• Member Since 30th Nov, 2015
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Rambling Writer


Our job is not to give readers what they want; our job is to show them things they never imagined. --Walt Williams

More Blog Posts141

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  • 20 weeks
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  • 64 weeks
    Looking at the pilot through season 9 eyes

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    15 comments · 431 views
  • 66 weeks
    Feghoot Contest

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    5 comments · 184 views
Jun
8th
2018

In Which I Tolerate Eclipse: Chapter 23 -- Monster · 11:05am Jun 8th, 2018

Bella wakes up in the morning. The storm’s blown itself out. Three solid pages of Edward and Jacob attempting to poison each other with testosterone before Jacob finally leaves. Ugh.

Pain crackled down my spine and lodged in my stomach as I abruptly realized that this could be the last time I would see him.

CM + 1

Because of a mention of “best nights” during the testosterone-fest, Bella and Edward start talking about the best nights they’ve ever had and guessing each other’s. Bring on the vampire fights, already.

“I’ll narrow it down for you. All of my best nights have happened since I met you.”

If that weren’t an Edward quote, I’d add one to the Clinginess Meter.

“Well, there was the first night. The night you stayed.”

“Yes, that’s one of mine, too. Of course, you were unconscious for my favorite part.”

D:

“Flying home from Italy.”

He frowned.

“Is that not one of yours?” I wondered.

“No, it is one of mine, actually, but I’m surprised it’s on your list. Weren’t you under the ludicrous impression I was just acting from a guilty conscience, and I was going to bolt as soon as the plane doors opened?”

“Yes.” I smiled. “But, still, you were there.”

CM + 1

And after three pages of this, Jacob decides to end our suffering by howling in grief and disrupting everyone. He’d been listening the whole time, and Edward knew this. Bella leaves the tent to talk to Jacob, but he’s already gone off to where the fight will be. Edward leaves to get Jacob, and so Bella’s all alone with her thoughts. She reflects that she keeps hurting the ones she loves.

But if Edward did return with Jacob, that was it. I had to tell him to go away and never come back.

Why was that so hard? So very much more difficult than saying goodbye to my other friends, to Angela, to Mike? Why did that hurt?

Because aside from that one greeting card thing with Angela, you haven’t hung out with them for months.

Edward returns with Jacob, then makes up some excuse to leave with Seth to give Bella and Jacob some alone time. Bella tries apologizing, but Jacob refuses to hear it. Then he says that she’s not the only one capable of self-sacrifice. Well, that would imply she’s capable of self-sacrifice in the first place.

He glanced up at the sun and then smiled at me. “There’s a pretty serious fight brewing down there. I don’t think it will be that difficult to take myself out of the picture.”

Why is it that a disturbingly common trend in this series is that the answer to, “I can’t be with the one I love. What now?” is, “Suicide!”? Headdesk. Bella’s not happy.

“Jacob, I’m begging you. Stay with me.” I would have fallen to my knees, if I could have moved at all.

Jacob says he won’t do anything deliberate, but he won’t try to protect himself, either. Bella breaks down and asks him to kiss her. He does, and it goes on for pages, and Bella realizes she loves Jacob, and why the hell is this news? She’s been clinging to him since his first appearance in New Moon. Whatever. I don’t care. She doesn’t want to hurt him, but she can’t leave Edward for him. Waaaaaaaah. Jacob breaks the kiss and heads back to the clearing to fight, leaving Bella crying in the forest.

Clinginess Meter: 36

So boring… So disturbing… So pointless… So clingy…

Come, Victoria! End my suffering! I beg of thee! To thee I offer my flesh, my lifeblood, my very heart! Rend me limb from limb, for there can be no greater torment than this! Send me to the stygian depths of the underworld, nevermore to walk the land of the living, for the land of the living is inhabited by these horrific ghouls! Take my lifeforce for thine own and, I pray thee, use every last drop of it to smite these grotesque abominations against all that is light and good!

Wait. Don’t kill me. Just kill Bella and Edward and Jacob, please. Thank you. I’d prefer that.

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Comments ( 2 )

Why is it that a disturbingly common trend in this series is that the answer to, “I can’t be with the one I love. What now?” is, “Suicide!”?

I stand by my original assertion that this was already stupid when Romeo and Juliet did it. At least Cleopatra had the excuse of thinking she’d backed the losing side in a civil war. A snake bite is probably quicker than whatever happens after getting potentially captured by pissed-off Romans.

Part of me can't help but think that Meyer thought, "Oh crap, I might have to write a massive fight scene!" and proceeded to write dozens of pages of padding as a stalling mechanism.

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