"Journeys and Destinations: A Friendship for Eternity": Revision Progress Report 2

It's been quite a while since the first one..... The revision of the first two chapters of "Journeys and Destinations: A Friendship for Eternity" has been going slow since June, due to depressions and some other reasons, but I'm still doing it and I'm getting back into the groove of things more again, so, it is time for another progress report today!
Below, you can find another snippet of the revised Chapter 1. I'll be doing this every week now, so here's something to get started with this:

Before:

“Well, if we stay in Ponyville an' sell our potions here there is nothin' y'all could do to get better at ya talents. But if we would become traveling salesponies an' sell our potions all over Equestria, there would! Scootaloo, you could build a wheeled shop that can be moved by Sweetie's magic an' ya could repair it when it get's damaged during our journey! An' ah could mix more potions to sell them in our traveling shop! So could everyone of us use her talent and get better with it!”

After:

“Well, if we stay in Ponyville an' sell our potions here, there would be nothin' y'all could do to get better at ya talents. But if we become travelin' salesponies an' sell our potions all over Equestria, there would!” Apple Bloom said, wearing an enthusiastic smile on her lips. She pointed over at Scootaloo. “Ya could build a wheeled shop for our journey an' repair it when it get's damaged an' Sweetie Belle–” She pointed at her other friend “– can move it around with her magic!” Apple Bloom put her hoof down again, but only for a moment. “An' ah could mix more potions to sell them in our traveling shop! That way, everyone of us can use their talents and get better with them!” Back up her hoof went, hitting the air above them in a determined fashion. Apple Bloom grinned. “What do ya say?”

One of the most important parts of the first chapter..... Apple Bloom brings forth the idea of becoming traveling salesponies to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.
Before the revision happened, it was just one, long dialogue of Apple Bloom. Now her dialogue is full of life; she actually moves while saying those things, smiles and points at her friends, then finishes with one of her trademark, charming grins.
The wordcount has increased, too, from 91 up to 147!

That's it for this week, but there will be another revision progress report next week!

But keep in mind that, so far, all these revisions and changes happen offline. The fic here still shows the unrevised versions of Chapter 1 and Chapter 2. I don't want that anyone has to read the improved chapters in chopped parts, so I will only replace each chapter as a whole once the revision of it is finished and then announce this in a tagged blog entry.

See you next week for more improved goodness!