Random Ramblings CCLX

IN WHICH I AM ON VACATION
So for tonight's music video, you get this -- my favourite (male) singer of all time: Bruddah IZ.

People always talk about his "Over The Rainbow" cover, but this one deserves a look too. Anyway...

Let's leave aside the fact that there is currently a very loud Black man in the room next to me (and there is a smell of dank) -- good thing I brought earplugs 'cause I don't think he plans to shut up for awhile. I hate sociable people in general -- race doesn't factor that much into it. Let us also leave aside my paranoia that my beloved car will be broken into thanks to not staying in the safest part of the city. That's what I get for cheaping out. Of course why should I spend much on a hotel room when (1) I'm alone and (2) don't really see the lodging as a destination in itself.

I'm on vacation and am feeling incredibly lonely. This is the first time I've been to this city without my now-ex and I have no idea what to do. I was absolutely despondent as I drove into the city and knew I had no partner.

If you haven't guessed already, I'm a glass-completely-empty type of guy. Which I suppose is why I write the stories I do.

Or don't write the stories I don't do. Since I'm fucking lazy.

Sometimes I wonder if I should even bother to complete the stories I already have on my plate. I'm so far behind on the actual canon that everything I do seems almost quaint. These are stories that should have been written two or three years ago minimum, and in fact WERE planned out that far in advance -- 2016 and most of 2017 were just shitty years for me in general.

• My dad was diagnosed with cancer
• My mother lost her home
• I started having panic attacks that made it even harder for me to "work"
• My longtime girlfriend dumped me because I couldn't cope with the above
• Many of my IRL friends ghosted me after that because she told them half-truths
• Donald Trump -- Need I say more?
• My mother lost her home again and had to move in with me
• My dad nearly died two months ago
• His second wife left him while he was in intensive care (worthless Cunt)
• I've gained nearly 20 pounds in the last 18 months and feel awful about it

Although I appreciate every compliment I get on my writing -- I'm apparently good at writing depression (well I should hope so) and readers like my attempts at flow and pacing -- does it matter. My mother keeps hassling me to do real writing that I can possibly get paid for. But that frightens me and I don't think I'm good enough for that.

I miss my ex. She appeared in a dream of mine a couple nights ago telling me she wasn't happy. Not that she wanted to get back with me, just that she was unhappy. I don't really know what to make of it. If she was still with me, we'd probably be watching Youtube videos right now. I know that I'm technically better off without her, but my soul is still empty.

Trust me, I already have a story planned exactly along these lines with one of the four ladies known to be in love with Sunset in my universe. Though you may be surprised which one.

Anywho, I want to get this up before midnight CDT. So... yeah. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow and can actually start to enjoy my vacation. Regrettably, many of the artsy places I wanted to go are closed on Mondays. FML.

Peace out.

Comments

[Brazen Frenzy]

- Permission to disregard is extended in advance -
There is nothing to be gained from antagonizing yourself over arbitrary deadlines. Your fans like your stories because they have the depth of experience behind the descriptions and dialogue- its an authentic and refreshing encounter with good characters- not because you pump out half-baked shit on a regular schedule. I know it isn't worth much, but I and lots of other people would be sad if you gave up. I have come to truly enjoy reading your stories, and its always a good day when I see your next post.
Please excuse my brief foray into fortune cookie advice that isn't worth a damn, but I guarantee things will get better. I mean, isn't that the whole point of this pony thing anyway? I have always been drawn to the ponies because they remind me of the vitality and goodness of life, and they remind me that there are many beautiful people out there if I'm willing to find them. That, and they give me hope (perhaps false, but only perhaps) that somebody else will see the value in me.
Good luck on your vacation! I hope you enjoy it not because it checks all the boxes of what you think a vacation should be, but rather because it subverts that particular paradigm.

[Mx Story Anomalax]

I know exactly what you mean about it feeling quaint when time passes and canon grows while your stories stay in the past. It also just feels really weird and easily makes you lose inspiration. If it helps you feel any better I like your canon over the real canon.

[Soufriere]

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I tried a new doughnut place this morning, so I am in a better mood.

I appreciate the encouragement you often leave in your comments more than you can know. I just feel a little guilty that I'm so slow at getting stuff out. Some days I simply don't want to write; other days I push myself to do it; a few days I get lucky so the spirit and flesh are willing to work together to get something out for y'all -- that usually involves a lot of caffeine, which I have now had. I'm awake early for once, so maybe I'll do some editing before maybe getting back out again.

I never actually PM'd those Gdoc links to CoffeeMinion. I probably should. He has the last two SRA story links unless he deleted the links by mistake. I won't spoil anything, but he told me I "stuck the landing" (i.e. he liked how it ended), though he had some suggestions about it. I'm glad I wrote the two stories in between because it will make the ending more coherent (by my standards).

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If it helps you feel any better I like your canon over the real canon.

Thanks. That's the upside of a universe being written by one person without the restrictions placed on the actual writers -- internal coherence and consistency, plus the ability to tackle more adult issues, all at a more deliberate pace. My stories are as long or short as they need to be.

Many SRA and Burritoverse stories wouldn't fit into 21 minutes without padding. Other stories may be too long -- especially non-canon side stories like the one where I dumped 9500 words on Sunny buying a new computer but spent a lot of time world building. Same with ATGE, my only regret of which is that I had Sunset travel to a new(-ish) place -- actually the same park the Dazzlings went to in Burritoverse Chapter Zero -- and didn't get the chance to do even more world-building further east.