, bweKBN SORRY!mkb;lkw. gfORGIVE NE! · 4:43am Aug 26th, 2017
At wha point has anything I've done mattered?
I'd rather be dead than live this stupid arse life on this planet with people that hate me for no good reason.
All I try to do is make people happy and smile, but in the end, it all blows up in mah face
Nobody cares about me or what I do, s wht h abe I got left to live for? 0I don't even know why I care or try to be happy. I'm not. Nobdoy likes me and it's no secret that I'm suicidal.
Let e tell ya, Ive been to places oyou can't imagine. I've had a gun in my mouth and a knife and sword to my throat. a;;LL My frends lef me and don't bother to talk to me. All I get for my deeds is hate, no support and a lifetime of misery.
Even the girl I loved to the end of the earth turned her back 9n me and doens[t like me. It neve r ends. I love women, but she was just a girl that used memt for my money. Being alive sucks hairy gorilla ass. All I've even wanted was help and understanding, but I gues that's not gonna work.
Being alive makes me wanna cry and put a noose around mah neck. All of tehe abuse I;ve been pu t through from oepeople i though that were my friend and even my famioyly have driven me over the edge. I can'y do it anymor.
I'm at my wits end. I hate my loife.
I'm an author without a life ahead of him. What kind of person could like or love me? I'm all alone and miserable in this shitbag world we live in. Nothng but hate, violoence and ager. it's impossible to just be happy and share love and equality.
God...
tere's nothing more I want than to be dead. My own mother hates me and doest care about me. My step mum is no different. Gran dma is the only mum I have.
When shes' gone, I don't know wha I'll do. I can't live withoutm y gran. she's everythin to me. I dpm't waa lose er or amyone. MNot even my fgrandad.
They took im e un in and ga ve me a reasn to live. I hate everything aroud me.
All Im want is peace and I k now that I'm ill. It'sll kill me in due time, but noone can help. No doctor. nothing and nobody. I drink myself to death everynight and thnink about doing drugs to ease the pain, but no. I don;t/ It's tempting and very close to me, but I don't lnpw hwhat to do.
Why would anybody care about a fuckup like me? All i can do is write and play guitar to express mysefl. Pe0ple dn't like orunderstand me. all I've been is prejusdiced and judged for my entire life. I;ve been abused both mentally ad physically. Itgs fucking horrible!
These storis I write are mosrly aboutm yfeeling and personal life. Nobody understands me in full. It would be best if I put a damn knife to my throat and bled everywhere. Why should I care??@/i0fifnjg
IT'S neem horrib;e these [ast years. I've neen alone and helpless. I want to just do myself a focauoru and end it. I don't care what happens.
K just wnat my mother. All I want is my grandmother. She;s the only ne that has truly cared about me. I just want to be net to er. We;ve been like true family since I lived with her. I'm noth9ngmw without her. I don't know how to deal with it.
All I've got to offer is my stupid fuckin diary of self-heatred and thoughts of suicede upon my death and a guitar I want to be buried with. I want to be buried next to my gran when I die. What have I got left to live for?
Nobody really cares about me? It's ony a stupid fucing reaxon to not feel guilty. i CARE AND love some much about people and friends and family and all they do us hurt me. What did I do so wrong? I try to be nice? I try to be good? I don;t kn ow why I'm so hated.
I don't like beong alive with all of this guilt and hate. I dont
Why?
I just wanted to be someone that mattered not someone that's hated and despised/ Why? Fuckin why?
I', sprry, alright? I'm sotrry ? peas forgive me?
I just don't know what to do Theres 'nothong left for me in this shitbag bworld or plantet. I'm dead and gone.
I' sorry!
DAN, NO.
You need to lay off the booze, or whatever's giving you this line of thought.
It's time for you to stop.
People care about you, whether your stubborn mind wants to grasp it or not. I don't care if your family doesn't like you, they're dolts if they can't see your value.
For what it's worth: I care, and I'd hate to see my friend throw his life away.
You've hit a lot of walls, Dan. But nothing that you haven't emerged from before, even if you were bruised.
I've come dangerously close to committing suicide quite a few times myself, and if a man like me can survive, you can too!
I'm going to pray for you. We all will.
Stay alive, stay safe.
You matter.
You're right that i don't fully understand you, or your pain, but for what it's worth. I offer my compassion if you're willing to accept it.
4648240
No, I odn't. it;s always the same thuhg, People never see me for who I am on the inside. IT'S Always thr outside wall. People see me as a nothing and a spiteful, hateful guy. No, I'm not.
i CARE a whole lot about people and the only thing I habve to offer is a mere opinion and empathy. Not one person has liked me for who I am or what I can offer. My girlfriend left me in tatters and took my emotions and shattered my trust. I've had it. I hate being her with the thoughts of others bearing down on me.
I've drank musef to death almost every nigt in self hatred because of it. No one cares about me. I have no mother or step mum, no-one! They never car3d about me! Its all goddamn neglect amd hate!! i DON'T lven knmow whu I care! Why do I bother! The world is a shitstorm of rotten bollocks!
Trying to understand me gets nobody nowhere! Nobody has no idea what i've been through or what I;'ve experienced. aLL i wver wanted was my mum, btut where is she?! fucked off shagging some bloke who pretendes to like and love her being! I've had it hqppen to me! girls don't like me, family don't kike me and people don't loke me! Not one chance of proving or understanding!
I drink myself to death everynight and I can'#t cpmntrol it! There's no way of keeping myuself happy! All my th0ughts ha ve been in the past month is suicide and putting my pistol into my mouth! The world won't let me out of self guilt! it feels guilty about driving somebody to the end of their rope! the only reason I prevailed is from iron will!
I've had it! fukc everything on this planet! i hate it! All I can do is write, play guitar and be around people that spite me! Not even my family like me! I have to live with this shite every year and day! they don't care about me! I do what I LOVE to do, but even stikl, they don't get me!
Thye don't understand my passion or my wants or standards, they just know negelct! Nobody liies or loves me! I've been heartbroken and know the cojswqunces! It's worse than any broken bone! I can only drink muself to death and hope I die!
I want to die and I want to not be here! I hate everyuthin! The one thingI wanted is my mother and I can't even have that! I wanted normalcy abnd my fanily to love me, but no! It's always hate him, he doesn't matter! Everyone hates and misunderstands my position! They wouldn't care if I live or die or notice if I'm gone They don't care!
i DON'T know how I even manege to go on or continue my career! It's been nothing but abnormalcy and spite for me!I can't help it! I don't want to be bad or bring harm upon myself, ut those around me have brought it to me! I just want happiness and normalcy!
I don't understand whuy!
Every life matters.
4648264
Dan.
I'm genuinely sorry that you're going through this, and I understand your pain more than you'd believe.
You can tell those suicidal thoughts to fuck off, and I want you to listen closely.
Even if you don't believe that I understand, consider my advice. I've seen how rational and heartfelt you are whrn sober, so I beg you not to allow a mind overwhelmed by alcohol and hatred to make a decision that has such drastic and unrepairable effects.
Your family may suck, your trust may have been broken, but that doesn't mean that no one loves you. You have several friends here who are more than willing to listen if you just reach out to them, and followers who love the work you do.
Don't give up. Not yet.
If I've learned anything, it's that the harder the trials you face: the greater the happiness that waits ahead.
You have a purpose
You have friends
You have a destiny
Have faith, Dan.
I have faith in you.
I don't know who you are, what you are going through or how I can help; but I can say that I don't want you to die. Before you do anything else please visit this site and call.
Please
I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through because I don't. Regardless, you have my sympathies for the way life is for you right now.
But, here's the thing; that's right now. Life can be right asshole when things get tough I know that for sure but that doesn't mean you should kill yourself. Don't let Death hold that door open for you so you can walk into his club - give him the middle finger and shout your heart out screaming; "Yeah, my life is shit right now. But, that doesn't mean it's over! Fuck you, Death! I'm going to make my life worth living and not you or anybody else is going to stop me!"
Yeah, life is shit, believe me, I know but that doesn't mean you should end it. Rebel against the way it is and make something of yourself and make sure that when you reach that fine old age of 80/90+ and your life is done, you can meet with Death with a smile and say "I've lived my life and I've left no regret behind."
Again, I don't know who you are but that doesn't mean you shouldn't give up. Ok?
4648264
Dude, please...
I also can't really understand everything you've been through, but a lot of us have been here.
You clearly have talents (you've mentioned them) along with passions. If other people don't care, it's THEIR problem, not yours. You have good writing skills; heck, I recently favorited your story on Rarity going all rock star on the guitar.
Plus you've got a bunch of people and at least one good friend here telling you NOT to kill yourself. That sounds like people care to me.
Please. Don't do this.
May God go with you. I'll be praying as well. Hang in there. Bunker down and wait out the feelings. People have beaten depression before; just ask this guy. Replace those bad feelings with positive ones; force good thoughts on yourself if you have to. Just don't do this. Please...
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/199965/help-for-the-suicidal-socially-rejected-or-otherwise-emotionally-abused-bronies
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/199544/feeling-suicidal-talk-with-us
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/203471/suicide-prevention-group
Please... Don't...
Hang in there, man. Please, please, please... Rethink this, and don't believe that you're unloved. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziVdnLd5axA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBcqria2wmg
Hang in there, dude. You can get through this, and you will.
Dang... I feel like we need a... Phantom Thief... I dunno. Actually, hold on, doesn't this seem similar to the situation most Japanese businessmen feel that ends up as the main reason most modern Anime/Light Novels exist?
This kinda reminds me of something I've been trying to write for a while, most "protagonist" characters in it have a tragic backstory of literally no love from even family until the main protagonist saves them from it and LOVE BLOSSOMS, I even imagine the possibility of the second protagonist being gay for him 'cause why not.
Look at me showing up here and just talking about what I'm reminded of instead of expressing the sympathy I feel, I think guilt may be as strong with me as my anger.
He really need some hug..... does anyone live near him? also don't do nothing irreversible........Please