Sentences can be stretched like taffy · 9:21pm Feb 7th, 2018
Allow me to demonstrate.
Kids, don't try this at home, I am a professional.
Copperquick’s ears perked at the sound of Buttermilk’s voice because her mood had changed—again. “Mister Orange, I don’t want to hijack your project, but I had an idea on finishing this piece. A lot of negativity has been brought up… I thought maybe we’d end on a more positive note.”
“I’d be glad to hear it,” Seville replied with his rural Manehattan accent now more pronounced because of his obvious fatigue. “I have a lot of good material to work with… maybe some real good material to work with because of your parents. But, uh, I dunno how they’ll feel about that.” The sunny yellow-orange earth pony shrugged and then leaned up against the table.
Esmeralda’s carrot was a bit soggy, but Copperquick didn’t mind too much. Soon, she would be worn out, exhausted, and she would succumb to the peaceful slumber of innocent, worn out foals—or so he hoped. She was already showing signs of slowing, and it was only a matter of time now. Esmeralda had been tired earlier, but then had found her second wind after a bit of shut eye. To wear his daughter down further, he pressed his lips against her neck and blew a powerful raspberry, which set her off.
Over at the table, Buttermilk armed herself with an inkpen.
Thrashing about and kicking, little giggling Esmeralda was a heart-stopping sight to behold, and Copperquick did his best pegasus impression: he flapped his ears like mad, at least until the dreadful cramp in his scalp made him stop. Over at the table, both Buttermilk and Seville were laughing, which made Copperquick feel a little bit better about his eye-watering scalp cramp. Ooh, that smarted! Much to Copperquick’s surprise, Esmeralda too, flapped her ears, but she was slow and clumsy; given time though, she would be as skilled as he, and Copperquick was delighted to see that his daughter had inherited something from him.
There are some delightfully long sentences in this excerpt.
Also, the opening paragraph would probably cause poor Georg to have funny eye-twitches.
With a sigh, Buttermilk allowed the high-pressure water jet to slip back into its dock mounted on the rear of the sink. Cleaning the dishes had settled her mind and now, with the kitchen tidy, she was free to accomplish other things without worry. With a slap of her hoof, she turned off the water and her ears perked at the sound of the faucet lever squeaking. While she stood there, pleased about a job well done, her mind posed a most curious question: how did earth ponies and pegasus ponies wash dishes before the invention of the sink-mounted high-pressure water jet?
you want to see some unreasonably long sentences the mountains of madness by lovecraft some chapters feel like every other sentence has twenty adjectives
*like
TL;DR lol
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The Communist Manifesto has some insanely long sentences that form monstrous paragraphs all to themselves.
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I'm actually known for long sentences. In some of the readings of my stuff, you can hear the voice actors get a little faint before they reach the end of the sentence and beloved oxygen.
Ahem.
With that in mind, you have two sentences in that opening para using 'with' as an opener, and one as 'while.' That *could* be tightened up a little and make the hook sharper. (drag, paste, fiddle)
Cleaning dishes had always settled Buttercup's mind and chased away worry, particularly with the hiss of a high-pressure water jet to blast off sticky goop, but that time of peaceful cleansing progress had reached its end. She let the water hose slip back into the socket on the back of the sink and bumped both water handles closed, then rubbed away the remainder of the dampness and worry on a nice, dry towel. The faucets made a pleasant squeaking sound when moved, which most certainly did not need fixed because it only added to the washing experience, but the noise did bring up a curious question that bothered her tranquil pleasure about a job well done.
How did earth ponies and pegasus ponies wash dishes before the invention of the sink-mounted high-pressure water jet?
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