A peek behind the curtain v2.0 · 4:37pm Feb 1st, 2018
This:
Pebble: you both act like hot plot-nuggets.
(Hidden Rose frowns, turns away, and rolls her eyes)
Ambrosia: a’ight, sometimes we do, but that’s different. Afore, Sumac wasn’t hurt and now he is. We’re not gonna act like butt-dumplings when he’s like this.
Pebble: I don’t believe you. (Gestures at Meg and narrows eyes at Apple sisters) If I were you, I wouldn’t do anything to upset Megara.
(Apple sisters both gulp)
Hidden Rose: We only roughed him up before so he wouldn’t act like such a sissy.
Pebble: You have no idea how much trouble you and Big Mac have caused with that sissy stuff. Cut it out, or else. (Pebble cracks fetlocks)
Ambrosia: it was only funnin’ and we ain’t mean nuttin’ by it!
Pebble: (Squinting with ears forward) Normally, I don’t step on road apples because I don’t like the mess, but I’d be more than willing to stomp on you. I’m pretty sure that I could take you both at once.
Sumac: (Anticipating a filly-fight) That’s enough, all of you. I don’t want my friends and family fighting. Cut it it out!
After extensive effort and a whole lot of rewriting, became this:
Pebble did not reply reply right away, but a fantastically cruel smile spread across her muzzle and her eyes gleamed with a ferocious inner glee. “Because, you both act like hot plot-nuggets.”
In response to this, Hidden Rose let out a groan, turned away, and rolled her eyes, but her sister, Ambrosia, had a somewhat different reaction, one of slow realisation after having been hammered by Pebble’s brutish, unrelenting words.
“A’ight, sometimes we do, but that’s different. Afore, Sumac wasn’t hurt and now he is. We’re not gonna act like butt-dumplings when he’s like this. We ain’t said one mean thing and neither of us has gave him noogies.” Hidden Rose’s voice wavered, changing in both pitch and depth, and it sounded as though she wanted to cry, something that Sumac cued in on.
Hidden Rose however, had a different reaction and placed a protective foreleg over her twin’s shoulders. Perhaps knowing that anything that she said would only be picked apart by Pebble, she scowled in silence while trying to comfort her upset twin. Ears pricked, Hidden Rose’s face held the quiet threat of violence.
And it seemed that Pebble was game. “I don’t believe you. In fact, I’m pretty sure that if you thought you could get away with it, you’d be right back to bullying him. Maybe even worse now that he’s too weak to fight back. That’s how the stupid like to fight.” Head darting forward, Pebble was more than a match for Hidden Rose’s aggression. “If you know what’s good for you, I wouldn’t do anything to upset Megara. She’s still learning the rules and she can be a little rough, if you know what I mean.”
The Apple twins gulped together, but Hidden Rose’s ears remained aggressive and pricked.
“We only roughed him up before so he wouldn’t act like such a sissy.” Pulling her sister closer, Hidden Rose held her ground. “Ain’t good to be a sissy.”
From where he lay on the floor, Sumac heard the sound of Pebble grinding her teeth, and then he heard her say, “You have no idea how much trouble you and Big Mac have caused with that sissy stuff. Cut it out, or else.” Afterwards, she cracked her fetlocks as a means of aggressive punctuation.
Ambrosia pulled her sister back and with her ears pinned in submission, she poured out her heart to Pebble. “It was only funnin’ and we ain’t mean nuttin’ by it! Honest Apple!”
To which Pebble replied with as much aggression as she could muster, squinting through one eye and her ears angled out over her face, “Normally, I don’t step on road apples because I don’t like the mess, but I’d be more than willing to stomp on you. I’m pretty sure that I could take you both at once. You’re pathetic and acting like a sissy right now.”
Fearful that he was about to witness a knock down, drag out, pigtail pulling, plot punching, throw down, hoedown filly fight, Sumac knew it was time to end this and he when he spoke, he willed his words to carry as much magic as he could muster. “Stop this right now. I don’t want my friends and family fighting. Cut it it out! Just stop!”
And I still don't know if it is done yet.
Interesting to see your writing process.
I still think the single biggest issue with this "sissy" stuff is that, at least to the best of my recollection, for as much as Big Mac has said it's important to not be a sissy, he has never articulated to Sumac what that means.
4787138
Yes, and this is how bigotry hides in plain sight.
4787146
It's a real slap in the face when you realize your past actions have been influenced by prejudice or bigotry you absorbed passively. Then are those that know full well what they are doing and have decided it's 'the right thing.'
4787146
Yes, but from whom, in this case? Mac, because he keeps insisting that it’s important Sumac not be a sissy and is concerned he might become one?
Or everyone else for insisting that Mac is thinking wrong and never asking him what he means and why he’s concerned?
Or is it the third possibility: A can of almonds?
4787155
I mean in the most general sense.
Innocent bigotry is still bigotry.