Sex From Original Novel · 11:00am Apr 6th, 2018
My original novel is called Hidemarket, its pretty furry, and honestly I'm not sure what to do with it. Besides hide under the bed with my laptop, which is what I want to do all the time, and its a miracle I'm even on here.
One issue is there's a sex scene. Normie reaction is neutral to hostile. I need to know what you people think. There could be two or three more of them in the novel if there needed to be. Its not a sex novel, its more political/social/military. But. You know. Any character I write is a horndog deep down inside. Literally in this case.
It's about zahn. This is a zahn.
So. SEX SCENE.
Curly barked a laugh. “Well, if you don’t mind being the bitch, I could stand to take the edge off. I’ll send up water for a bath, and if you don’t stink to badly, I’ll deign to use you. How’s that?”
“That’d be fine.” He and Curly rubbed muzzles, and Curly left the room to go do restaurant things.
[Cut: Erchiyara uses the bath for some sequel time, and chats with Curly over a snack for some exposition.]
“And what’s the olive oil for?” said Erchiyara, stuffing meat pastries into his maw as fast as he could.
“That, my little Erchina, is for you,” said Curly with a slow smile.
Erchina grinned. That was what he’d wanted to hear.
Curly pushed the empty plate onto the floor, and climbed on top of Erchiyara, who rolled onto his back, hind legs spread so they could rub their balls together.
“Wine?” asked Erchiyara, glancing over at the bottle sitting beside the bed.
Curly laughed, took a mouthful, wished it around his mouth, and then spat it into Erchiyara’s open mouth. “A suitable vintage, whore?” growled Curly.
“Yes. More,” whimpered Erchiyara.
“Like I’m going to waste it all on you.” Curly guzzled from the bottle, drinking most of it. When he was almost done, he spat more into Erchiyara’s face, and then poured the dregs into his mouth. Erchi coughed and sputtered, and then realized Curly was shifting around on top of him. He snapped at him, and struggled just for the sport of it, but Curly was stronger. He kicked Erchi down and pushed his shaft against his muzzle.
“Be a dear and choke on that while I get your ass ready,” Curly said, reaching for the olive oil.
Erchiyara wrapped his jaws and both forepaws around Curly’s girth. He savored the feeling of the thick shaft resting on his tongue, pulsing with the larger male’s heartbeat. He inhaled deeply — Curly was clean and healthy, with a heavy, musky scent that made Erchiyara’s hind legs twitch.
Curly placed two oiled up digits against Erchiyara’s fundament, taking his time, using what felt like most of the bottle. Erchi didn’t know Curly as overly solicitous, but he knew better than to break his toys, and took great care in the preparation of Erchi’s bottom.
“Lovely work, whore. A little less fang would be nice, next time,” said Curly, pulling out of Erchiyara’s snout with an audible pop.
“So make your cock smaller,” said Erchi, licking up the strands of spit linking his face to Curly’s cock.
“I could have my cooks pull your teeth,” suggested Curly, voice low and menacing as he rolled Erchiyara over and pushed his cock into his asshole. “Keep you chained to my bed and feed you nothing but wine and cum.”
“Better than the garbage I normally eat. But you could never give up my ass,” said Erchiyara. He bore down, opening himself for Curly. The massive shaft spread him open inside, hammering slowly at first, then faster and faster as the oil and pleasure loosed his muscles. The knot pounded against Erchiyara — he gritted his teeth, panicking. It was too big! But no. He’d taken it before. It hurt when it spread him open, but soon the wide part had passed, and it was nestled inside of him. It felt like Curly filled his whole belly. And somewhere in those guts, down near the opening of his fundament, there was something that sparked like fireworks when Curly’s knot mashed against it.
Erchiyara drooled on the bed, eyes rolling up into his skull. It was too much. He was going to die. Curly was going to squash Erchina’s heart with his dick and it would all be over. And it would be worth it.
The hot glow from down between his hind legs was growing. Curly’s pounding was quickening, and Erchiyara started to worry that he’d finish before he was ready and…
Oh no. Nope. No need to worry. Curly bit down on the back of his neck and drove him forward, mashing his snout against the wall of the room. That was all it too. Erchiyara yelped like a joey. White heat boiled up from between his thighs, burning through his body. Six spurts of seed spurted onto Curly’s bedsheets.
Curly was done a few strokes later. Both males collapsed, flopping on their sides on the bed, still tied together by Curly’s knot.
“Fine,” he rumbled. “Your fangs are saved. Your ass will serve.”
“Oh dahrs. You almost killed me. That was incredible,” said Erchiyara.
“Glad you liked it.”
“Can I sleep here tonight?”
Curly laughed. “Can I fuck you again?”
“Sure, sure,” said Erchiyara, yawning. “You might have to do it to me in my sleep, though.”
Curly licked the side of his head. “I won’t hesitate.”
Be honest. This is on the chopping block.
This alone is reason enough to keep this scene in.
4834394
I want to be chained to a bed and fed nothing but wine and cum.
Though I'd prefer to keep my teeth.
Fucking someone to death will make it unsalable to normies. If you leave that in, you might as well add more porn.
Then again normies liked 50 shades of gray so... I dunno. You might get some backslash from the anti-yiff community that tries to prove that not all the furries are degenerates.
I like the scene, but I would go more realism, or more porn logic instead, but this is still good, and you know what to write better than me.
Hard to tell whether the scene should be kept or not without context. In a vacuum, it does tell me something about the characters, so it's not just a gratuitous sex scene.
If it's the quality of the writing you're worried about, it was a smooth read.
If it's reactions you're worried about, who's the target audience? Normies? Probably too far outside of their comfort zone. People who also read clopfics? In that case it's just Tuesday. "Average" furries? No idea.
That being said, I'd give Hidemarket a read (and a purchase, seeing that I like your writing).
4834456
It's plot important, but spoilers.
I mean, its furries and bronies. That's the people who are gonna wanna read it.
Why thank you! It will be done... eventually? And... published somehow? At some point?
4834450
Thats meant to be hyperbole.
I'm considering making the sex a bit more 'realistic dogs sex' and less 'furry porn'? IDK.