Feel Like Garbage... · 11:54pm Jan 29th, 2018
Hey everyone...
It feels almost silly to complain or vent since I contribute so little to the fandom anymore. So I apologize for this if nobody cares or if it's too much depressing information. I promise this'll be the only blog I make about this. I also understand that everyone has their own problems. I just want to get this off my chest somewhere. That's mostly been for some serious health issues I've had as of late. This is a very long and depressing story but I'll keep it brief. For about the last year I've likely had something called Conversion Disorder combined with something called Somatic Symptom Disorder. Those neurological syndromes combined with some severe depression/anxiety I've had for much longer but also especially bad lately.
Towards the end of last year I became so debilitated by neurological pain and mental symptoms/impairment that I basically could not get out of bed I was in too much physical pain and had too many debilitating symptoms to count. I literally could not enjoy or do anything but lay there in a semi-catatonic state. I had reached the depths of hell. I ended up having to be hospitalized for a month and a half in November/December because I could not take care of myself. I went through some pretty heavy duty treatments such as electro-convulsive therapy there.
That helped a bit, as some of my pain has receded and I can now function a little bit. But far from perfectly, and I still don't really enjoy much. I have friends and family too that I spend time with, but I still pretty much always feel completely alone and hopeless and still in quite a bit of physical discomfort.
Anyway, thank you to those who here still converse with me and who haven't forgotten about me. You really do help a lot. It really helps me feel less alone and worthless. This really is the best fandom. That's why I've stuck with it for so long. Thank you. 
LIfe is not easy, bro. I go through some similar shit being schizophrenic and all. If you ever need someone to chat with, hmu.
4784731
Yeah it's definitely not. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. I'm sure that's really not fun in it's own way too. And I really might do that. Thanks a ton man.
Functioning is good. Constant pain less so. I don't imagine there's a longer term treatment option that would be far more effective?
4784748
Definitely. Apparently electro-convulsive therapy is the industry standard for really treatment-resistant depressive symptoms like I've had. I'm actually still doing that once every couple of weeks so that hopefully will continue to help. I've also been started on a new type of medication I haven't tried before for the somatic neurological symptoms. So hopefully both of those things combined will be effective in the near future, but nothing is certain in medicine of course.
4784754
Ah, it's an ongoing treatment. I had thought it was just a onetime thing. Hopefully that works out, then!
4784767
Yeah, it's something that's done several times over time. I did it a few times in the hospital, and have done it periodically since my discharge at the beginning of January. It's done less and less as time goes on as symptoms (supposedly) improve which they have for me a bit. I still have a ways to go though.
Thanks! I really appreciate the support!
I’m here for ya dude.
4784838
Thanks dude! I can't appreciate it enough!
I'm here for you if you need it
4784881
Thank you! I really might need it.
vintage.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/132151608597.jpg
Even though I’m not omnipresent, I’m with ya. I think about you, even in the day-to-day deluge.
4784911
Thanks buddy. You've really been a great help during these trying times for me. I truly appreciate it so much! *hugs back*
I'm sorry to hear that bro. Life can be... pretty shitty sometimes. But there's still people that care about you and it's important to remember that.
4784932
Yes it can. And clearly there are with the support I've gotten in these recent trying times.
Thanks buddy and I hope the city is treating you well. Maybe I'll see you again at a convention or something once I'm feeling a bit better.
4784928
You help remind me that each moment is precious.
Always glad to have you around, FattyMagee.
4784944
True that. You never know when life might decide to take your health or anything else valuable away. I really appreciate having you around as well.