• Member Since 30th Nov, 2015
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Rambling Writer

Our job is not to give readers what they want; our job is to show them things they never imagined. --Walt Williams

More Blog Posts141

  • 6 days
    Equestrian Road Rage

    Yesterday, I saw this video, and if Equestria ever gets cars, this is pretty much exactly what pony road rage would look like.

    And then I thought: what would current Equestrian road rage look like if it was actually rage-y?

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    4 comments · 97 views
  • 20 weeks
    The Automaticity of Magic

    In some ways, I love fantasy because of the easy outs it provides. In other ways, I loathe fantasy because of the easy outs it provides.

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    18 comments · 267 views
  • 61 weeks
    FimFiction Feghoot Festival Future Finalities

    Hello, friends! If you're still planning on writing feghoots for the the First Fimfiction Feghoot Contest, get cracking! The submission deadline is this Friday, July 19th at 11:59:59 pm, Pacific Time. If you beseech Super Trampoline for a short extension via PM, he might give you one, but don't push it. Get those stories in; we're almost

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    3 comments · 143 views
  • 64 weeks
    Looking at the pilot through season 9 eyes

    We’re halfway through the final season already. With the finale so close and almost a decade of pony, I figured I’d take a look at the premiere again. How does it hold up? What looks weird eight seasons later? What sorts of early-series quirks got ironed out later on?

    I stink at introductions, so here we go.

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    15 comments · 431 views
  • 66 weeks
    Feghoot Contest

    Do you like long, drawn-out puns? Do you like subjecting people to those puns? Do you like subjecting me to those puns? Do you like me scrutinizing those puns with a critical eye? Do you like lots of FimFic-famous authors scrutinizing those puns with a critical eye? Do you like possibly winning $100 for doing so and having your pun subjected to hundreds of other people in the process? How

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    5 comments · 184 views

In Which I Tolerate Eclipse: Chapter 23 -- Monster · 11:05am Jun 8th, 2018

Bella wakes up in the morning. The storm’s blown itself out. Three solid pages of Edward and Jacob attempting to poison each other with testosterone before Jacob finally leaves. Ugh.

Pain crackled down my spine and lodged in my stomach as I abruptly realized that this could be the last time I would see him.

CM + 1

Because of a mention of “best nights” during the testosterone-fest, Bella and Edward start talking about the best nights they’ve ever had and guessing each other’s. Bring on the vampire fights, already.

“I’ll narrow it down for you. All of my best nights have happened since I met you.”

If that weren’t an Edward quote, I’d add one to the Clinginess Meter.

“Well, there was the first night. The night you stayed.”

“Yes, that’s one of mine, too. Of course, you were unconscious for my favorite part.”


“Flying home from Italy.”

He frowned.

“Is that not one of yours?” I wondered.

“No, it is one of mine, actually, but I’m surprised it’s on your list. Weren’t you under the ludicrous impression I was just acting from a guilty conscience, and I was going to bolt as soon as the plane doors opened?”

“Yes.” I smiled. “But, still, you were there.”

CM + 1

And after three pages of this, Jacob decides to end our suffering by howling in grief and disrupting everyone. He’d been listening the whole time, and Edward knew this. Bella leaves the tent to talk to Jacob, but he’s already gone off to where the fight will be. Edward leaves to get Jacob, and so Bella’s all alone with her thoughts. She reflects that she keeps hurting the ones she loves.

But if Edward did return with Jacob, that was it. I had to tell him to go away and never come back.

Why was that so hard? So very much more difficult than saying goodbye to my other friends, to Angela, to Mike? Why did that hurt?

Because aside from that one greeting card thing with Angela, you haven’t hung out with them for months.

Edward returns with Jacob, then makes up some excuse to leave with Seth to give Bella and Jacob some alone time. Bella tries apologizing, but Jacob refuses to hear it. Then he says that she’s not the only one capable of self-sacrifice. Well, that would imply she’s capable of self-sacrifice in the first place.

He glanced up at the sun and then smiled at me. “There’s a pretty serious fight brewing down there. I don’t think it will be that difficult to take myself out of the picture.”

Why is it that a disturbingly common trend in this series is that the answer to, “I can’t be with the one I love. What now?” is, “Suicide!”? Headdesk. Bella’s not happy.

“Jacob, I’m begging you. Stay with me.” I would have fallen to my knees, if I could have moved at all.

Jacob says he won’t do anything deliberate, but he won’t try to protect himself, either. Bella breaks down and asks him to kiss her. He does, and it goes on for pages, and Bella realizes she loves Jacob, and why the hell is this news? She’s been clinging to him since his first appearance in New Moon. Whatever. I don’t care. She doesn’t want to hurt him, but she can’t leave Edward for him. Waaaaaaaah. Jacob breaks the kiss and heads back to the clearing to fight, leaving Bella crying in the forest.

Clinginess Meter: 36

So boring… So disturbing… So pointless… So clingy…

Come, Victoria! End my suffering! I beg of thee! To thee I offer my flesh, my lifeblood, my very heart! Rend me limb from limb, for there can be no greater torment than this! Send me to the stygian depths of the underworld, nevermore to walk the land of the living, for the land of the living is inhabited by these horrific ghouls! Take my lifeforce for thine own and, I pray thee, use every last drop of it to smite these grotesque abominations against all that is light and good!

Wait. Don’t kill me. Just kill Bella and Edward and Jacob, please. Thank you. I’d prefer that.

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Comments ( 2 )

Why is it that a disturbingly common trend in this series is that the answer to, “I can’t be with the one I love. What now?” is, “Suicide!”?

I stand by my original assertion that this was already stupid when Romeo and Juliet did it. At least Cleopatra had the excuse of thinking she’d backed the losing side in a civil war. A snake bite is probably quicker than whatever happens after getting potentially captured by pissed-off Romans.

Part of me can't help but think that Meyer thought, "Oh crap, I might have to write a massive fight scene!" and proceeded to write dozens of pages of padding as a stalling mechanism.

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