Why kinkshaming isn't right. AKA, I did my first private commission this weekend. · 4:13am Aug 14th, 2017
Two days ago, I was asked by one of my fans (who wishes to remain anonymous) to write a story for them. And since the story idea itself involved a rather niche interest (something I don't think even has a group on this website) involving a pairing I mentioned in a couple of my previous stories, I was a little shocked to even get it requested, let alone for money. But when I read the first message sent by them asking about, it was clear that the person understood how unusual it was; in fact, they said outright that I should just say no if I were to refuse, and to not chastize them for liking something so odd.
Now, I know that some people get uppity about certain kinks or fetishes, but I don't usually kinkshame unless it's something borderline illegal (or if I get it requested near-constantly to the point where it's an inside joke). And despite how odd the fetish they requested was, I really felt bad when I realized this was something they probably got made fun of by other commissioners. I may have refused certain commission requests before, but I always stay respectful and give clear explanations at to why I don't want to take it (story concept is too time-consuming, busy scheduling, the story can't be done as a one-shot, etc.). I never try to make someone feel like a weirdo or a freak for enjoying certain things, and I don't condone others doing that either.
In fact, when it comes to more obscure fetishes or interests, part of me wants to learn more about it when it comes up. My boyfriend has joked before that I don't have any fetishes myself, and that I just absorb those from others I chat with. Now even though I do have niche kinks of my own that I enjoy, he's not necessarily wrong about my ability to enjoy things from others. For me, what makes a concept or fetish interesting is usually the enthusiasm a person has for it; when it's clear that someone really likes a particular quirk or kink, part of me is compelled to learn more about it and figure out why that is.
For example, there are several friends of mine who are super into tickling (as evidenced by my two published commissions on this site). I might not be into tickling too much myself, but I can still gain arousal from it when I see how much others enjoy it, and after learning how it can be an arousing thing. In a way, tickling is like a more innocent and pain-free form of BDSM; you're either giving your body up to be used and tormented by someone else, or you're the one doing the torment and watching your victim squirm and writhe in agonizing glee. Overall, it's one of those kinks that I can completely understand others enjoying, and what I could enjoy too.
That's just one example of something that I learned about, and gained an understanding for which I can contribute to my writing. Whether it's writing a fic or doing RP, learning about new and obscure fetishes is definitely something that interests me. When I chat with people who carry an interest in something odd or unique, I tend to ask what the appeal of their interests are so I can better understand them. This not only helps me connect with people on a deeper level, but also know what details and concepts work best if I were to write about it myself. I might not like every fetish or kink out there (the list of things I won't write about in my commission info is still 100% accurate), but I do like to keep an open mind when I learn about new ones; as long as the kink is consensual and willing from all parties, the person who likes it really enjoys it, and it doesn't break any major federal laws, the last thing I try to do is kinkshame.
And because of that, I was really glad to write out a private commission for someone this weekend. Even though the kink I accepted a commisison for was very different from my own interests, it was really fascinating to learn what the person liked about it. Regardless of my own tastes, it was rather fun writing something so outside my comfort zone and making it interesting. Plus, knowing that I was helping out someone who's been kinkshamed relentlessly for it before was a good feeling as well. I was able to understand what they liked about it, and also see the appeal of it myself while writing it out.
Even though it's weird to write a story I know I'll most likely never publish on here (unless I wanted to be downvoted to oblivion by people who would only look at the synopsis and be like, "Oh hell no!"), I was still immensely satisfied when I finished it, and heard that the person absolutely loved the story. It was a weird-ass way to spend the weekend, but knowing that I made someone happy from it really made me appreciate the time spent. So yeah, to anyone out there who feels like their interests are too weird/judgmental, just know that there are people out there who won't judge. Not every fetish is worth looking into, but I do believe that in the grand scheme of things, it's better to try to understand people's interests than to chastise them for it.
Cool. Glad to hear that you both had a good time with The Ultra Forbidden Kink of Secrecy.
... But now I'm dang curious as to what the kink was. What kind of "oh hell naw" we talking here? Watersports? Vore? Snuff? Weather vanes?
Well, the story itself was based around a particular crackship I wrote about in a couple of my stories. The kink itself is more related to the pairing (more specifically the age difference) than anything else.
Very well-written and rational blogpost. Now I'll just be forever wondering what the kink was!
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My money on cock vore.
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Nope, it's not vore. That's one of the fetishes I have listed as a Hard No in my commission info. I have the list on my user page.
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Let's play 20 Questions
1. Is it a type of fetish that not many people enjoy?
My money is that you found someone who is only aroused when they can invent a fictional kind and have an awkward conversation with someone they're trying to commission art for it.
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Pretty much, yes.
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Nope, it's a real kink some people have.
I know what you mean with those words. I usually ask others what exactly makes them like certain kinks.
It is always interesting to hear different ideas behind something so easy like a kink. Even kinks I don't like
or despite makes me ask the person what they exactly like about it.
Kinkshaming is something I don't understand, but I'm actually one of the weird guys who don't understands
downvoting either. If I don't like it I don't read it and if I not liked the story for whatever reason, I close it and
never think of it again.
All I can say is asking someone why they like a kink and what exactly they feel about it, gave me a better understanding
in different kinks most usually just make fun of.
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Exactly! I might not approve of everything (especially non-consentual kinks), but I like to keep an open mind when it comes to what get people enticed. After all, being a MLP fanfiction writer makes me pretty weird myself, so judging others would make me a rather large hypocrite.
Totally agree with you man. From the way you described it, I might be able to develop a fetish for being tickled if I ever try it. Also, your OC is cute
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Watersports perhaps? Because normally that kind of stuff is a turn-off for me, but I wanna see a story where that is very arousing for me.
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The commission this blog was referring to wasn't about watersports. In fact, the content of the commission itself was fairly basic; it was the characters used that made it private.
With that being said though, I honestly find WS to be pretty hot. If people were wanting a commission of something like that, I wouldn't be against it. Especially after finishing my most recent commission I did after this blog was made...
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That's actually really interesting to think about. Just a really uncommon ship?
Yeah, I wanna see a well-made story using watersports. Maybe have the "Dark" tag involved?
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Yeah. I used the ship in a couple of my stories, and someone wanted me to write a legit story of the two for them. It was a weird project, but not something I regret doing.
And as for your interest in that particular kink, all I can say is I'm open for commission. Also, keep your eyes peeled just in case...
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How much does a commission cost? I do have some nice ideas, but I'm honestly not sure spending money for something like this is worth it, no offense.
Maybe we can chat over email and talk in private.