Retrograde - The potential for giving it another shot · 11:51am Apr 22nd, 2018
Morning, everypony.
So I'm sure many of you are aware of what has transpired in these past few days. It was somewhat dramatic, for sure, which is not something we intended in the slightest. My goal is to produce the highest quality story possible and I think mistakes were made relating to what was in the text. I will admit that the reactions were disheartening (so much so that we took her out of the story on Friday, but that left me feeling just as bad) but, after taking some time to reflect on things and carefully considering your feedback, we're starting to come around.
I also wanted to thank all of your for saying something. I've realized that ya'll were right. I didn't like it, but I was also wrong. Crystal is an OC of mine and she is my responsibility, and I did not tackle this responsibility to the fullest in presenting her as she was in the original version of chapter 3. As, many of you put it, I more-or-less said "here she is" and didn't really do much else with it. It is still my firm belief that there should never be any sort of required reading for this story, but my original approach of trying to keep her far in the background didn't work.
My partner, Onyx Archer, has also been nudging me to keep her in. He, of course, was also right.
So, with that all being said, we want to give her another shot. But we want to do it properly this time. We want to ground her in the world and justify her inclusion within the text itself. If we do our jobs correctly, she should feel like another piece to the puzzle, regardless of whether or not one knows the source.
We also want you, our readers, to give us permission to do this. In order to convince you of this, I will now present a draft for a scene which will take place near the mid-point of this latest chapter. I hope it is to your liking. And if enough of you approve of it, we'll give putting her back into the story a try~
The fireplace lit both Twilight’s face and the face of the mare sitting in the seat opposite her. It cracked as one of the logs within split down the middle and fell to the side. The mares themselves sat in silence, not even affording the fire a glance as it fell apart.
“I see. So,” the vested mare said with a sigh, “you want my help.”
“Crystal Faire… I need your help.”
Crystal Faire adjusted her vest and sat back in her cushion. “Well… Twilight Sparkle…” she began as she folded her hooves together and narrowed her eyes. “While I want to… I don’t know if I can.”
Twilight’s expression fell. “Why not?”
“Well, I have my job at City Hall to worry about. That is not something that I can simply walk away from. Even now, I am on the clock.”
Twilight groaned. “I would think that they would understand if I needed you for a while.”
Crystal raised an eyebrow. “But you should also think that they would ask questions. They are government types, you know.” She stroked her chin. “Remember, even if I am the city’s delegate to you, they will ask questions about why you needed me for some secretive task.”
Twilight threw her hooves into the air. “I know, I know. There are not a lot of ponies who know that there is another world-class mage living here in Ponyville. And said world-class mage wants to keep a low profile. I can respect that.”
“I just wanted the quiet job.”
“I know.” Twilight stood up and pointed to the door. “But that mare in there… she needs help, and there is nothing more that I want to do than to help her. She means a lot to me.”
Crystal nodded. “Yes. I can see that.”
Twilight swallowed. “So…?”
Crystal sighed. “I happened to run into Starlight Glimmer on the way in. She told me that both Starswirl the Bearded and Sunburst of the Crystal Empire had agreed to come help you. I personally think they would be more capable of helping you than I am.”
Twilight opened her mouth to speak but shut it just as quickly. She then stroked her chin. “Well… Sunburst has done some really nice things and I know he’s capable and then of course Starswirl is Starswirl the Bearded.” She chuckled. “And, I mean, you can’t go wrong with Starswirl the Bearded! He’s the most important conjurer of the pre-classical era for Celestia’s sake! And he’s the Pillar of Sorcery!”
Crystal pinched the bridge of her nose. “...Yes. I am aware.”
Twilight let out a long exhale and turned her eyes back onto Crystal. “But as capable as they are, I know that you can also help too. And I’m looking to get all the help that I can get. So please…”
Crystal snorted and threw her hooves into the air. “Twilight Sparkle… Look. I want to help you. And I suppose that I can try… but that is not my issue. I do not think there is anything that I can do to help you.”
After a few moments of silence, Twilight narrowed her eyes and trotted forward, closing the distance between the two. “Yes there is.”
Crystal shook her head and looked away.
“I know for a fact that you have seen a great many things. You’ve probably seen something like this before. Right?”
At that, Crystal’s expression, which was already pale thanks to the the very light fuschia that was her coat, turned even paler. “As a matter of fact… I have not.”
Twilight could feel her breath leave her body.
“And my expertise lies in preventing things from happening in the first place. And sadly… nopony could have seen this coming.”
Twilight hung her head. “But still…”
“Even from what you’ve described to me and from what I can glean… I don’t know what I can do about it.” At that, Crystal stood up. She closed the distance between the two of them so that she was nearly muzzle-to-muzzle with Twilight. And she said, with a voice at nearly a whisper, “But if am to be perfectly honest… and I somewhat fear that these other ponies you want to bring in to help will say the same thing… but if this situation has indeed reached this point already… I think that you should be prepared for the worst possible outcome.”
And Twilight had nothing to say. She stared into Crystal’s eyes while her own expression slowly started shaking more and more. And the mare across from her stared back with an unflinching frown.
Hey everyone, since you need to comment in order to provide feedback, I just want to let you all know that this is more or less the intended way Crystal was to be included. I talked about this in my blog post the other day, and my collaborator and I want to do this. We both think things could have gone smoother, so we apologize for the constant changing of minds on the subject. Initially, the plan was to include a scene like this in Chapter 4, but we're expediting it to chapter 3 if you all are cool with letting us tackle our original plans for Crystal.
My word might not count for much, given that I'm not reading the story - the special left a bad taste in my mouth, as my blog posts can probably indicate - but I'm fine with this version of Crystal's inclusion in the story.
Unfortunately, I never read the version of chapter 3 with Crystal. I probabky read it right after the removal. But, I do like the scene in this blog. It requires no former knowledge of who she is, while still being a cameo to those who know her.
I like this, it show that crystal is a powerful unicorn, but she prefers to stay outnof the limelight. Also she is serious and doesn't like to put effort into something she feels is worthless, a perfect way to feature her.
i still dont like it your just taking time away from what the story is about SUNSET and the horrific thing that has happened to her that is where your focus needs to be on her
Interesting dynamic between the two. I also am amused by the semi constant thorn of bureaucratic red tape being an actual concern to nigh divine rulers.
I like it :3
4845183
I'm not exactly sure where you're pulling this from? Who said the story was only about Sunset? As one of the two writers working on this fic, I can tell you this fic is just as much about Twilight as it is about Sunset. Heck, it's about more than just the two of them, as Starlight and Moondancer's roles are also something to consider later down the line. If you don't like that, sorry, but Retrograde isn't the fic for you.
4845494
sorry the description gave me the idea that this story was about sunset suffering a horrid tragedy i still like the story
sunset is the one i feel sympathy for now having a large chunk of her life taken away is just a horrid thing to imagine surrounded by strangers who know you but you dont know yea thats the part of the story i like
i apologize if you though ti was insulting the story
4845499
The thing with your idea of what the fic is about is not totally inaccurate. The story is about Sunset suffering a tragic loss of memory, and having to deal with it. That being said, just because Sunset is the one who lost her memory, it doesn't mean that the story has to be exclusively about her. In my opinion, an amnesia story that only focuses on the mind of the person with amnesia is interesting, but limiting in what you can do with it. The way I think amnesia stories work best is with the differing perspectives of people who know the person with amnesia, and how it affects those around them.
As this is also a story that focuses on the attempts at recovering those memories for Sunset, it needs to go into other characters, otherwise it's just Sunset being told what kind of stuff they're going to try, and that's not fun to write. Crystal's role in this is small, but she has access to knowledge outside of even Starswirl's reach, due to her abilities. However, we're leaving it vague what those abilities are on purpose, both because of how small her role is in the grand scheme of things, and as to not force people to read "Reflections" to understand what's going on. Why bog down a story with exposition about Crystal when her role is basically a glorified cameo? This scene (which we are likely adding back into the story at this point), is probably the extent of which we'd use Crystal, to avoid problems with readers who didn't read "Reflections."
4845635
knowledge beyond even star swirl see this is why i called her a sue before stuff like that you talk about her abilities but dont explain them and say to learn them you need to read this other story
you want to add her fine but just know people are going to critique this character who you are treating like they are important to the mane 6 do to how you introduced her i thought she was evil and manipulating there memories as i said before
a cameo should be invisible unless a person knows what its from look at the rick and morty ponies from the grannies gone wild episode if you dont know who they are you wont even notice them
4845782
I could have admittedly phrased it better. Ultimately though, all that people need to know is that she has access to a unique source of information, which is why she is being reached out to in the first place. Her powers are unimportant, as is how she gets that information. It's just information at the end of the day, which is the extent of her use.