the exploding cream puff and the necessary yield of the explosion. Or she got stupidly lucky. My guess is a little from a column A and a little from column B.
Pinkie is best philosophical sea dog. Also, ew. Sea salt caramels are delicious, but cream puffs that have been soaked in ocean water? Yuck.
According to the YouTube video title, this one is also known as “Baewatch.” This is why we can’t have nice things. (Well, that and the EU copyright directive. Back up everything while you can, folks. Better to have it and not need it than the other way around.)
I can see Dash surfing, but Applejack? Maybe after Dash prodded her into giving it a try.
Isn’t hanging twenty a bad thing? Unless Applejack thinks Fluttershy’s magic includes shapeshifting into something with more feet…
It’s generally best to greet people before offering to demonstrate your skills.
Seriously, Zephyr, stop trying to show off when someone who lives with you is right freaking there. 
Poor guy’s like a dog chasing a car. He has no idea what to do when someone actually takes him up on his offer.
Wearing hats while surfing. That seems ill-advised, but I never graduated past boogie boarding.
Dash/Gladys OTP. You know it to be true.
Between the lifeguard who grudgingly saved Zephyr last short, Applejack, and Timber, it seems like life preserver is an accepted symbol for that duty, a sort of occupational cutie mark. (And given Applejack’s status as substitute lifeguard, it makes sense why we don’t see that girl in this short.)
Yes, I know this is hardly a world-shaking revelation, and that we have plenty of examples of that kind of thing in the real world, but it’s an interesting bit of local culture to glean from the short.
Also, I do appreciate a chance to see Timber without Twilight. As with Flash, it’s nice to see him define himself in a non-romantic context.
Yeah, Applejack doesn’t know the meaning of the phrase “take a load off.”
The thing about super strength is that you get a fair clip of speed as well. Skipping the battle cry helps too.
Hoo boy. Just because Twilight isn’t here to make me hate Timber on principle doesn’t mean he gets a pass for other obnoxious behavior. Though crippling insecurity is a major part of his character.
Also, I feel it prudent to note that this world’s Bonbon probably knows nine different ways to kill a man with her bare hands.
I do appreciate how Applejack “saving” the ice cream is treated as the iffy accomplishment that it is.
Bulk Biceps is too pure for this world.
“Canterlot Beat.” Hmm. Local gossip rag? Though given the beach and the movie studio, it’s possible that this is a nationally recognized area of cultural significance even without the magic horse girls. Also, I’m pretty sure that’s Feather Bangs on the cover. I guess he really is pony Bieber.
“BFFs for life” bothers me as much as “ATM machine.”
Pinkie, Twilight may devour books, but not in that sense.
I do love the visible, increasing despair on Twilight’s face as she gets question after question wrong. I’m not happy to see her sad, but it’s a wonderfully Twilight display.
We never do find out Twilight’s favorite part of school (or any of her other responses,) though I’m guessing that it’s “everything.” Also, now I wonder who CHS’s janitor is. (Hopefully not Discord; those who read my stories know that I like to cast him as a physics teacher.)
I invite all readers to speculate on why human Pinkie is afraid of clownfish.
Oh boy. Sinister glasses sheen. That’s how you know she’s serious. That and the letterboxing. Pinkie’s looking a little cramped.
Is that a friendship phase diagram of some sort? Also interesting to note that the axes are labeled with a cupcake (or possibly a muffin) and a book. Either Twilight doesn’t consciously recognize human cutie marks or she’s comparing specific interests rather than the entire personality matrices.
So… did Twilight have that entire reference library ready in case of a research emergency or what? Because if so, that’s about a thusand compatibility points right there.
I wonder how Twilight’s friendship equation compares to Microchips’s friendship algorithm from that one Friendship Games short.
And in Equestria, Princess Twilight feels a bizarre compulsion to measure her friendship with Pinkie Pie to five significant digits without knowing why. (“Unquantifiable, my cutie mark…”)
Huh. So much for my “The last day’s mostly for signing each other’s yearbooks” assumptions. That’s how it always worked at my school. Though I’m surprised that Twilight didn’t have her thank you cards ready before the day began.
Was… was Cheerilee actually planning on assigning some manner of project on the last period of the last day?
Good thing Cheerilee had that specific Daring Do movie. On VHS, no less.
Huh. So did Chestnut Magnifico play Daring Do before “Movie Magic” or what?
If the movie is in 3-D, then most of the class can’t be enjoying it much, though I do like using the diegetic soundtrack to build up tension for Twilight.
An Einstein quotation feels pertinent: “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”
And Rainbow Dash fulfills a key role for any of Twilight’s friends, getting her train of thought back on track after it derailed itself.
I love how even Fluttershy knows that this endeavor is doomed to fail.
Thank goodness for cartoon censorship. Holding up a puppy like that might get your video demonetized otherwise.
Behold, the one cat in existence that has no interest in being in an Internet video!
Shrews riding Scottish terriers are right up there with hamsters riding cats on the list of reasons why I’m glad EqG shorts exist.
Being able to communicate with animals doesn’t guarantee they’ll actually listen.
I do have to wonder how many takes that last shot took. They probably added the audio in post.
In all, these are what they’ve always been, a nice bit of human-world popcorn to tide one over when the feed from Equestria goes quiet. Now, let’s see what I can make out of the bits that stuck in my teeth, so to speak:
Cushioned Landing W
Instant
Target permanent gains indestructible until end of turn.
Make the stop at the end less sudden, and the fall won’t kill anything.
Experienced Lifeguard 3W
Creature — Human Scout
Flash
When Experienced Lifeguard enters the battlefield, creatures you control gain indestructible until end of turn.
”Remain calm, ma’am. I’m here to help.”
2/3
Power Pacifist 4W
Creature — Human Citizen
When Power Pacifist enters the battlefield, each player skips their next combat phase.
His physical strength is enough to end any conflict. His moral strength is enough to end all of them.
3/4
Paralytic | Clownfish 1U
Host Creature — Fish
When this creature enters the battlefield, detain target creature an opponent controls. (Until your next turn, that creature can’t attack or block and its activated abilities can’t be activated.)
1/3
Extra Credit 1U
Sorcery
Draw two cards. Then discard a card unless you have seven or more cards in hand.
”I give my schoolwork one hundred and ten percent. I want my grades to reflect that.”
—Twilight Sparkle
Just the Essentials 1U
Instant
Counter target permanent spell if its controller controls a permanent that shares a card type with it.
Blow Off Course 1UU
Instant
Cast this spell only during the declare attackers step on an opponent’s turn.
Choose target player who is the attacking player’s opponent. All creatures attacking you and planeswalkers you control are now attacking that player instead.
The elements make their own plans.
Jargon Spewer 3U
Creature — Human Pirate
Jargon Spewer can’t be blocked by non-Pirate creatures.
She delights in shouting her plans for all to hear, knowing that only her crew will understand them.
3/1
Fabled Serpent 3UU
Creature — Serpent
Fabled Serpent can’t attack unless a historic permanent entered the battlefield under your control this turn. (Artifacts, legendaries, and Sagas are historic.)
The only ones who have seen it are myths themselves.
5/5
Snack Refill 3UU
Sorcery
Each player with fewer than seven cards in hand draws cards equal to the difference.
”I never take more than one for myself when I do it. Okay, one of each flavor.”
—Pinkie Pie
Obsessive Bibliovore 2B
Creature — Human Wizard
Delirium — 1B, Discard a card: Obsessive Bibliovore gets +2/+2 until end of turn. This ability costs 1B less to activate if there are four or more card types among cards in your graveyard.
”Why settle for a mere thirst for knowledge?”
2/2
Stalking Slime 3B
Creature — Ooze
2B, Sacrifice a Swamp: Return Stalking Slime from your graveyard to the battlefield tapped.
No matter how many of the things Daring cut down, more rose from the foul muck.
3/3
Bloodcurdling
(B) Creature — Horror
Whenever a creature dealt combat damage by this creature this turn dies,
Augment 3B (3B, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)
+3/+1
Arrogant Surfer R
Creature — Human Warrior
Haste
Arrogant Surfer gets +1/+0 as long as an opponent controls an Island.
”Who needs gills when you have skills?”
1/1
Whim of the Waves 2R
Sorcery
Exile the top two cards of your library. Until end of turn, you may play cards exiled this way.
Raid — If you attacked with a creature this turn, add RR.
When your only destination is adventure, little things like your actual location don’t matter.
Unwitting Prey 1G
Creature — Human Scout
When Unwitting Prey enters the battlefield, target creature an opponent controls explores. (That player reveals the top card of their library. They put that card into their hand if it's a land. Otherwise, they put a +1/+1 counter on that creature, then put the card back or put it into their graveyard.)
3/2
Magus of the Call 2GG
Creature — Human Wizard
2GG: Reveal the top card of your library. If it’s a creature card, put it onto the battlefield. Otherwise, put it into your graveyard.
”It is not my voice that summons them. I speak for something far greater.”
2/2
Polished Longboard 3
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +0/+3.
As long as equipped creature is attacking, it gets +3/+0.
Equip 2
At worst, a shield. At best, a steed.
Steelfang Rider GW
Creature — Beast Knight
First strike, trample
(gw), Tap another untapped creature you control: Steelfang Rider gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the tapped creature’s power. Activate this ability only once each turn.
Everything can be ridden by the small and brave.
1/1
Sprinkle Famine 1WB
Enchantment
When Sprinkle Famine enters the battlefield, remove all counters from all permanents.
Counters can’t be put on artifacts, creatures, enchantments, or lands.
Visions of naked vanilla haunted Pinkie’s dreams for months afterwards.
Horsehead Isle
Land
Horsehead Isle enters the battlefield tapped.
T: Add U.
Hoofcraft — 3U, T, Sacrifice Horsehead Isle: Draw two cards. Activate this ability only if you control three or more Ponies, Pegasi, and/or Unicorns.
I like Discord as a janitor. An almighty janitor.
Although I also like him in Tales as a theoretical magician.
I don’t know what happened. All I know is that I read that sentence, and then I woke up on the floor.
Is that "|" supposed to be there?
4884101
How many dead bodies were there when you came to?
4884138
Yup. It's a host creature, after all. That | stands for the tear in the name box.
4884147
What do you think I am, some kind of-of barbarian that doesn’t clean up after himself?
I’ll have you know that I am a properly barbarous fellow.
This is either incomplete, or awkwardly formatted...
4884154
The latter. Augment creatures go on hosts, altering them in a way similar to Auras. Thus, augmenting Paralytic Clownfish with Bloodcurdling would result in Bloodcurdling Clownfish, a 4/4 blue and black Horror Fish creature with "Whenever a creature dealt combat damage by this creature this turn dies, detain target creature an opponent controls."
Just because it's a silver-bordered mechanic doesn't mean I can't use it.
4884162 ... huh, cool.
Still awkward, though.
Looking at tge way Host creatures are named, shouldn't it be Clown |Fish?
You're pretty much all caught up on these. Wonder how many more there are going to be?
Sprinkle Famine effectively destroys all planeswalkers, but doesn't stop new ones from getting counters. Is that intentional?
5168089
Indeed. They can bring in extraplanar sprinkles, but they can't get more here while the famine persists. This is how logic works.