Random reviews 5 · 11:55pm Sep 9th, 2017
Reviews! I actually almost lost this batch and had to do some arcane hard disk magic to get it back.
DreamMist, the alicorn of Dreams by DragonWriter
Rarity's Client by TheTinCanPlan
A birthday letter four months too late. by Lethrael
Common Ground by Bridleway462GHA
Origins: Janson Darkmane by Janson Darkmane
Our first fic is about an alicorn OC, apparently, and it has 2 chapters, both under 1000 words. Oh dear. It offers an alternate storybook opening to the canonical one, in which Celestia and Luna are joined by a third alicorn, the titular DreamMist.
The camel-casing of DreamMist bugs me to no end, but in fairness, "Dreammist" would look pretty awkward too.
Dreammist's role is to spread good dreams, and she's sort of a Fluttershy-like personality. Unfortunately she has the Captain Planet-like issue of being weak against the thing she's supposed to fight against, so when Luna goes Nightmare, she can't deal with all the fear and gloom and she dies. Oh, spoilers.
You know, this fic honestly isn't bad, and every reservation I had before starting proved to be unfounded. There are a few writing glitches here and there and obvious improvements that could be made, but it's a genuine short story with a setup, resolution, payoff and everything. Even the pacing isn't too bad for the simple fairytale story that it tells.
VERDICT: Tolerable
[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]
This fic's description opens with "This is my first attempt at a fan-fic ever", and goes on to note that it was written in 50 minutes during the author's Spanish class. Oh dear.
Actually no, I said "oh dear" about the previous story and I was wrong. No prejudice this time.
After a weather report opening to set the scene (it's a summer morning), we follow Rarity as she prepares to deal with her client later that day, an important businesspony from Phillydelphia.
Mr Schlack turns out to be a very important businesspony, as he's surrounded by security personnel and arrived in the horse-drawn equivalent of a limousine. Wait, is that something real businessmen do? I could understand tight security for government officials or a mafia boss, maybe, but a businessman?
He also turns out to be French, and naturally starts charming Rarity because all French people and ponies have this ability innately.
Rarity shows him the suit she designed and it he loves it and pays her a ton of money. That is kind of it to be honest. It's simple slice of life.
This story is actually in the same boat as the first; an amateur fic from a few years ago that isn't all that bad for what it is. The main technical issue with the fic is that it doesn't start new paragraphs for dialogue, which can be a bit annoying.
Notable moments
• "In the far distance you could see the small shadowy silhouettes of pegasi leaving Cloudsdale to start their day." - that's a nice bit of imagery!
VERDICT: Tolerable
Sadfic! This fic opens with a posthumous letter to Apple Bloom from her parents, that she found hidden in the attic. The fic was published during mid-season 6, long before we would get any canon revelations about the Apple parents.
Apple Bloom is upset by the letter; not just because it's from her mom and dad, but because the letter was clearly supposed to have been given to her a long time ago, and has been hidden away for some reason. She goes to confront Granny Smith about it.
After a lot of anger and sadness, it turns out that Granny Smith's motives weren't malicious or deceitful. In fact, all of the Apple siblings received similar letters, but Apple Bloom only ever received that single one, and so Granny Smith wanted to hold it back for an important milestone in Apple Bloom's life.
This story is difficult to read, and I mean that in the literal sense; it's very confusing to follow the action and understand what's going on. The author is German, and so most of the phrasing doesn't come off quite right either. Unfortunately, these issues rather dampen any emotional weight the story might have had, which is a shame, because the premise is sound enough.
VERDICT: Poor
Okay so when I first saw the story page I was all like "Oh boy, I ship this!" ...and then I realized that it doesn't actually say anywhere that this is a romance, and that in fact this is probably something much more innocent and wholesome. Damn my mind.
This story takes place after "The Cutie Re-mark", and opens with a recently-reformed Starlight taking a night-time walk to ruminate a bit on what's become of her life. However, she encounters Trixie, who is practicing her stage act in the early hours of the morning.
This story offers an alternate take on Starlight and Trixie's first meeting to the one seen in "No Second Prances". In fact, it's more interesting than that; this story was apparently written before Season 6 even aired! I'm pretty sure that we didn't even know at that point that Starlight and Trixie would ever become friends, so this is a cool bit of prescience on the author's part.
Starlight confides in Trixie about what's bothering her, and it's something that also bothered a lot of fans; why the hell did the Mane Six forgive her so readily for what she did? And you know, I really love Starlight as the guilty atoner. She doesn't feel she deserves the forgiveness she's been given, and honestly she's probably right, so I don't blame her. That's not an easy thing to deal with.
Trixie tells Starlight about her own troubled past, and the two realize they're quite similar in some ways, and become friends, and Starlight kisses Trixie, and... wait, you mean this is a romance?
I loved this story. It has so many thematic elements that I simply adore. A character lost in their thoughts in the dead of night. Characters meeting during a vulnerable moment. A stranger being invited into a friendly home. Self-reflection and rumination. Also, Starlight and Trixie. There are a few scattered spelling and grammar problems, but nothing that detracts from a really nice slice-of-life one-shot.
Notable headcanons
• The story suggests that Rarity is the one who gave Starlight her season 6 manestyle, to help her appear less confrontational to other ponies. I really like that idea!
• Trixie drops her third-person pronouns when she's speaking from the heart, and Starlight notices it. I actually did the exact same thing in one of my many unfinished fics.
Notable moments
• Starlight walks in on Trixie practising her stage act in front of an audience of dolls and plushies. That is goddamn adorable.
VERDICT: Okay
The last and longest fic in this collection is the sole story written by one Janson Darkmane, and is about an OC named Janson Darkmane. Well, let's get to it.
The story opens with Janson Darkmane, a pegasus and self-proclaimed best night-flyer in Equestria, introducing himself while also trying to pay attention to Obstacle Avoidance Training, which is actually rather funny and a pretty good way to introduce us to an OC. Breaks the ice nicely.
Janson witnesses a supernova in the sky, which he later dreams about. In fact it's a pretty disturbingly visceral dream, which makes me wonder why this story doesn't have a Gore tag. Maybe too old for that? It is from 2013, I guess, but I'm sure we had the tag back then.
Anyway, it turns out that the supernova gave Janson superpowers, although he seems rather slow on the uptake to realize it. Protip: if your flying speed has multiplied by an order of magnitude and you can now break the sound barrier, you probably have superpowers.
The story actually becomes a bit confusing at this point. I can't figure out why Jansen doesn't acknowledge the changes that are happening to him. I mean, at one point, he apparently earns his cutie mark and doesn't care!
Janson visits the library and instantly finds a book that explains exactly what happened to him. He then recaps basically the entire story so far to his friends, and the story ends there.
This fic is... not terrible, but story-wise it has some weird issues with pacing and plot elements that just didn't make sense to me. Jansen Darkmane, despite being a red-and-black OC with an edgy name, isn't an unlikeable character, although he isn't developed very much in the story. Overall, it does the promised job of introducing Jansen, but not a whole lot of interesting stuff really happens.
Notable characters
• Two of Janson's friends are a pair of twins named Ebony and Ivory. They are musicians. It took me too long to get the joke.
VERDICT: Tolerable
Sometimes a good slice of life fic is all you need