First Week of Winter Wrap Up *spoilers within* · 8:38am Oct 19th, 2012
Whooooo... where to begin on this one...
Guess with the fact that there will be many a story spoiler ahead here. So those of you who haven't finished reading yet... get to it.
Moving on... wow. The story is done. This is big for me, since this is the first time I've ever seen something like this through to the end. 120k+ words may not be a lot for this site, but it's certainly a lot for me. Important to note that it wasn't all me, either. I'd like to thank all the editors that helped me along the way for this, from the random folks I encountered over at /fic/ to the two running editors I had for the latter half of the story: my good friend Cat o' Nine Tails, and this sites very own Dublio (look him up, he does good work). This thing wouldn't even be half what it turned out to be without them.
Now then, there are two points I want to address about FWoW which some folks may be curious about. The first is something that has definitely come up in the comments, which is the nature the direction of the story goes. It's something I knew from the start would be an issue. It starts with the group in a relatively conventional setting, out in the middle of nowhere battling a monster, and ends with something that goes pretty far down he meta path and is more about the nature of fiction than anything else (hardly new ground for this fandom, but at least this one starts breaking fourth walls without Pinkie... well, mostly without Pinkie). I didn't need to do this. It would've been relatively easy to just make this a simple (or simpler, I suppose) crossover for solely The Thing, rather than bring Prince of Darkness and (especially) In the Mouth of Madness into the mix. Many folks (sadly) haven't seen the latter two, so as a reader brought up, it could've been pretty jarring to see how things got by Chapter 9. I did try to foreshadow stuff with the early introduction of the books, but I'm not sure how effective that was, given that they stayed mostly in the background until late in the story, at which point they were quickly (almost abruptly) thrust into the spotlight.
But in the end, no regrets. I started out wanting to adapt the whole Apocalypse Trilogy, and I like that I did that, even if I did give Prince of Darkness a bit more of the short end of the stick. Thematically it was all there, the paranoia between friends, the impending sense of doom, the meta breakdown of the world at large... even, of course, if things here finished off on a much cheerier note than any of those three movies.
Which brings me to point two: the ending. I've seen a lot of back and forth (a little here, but more in general for ponyfics) on happy endings versus sad endings, particularly for grimdark stories. Folks, I'm a horror fan. Through and through. Love the genre to pieces, and that includes a love for the downer endings that come with them. They fit in with the themes of oppressing dread and inevitability, and considering how all three movies of the Apocalypse Trilogy got bleaker and bleaker as it went along, it would've been only fitting here. Certainly a whole lot easier.
But, on the other hand, I do love them happy endings too. If, of course, they've been properly earned. Twilight had to endure a whole lot of suffering and bad times over the course of the story, but that was no cause for her to give up. And if she never gave up, I think she should be rewarded for her efforts. Plus, the end of the story is more-than-a-little-bit about the nature of this sort of story and My Little Pony. Because it's My Little Pony. They get that happy ending because that happy ending fits, and it fits better. I in no way say this to disparage grimdark in general (it's my favorite genre on here, again), or endings with sad/kill-em-all finales, or any of that. I just think that right here, for this story... it worked better to make everything better rather than have Twilight succumb to madness and be crushed by some Elder God.
I've rambled on enough here. For all of you that read this thing from start to finish and put up with my endless update delays, you have my eternal thanks. Folks seem to dig this story, and that really does make it all worth it (especially for a story like this that has very niche appeal to begin with). I only hope whatever I write next (and write more I shall, however lazy I still am. Just a matter of thinking of the right story...)
In closing, I do have a question for you lot. Like all writers, I'm constantly probing for feedback. And a few thoughts here on the story as a whole would really hit the spot. What you felt worked and, more importantly, what you felt didn't. What seemed off, what seemed forced, what characterizations didn't match up with how they should (I was trying to avoid Out Of Character moments as much as possible), so on and so forth. Really lay in with the criticisms. The more I hear the better my writing gets (in theory). And, of course, anything at all anyone feels like asking me. If you're curious about something in the story, then by all means, do ask away.
Alright, that's all I've got. Once again, cheers to you all for reading. Do pass it along and let others know if it's worth it or not, too 
While I admit I would have preferred a straight crossover with The Thing, I admire the fact that you stuck to you guns the way you did. I'm glad I took the time to read it, and I look forward to more stories.
433927
I figured that, at the end of it all, a straight crossover with The Thing would've been too... slight. The movie may be the best horror movie ever, but it works due to it being in a very closed environment from start to finish. Ponies has a big world, and it deserves a big story to go with it. Which means something that gets big and far reaching and generally weird.
Plus, I always do whatever it takes to make people at least dimly aware that John Carpenter's career of good movies extended past 1982. Doing the Lord's work here!
Anywho, thanks very much for reading and enjoying. I hope you do like whatever I write next (once I get off my lazy rump and write it, of course).
I'm just glad it ended on a happy note.
The thing with the books and foreshadowing, in my case, was that it didn't click for me until the hospital scene; until that moment I hadn't thought about "Mouth of Madness" Not sure what that says to you.
About the ending, it's possible you'll get some people saying about reset buttons. But it works precisely because Twilight worked and suffered for it, and even then it's implied that it's not a perfect reset and she still have some adjustments to make. I'm still undecided about what to think on what's really happening, and for a grim horror story that works for me even if its a happy ending.
Just a little question: maybe I didn't read properly (happens sometimes as a non-english native) so think nothing of this, but the description of the Eldritch God Twilight faces reminded me of Cthulhu. Am I right it was it, or were you aiming for something different?
434292
It was a matter of focus. Pinkie gets into it intermittently throughout the story, especially the end of Chapter 7 and first part of Chapter 8. But the problem is that they're still in the temple when this is all going on. So it just seems like something weird is happening to her, but the main draw is still the conventional side of things (and also draws more from Prince of Darkness in Chapter 8, what with reaching through the barrier. Even the dream way back in Chapter 1 and whatnot is more that movie, however much it foreshadows Cane). Then the setting has a drastic change, and that abrupt shift brings the new tone with it. I could've tried to give a greater emphasis on the books earlier on, but with that setting swap, I think there still would've been confusion.
It's a tricky thing, since plot-wise the two movies are so far apart. My stubbornness in adapting the *entire* trilogy made me figure out some way to combine them, so I just had to do the best I could. Folks seem to be rolling with it, at least, so I'll take it.
And yeah, that's exactly what I was going for at the end. I'm one who believes that all fics should finish having some impact on the lives and events of the ponies involved, because a straight-up reset button is boring. Which made doing one here tricky, since it was literally (more or less) what the story needed to end on. So Twilight still knows, and it could be her universe again or it could be another one. Point is it all did happen, even if it's all better now.
And it wasn't meant to be any God in particular, actually. It's pretty much up to you as to what it was. Personally I was trying to make it appear like a giant human-shaped being, for reasons of extra-metaness (Twilight had left the confines of the story, after all. And what exists outside the narrative?), but I don't know how well that came off. Of course, I like to think it still works even as just another big beastie.
Here's the one prediction I made on the story ending that turned out to be the closest. I'll write it like a story.
Twilight looked at the mirror in horror and wonderment. How on earth did we go through it? That's impossible. But hey, with this guy anything is possible. She turned around to see Cane stand up.
"Now you've gone and done it. I hope you're happy. Now you get to face my master." Cane said in a voice that seemed too cool for what was happening.
"Your master?? I thought you said that you were in control?" Twilight replied extremely shocked.
"Oh no. No no no no no. In the real world I may have been in control for the most part. But here my master controls everything and thanks to you he can now break the dimensional barrier down."
"Dimensional barrier??? You're telling me..."
"Exactly. Welcome to the next dimension. This place has a nickname on other worlds. Many simply call it Hell."
At this point Twilight was too dumbstruck to even try and make a reply. She just sat there until a strange being materialized next to her and Cane.
"Oh look, my master has arrived." Cane said taking a bow.
Twilight looked over toward the creature and her blood almost quite literally froze.
And the rest pretty much follows suit to the battle with the creature in chapter 12 but with the creature who resembled the most famous rendition of the devil. Same ending. Where it "never happened" and Twilight finds herself at the point right before leaving on the trip with memory of the events still intact. No one else remembers. Twilight swears she will keep these memories to herself for the rest of her life.
That is how I predicted it to end. Think I was close. Biggest change being the creature and the time Twilight was returned to at beginning of story.
The memory idea could be the basis for a sequel perhaps. One about mental distress and breakdown. Wait, that's normal Twi as it is...
Chaotic Pony.
440787
Heh, I like that. And it's a hair closer to what actually happened at the end of In the Mouth of Madness than what I did (save for Cane ripping his own face off, but that's another matter).
I had a few ideas of what to do once Twilight went through the mirror, most of them at varying levels of metaness. One version had her defeat the thing on the other side, but instead of being banished to the great white margins, she gets ejected into reality. As in, out of a laptop. She gives the author what for, and he complies with putting her back where she belongs. However, around this time I figured I was getting much too far up my own ass, and figured that would be too much.
Going back even earlier, to my original outline I wrote back before I even wrote the Prologue, there was a considerably grimmer ending. I still had Twilight going through the mirror and taking Cane with her. However, he was in the process of bringing the other side over himself, so without him, there'd be no trouble. Twilight also takes a chandelier against the mirror frame as she goes, and it shatters to the ground. Twilight then fades into the abyss, lost forever. Luna also played heavily into this version (having been turned by Cane early on, which is actually still faintly foreshadowed in the Prologue), as she'd be the last survivor of the area (having disposed of Celestia while also under Cane's control). She'd now be in charge of the damaged world, which still had the rest of the dead ones dead, Twilight gone forever, and the lingering concern that Luna wasn't all right in the head, even without Cane around.
In short, it was a whole lot more Prince of Darkness, and a fair bit less In the Mouth of Madness. As I got into things, though, I decided to change that ratio, and we got the what-fourth-wall? ending instead. Which, honestly, I'm happier with.
I just wanted to say this story was awesome. I didn't want to read it at first. I mean, it's MLP in The Thing! I hate seeing ponies die. When Scoots and Spike got it, I was so sad, then when Dash killed Bloom, it hit me, man. But you gave a very plausible happy ending, which I am grateful for. I hate bad endings. I think it's due to my over inflated sense of justice. I hate seeing evil go unpunished and the good guys die. In real life, the bad guys so often escape what they got coming. In fiction, I like to see justice served, to the point where certain points in this story I wanted to grab my Smith & Wesson M&P, leap into the screen and start unloading.
But you made the deaths matter. They weren't cheap thrill kills, each one hit home with us. Amazing story, and I hope you keep writing!
441432
Happy to hear it ended up going over well! Yeah, there's nothing quite like a despicable bad guy getting his comeuppance (save maybe that crushing feeling one has when they actually get away with it)
Well, I'm a latecomer. So I didn't have to put up with any update delays. I just read it all in a couple days.
Of all the grimdark ponyfics I've read (and they are few), this was by FAR the best. The characterizations, and reactions by the characters (for the most part) were spot on, I thought. The only problem I noticed was how Rainbow Dash was the main one to go to pieces and start suspecting everyone else. She was even willing to forfeit AppleBloom's life and take off, without knowing for sure if she was really infected. It didn't seem very "loyal" or in-character for her, and I thought at the time that you were setting her up for a cowardly death. I forgave this later however, when I learned that RD's behavior was probably being written/influenced by Sugar Cane. Nevertheless, I found Rainbow Dash's death scene the most heart-breaking.
I don't want to say that your chapters were "too" long, because I generally prefer nice long chapters. However, a couple of areas I thought were a bit draggy, and felt could have been cut for the sake of moving the story forward. For example, that drawn-out conversation between those two doctors in the hospital, right after Twilight wakes up, I felt was a bit unnecessary, and I found myself skimming some of it. We never see those characters again for the rest of the story, so I was puzzled as to why we had to spend so much time with them.
So those are my only nitpicks. The rest of the time, like I said, it was well thought-out and in character most of the time, which made it easy to become invested in the characters. The humor in the earlier, more light-hearted chapters, was well-done and genuinely entertaining. You have a well-developed and coherent writing style, and you are very good at establishing atmosphere, and setting up suspense. Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I might even give it another read sometime in the future. :)
443207
Well thank you for the kind thoughts! They
do a good job of feeding my growing egomean a lot to meWith regards to Dash's attitudes towards the others, this really was something I struggled with. Dash definitely isn't one to cave to pressure easily, although considering the scenario, they were all definitely going to crack one way or the other. At that point, I got flexible with their Element status (like with AJ and her honesty, though that stands to reason the thing wouldn't have imitated that part of her, even if it was going for perfection). I do have Pinkie call her out on this, and even keep her around when she gets outside to do a flyover before straight-up leaving. I just wanted to show that she was really struggling with herself, with "loyalty" up against "a basic survival instinct". Said instinct won a few times, notably with Apple Bloom. I do leave it more up to the reader how much of that was Cane's doing (Dash is essentially the only one the creatures don't "get", whether they already had AB or got her when the temple collapsed into the light. Pinkie even alludes to not knowing what happened to her when talking to Twilight in town, hoping she'd just show up at some point). Cane either could've helped influence Dash's decisions, or been the one who forced the clouds down on her by way of punishing her for going against her own character.
So yeah. That's my author saving throw and I'm sticking to it
And I do know what you mean with the doctors. That section was mostly there to give some exposition on what was up with the rest of Equestria in the group's absence, and add in more foreshadowing for the importance of Cane and his books. Looking back, however, the story probably would've been just as strong without it (doesn't help that, in terms of the narrative, it sticks out like a sore thumb, since you're right, we see them there and then never again), and could've been cut. In general, sections dragging out is something I was always paranoid bout and wanted to avoid, since nothing hurts a long story more than bogged down pacing. If a reader can just skim a section and still know what I was saying, then I'm doing something wrong. Trouble with me is, when it comes to writing, I'm not the best at being concise. I like taking the long route to get somewhere, especially if said route is filled with a lotta dialogue (I do so love writing dialogue).
Anywho, again, thank you for the compliments and the criticisms. They're just the sort of thing I want to read at the end of it all.